Stuck...

[janed0e]

I am stuck in a situation which is slowly driving me insane. I am not suicidal as such, yet I think about it all the time. The best way I can describe it is that I am really disillusioned, angry, lost, frustrated.

Others looking on my situation would probably laugh, call me selfish and think I have nothing to complain about and loads to be thankful for. They would probably be right. But I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm so scared of my thoughts. I can literally feel myself going crazy, yet I have never been more rational.

I have seen a doctor. I'm not suffering from depression. Even the psychiatrist who interviewed me was surprised to find how much 'with it' I was. He said since my condition was due to my living circumstances and wasn't a depressive illness there was nothing they could really do.

There is nothing anyone can really do. It is all up to me, and the weight of this responsibility is killing me.

How do you accept your life as it is and not want to be somewhere else? How can you stop your frustrations spilling out because there is no more space for them inside? And if you can't, how can you be a mother and be confronted with choices all of which spell out hurt for the loved ones..?

[Ward-Minter]

Your question "how do you accept life as it is?"........ Like it or lump it, simple as that. Life was never meant to be easy. You make the most of what you have.

If you have your health you have a life.

[dancealot13]

I would have no idea what you were talking about if I wasn't going through something very similiar. Did they say you were having anxiety attacks? You need to give a bit more detail so I can understand you better..and then I would love to share. What do you mean you are disillusioned? Please share more.

[steve208]

hey there

well i can say that i am in a very similar situation in terms that i am stuck at home living with my parents since moving back after finishing uni last summer. I am stuck in a poorly paid non graduate job and have many other things wrong. i feel suicidal sometimes but only to the point of just wishing i could end it i cant stand the thought of pain though. anyway it is somewhat easier for me to suggest things to you those being the things that could help me but i cant do. Are you v active...exercise or joinign a sports club can often help self esteam and getting you involved in things then it is just a matter of one step etc in the right direction and finding the desire to make change.

i can see why if tis only your situation that is making you low then maybe the doc etc says you are not depressed but i have many other things wrong so i must say i do feel depressed and am going to see a counsellor.

anyway drop a post back and see if there is anything else i can say aside from exercise and confiding in some friends who may help or at least listen.

hoep i have helped a little and you are not alone in feeling like you do.

[alijangra]

Its really hard to offer advice without the full facts. You say its all up to you. In that sentence I think you have your answer. Is there truly nothing you feel will help your situation?

[dancealot13]

The universe does not give you circumstances that you can't handle. You do have control. You have complete control over your thoughts and your life. These negative thoughts are useless. Leave them, disregard them as mearly thoughts and nothing more. When we arn't happy with our lives, our fears come out to haunt us and to take our attention away from the real problem. Suicide is a fear, don't let the thought hold any weight in your mind. You are NOT going crazy! You are not insane!

Your human, and your having a difficult time with life right now.

[janed0e]

sorry am having trouble posting for some reason just checking if this works

[janed0e]

I don�t like talking about �the facts� because whenever I tried I got the same response as W-M�s.

In brief� My relationship broke up after my partner left me for someone else. This was a few years ago and I have never recovered, not because I still loved him but because ever since then he had made my life absolute hell. I am unable to work or study like I did before, because I have absolutely no support around me, I don�t have any family. There are no council houses so I have to rent privately and claim benefits every last penny of which goes out on bills.

I have always been very independent, started working full time when I was 15 and had my own flat when I turned 18. Now I sit at home and feel absolutely useless. My ex got on with his life and apart from visitation has nothing to do with me. Yet my life still depends on him. I can�t move or do anything without his approval. I can�t ask his parents for help with childcare because he has already used it against me in court. The Job Centre people look down on me and tell me to get a job. I told them if they find a way around all my problems I�d start immediately. They said get a council house when my neighbour�s been on a list for the last 7 years.

[janed0e]

I have no family here, only a few friends. I have exhausted all of my avenues of finding some help with the childcare. So am stuck in this rut.

There are loads of things, not enough space, time or motivation to put it all down. The 4 options I see are: embrace the rut and go crazy slowly until I find the courage to end it and it will happen; leave my kid to my ex, move on with my life and regret every minute of it; do myself in now so I don�t have to go through all this **** anymore; or wait til I win a lottery or some other miracle happens.

I am not being over-dramatic. Trust me. Just it�s hard going through all this in here coz I am so tired of going through all this in my head. Because unless you know everything and have spent enough time where I am all of the above sounds trivial.

Steve, I am so far behind looking after myself, it�s unbelievable. I just don�t see any use in it. I know if I lost a couple of stone did my hair I might feel a bit better about myself, but it is not myself that I need to feel better about, it is my situation, and I just can�t accept it. I just can�t seem to find any happiness at all.

[janed0e]

dancealot, I don't suffer from anxiety attacks. I am very much in control of my every day life. I have a beautifil daughter, who is well looked after and is the nicest kid ever. My friends tell me how strong I am. Everybody else hasn't got a clue.

Yes, I am very much in control I just don't know how long I can hold this front up before it starts affecting people arround me.

[janed0e]

Steve, going back to your post I can't possibly imagine what you are going through. One thing I do know these thoughts are bloody scary. With me it is not them getting me down but the guilt behind them. The acknowledgement of how weak you are because you can�t resist those thoughts. Because these thoughts spell out sickness to the rest of the society.

I hope you find a way out. I hope we all do. let me know if you want to stay in touch...

[Minxie]

JanedOe, For one, change your user name. I think you have too many problems going on at once, and you are tying to tackle them all at the same time.

When you do that, your head become a bigger muddle, and you cant get motivated to do anything (speaking from experience) and so nothing gets done.

Sit down and make a list of all the things that need doing. Then go through that list again, and write it out again, but only put down the really important things. And do it again, until your list gets to a size you think you could manage. Then just try and do one thing. When you have done that one thing. Sit back and give yourself a pat on the back. Its an achievement.

Negative thoughts bring you down. Everytime one enters your head, turn it round. Cont...

[Minxie]

Try and be positive. And I know its easier said than done. I have a lot of responsibilty. I have 4 children, to care for by myself. But it makes you a stronger person, because you HAVE to do it by yourself, for yourself, and the kids.

Did the doctor not prescribe some anti-depressants? They really can help when you are feeling low.

[Ward-Minter]

So you get the same answers as mine if you do tell the facts? Therefore ergo, I say the right answer before i even know.

EVERY problem you can think of can be summed up by only two choices, not 4 like you say. They are

1) Deal with it

or

2) Don't deal with it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Deal with it. Move on, cry, do whatever but life goes on.

Don't deal with it, life stops there. The "problem" will consume you. It will then destroy you.

The very best psychologists and psychiartists worldwide are following the dictum of "get a grip therapy".

Remember, deal with it (yipee) don't deal with it (poo-poo)

[JustSia]

Minxie, thank you. Funny you should say about the list. I tried it last year and have actually sorted out a few that way. The ones I am stuck with seem to be the catch 22 ones.

I have always moved forward, there were always goals, ambitions. Now I am stuck in a limbo, which is occasionally interrupted by my ex being a complete and utter <insert a word here>.

I am scared of becoming a resentful and bitter old hag. But more importantly I am scared of my daughter becoming aware of how I feel. I love her more than anything in this world and I feel incredibly guilty for wanting to have a life. You know just thinking if I wasn't alone if I had my family around I wouldn't be struggling like I do now. But I am alone and although I am strong I don't know how much of this strength I have left.

[Jennykins]

I have had some very very hard times in my past.. and at times I felt I couldnt even see the light at the end of the tunnel.. I new I wasnt Depressed or Anxityed.. I just new I felt as if I was hitting my head against a wall and not getting anywhere,,, I dont know your personal life or anything about you.. I can only tell you that life go's and nothing ever last.. No matter how good or bad, everything changes. Stay strong and hang in there.. Do somethings that make you feel good.. Like a sit at the beach watching the waves rool over... or do your nails??lol whatever makes you smile.. Dont forget about you. You should be so proud of your self for being a mommie and doing so much on your own.. If some people make snotty remarks to you and say things that hurt your feelings.. just let it go and know that somebody who is really truly happy with them self's would never say or act like that.. so they have there own issues and there taking it out on you at that moment..

What I did to teach my self to handle what life sends me, is I started yoga.. and meditation.. It has really helped me to clear my head. Take care Jane.. I Hope you find your inner happiness .

[Feetrixifee]

Just came into this thread and even though the posts on here can help, I strongly suggest you get in touch with The Samaritan's or a similar support group - sorry don't know if it's appropriate to do recommendations?

You can email them and they respond within 24 hours. I have been in touch with them for a while and they have been a wonderful source of support. They help with suicide issues and are not judgmental in any way. Until I emailed them, I could not open up to anyone. I explained everything in an email (it's totally private) and felt so much better.

I really hope you find light at the end of your tunnel. It might not feel like that at the moment, but in time it will open up to a beautiful sunny future.

[Minxie]

You dont have to feel guilty about wanting a life. We all want that. The bitterness thing is with me sometimes, but I try and ride over that, as its eats away at you, and doesnt do you any good. Like Jennykins I have also tried meditation, and it does clear your mind.

Another thing I have learnt is try to stay away from negative people, or those who bring you down. It is so much easier for me to sit and type this to you. But I have had really low days, and some very difficult times. And am still rising above them. Be strong.

I am usually on AB if you ever want to talk.

[JustSia]

W-M, I apreciate the effort I just pray you are not in the councelling line of work.

I may appear to be suffering from the 'Poor Me' syndrome, but let me assure you I am anything but...

Like I said before I have dealt with and sorted out a few of my problems. I have also said I am not suicidal. I am simply stuck with the absurdity of the situation which is played out 24/7.

One cannot stop thoughts. Delay them perhaps but not stop them outright. Can you imagine how easy it would be to deal with addictions if one could just switch off one's brain. I might not be planning a suicide but I am not stupid to ignore a problem and pretend it might not get worst with time. And I am dealing with it as well as I can.

As to 'like it or lump it' truism, do you believe that every problem has a solution? How about when you ignore the problem and go on with your life, would it not be dealing with it? Of course you are left with the two probabilities of it catching up with you and destroying you, which is when you jump up and accuse the person of not dealing with it, or the problem goes away, and then you are stuck with the paradox of not having done anything physical about the problem yet it is not there.

Unfortunately things are not always as black and white as you suggest. If they were I would be asking for solutions to mine and perhaps donations as that would certainly help. Fancy sending me a cheque for a few grand, that would help me deal with a couple of problems?

[JustSia]

Jennykins, thank you so much. I am really greatful for what you said.

Feetrixifee, I have thought about it. I know talking helps. That is why I am here I suppose. I will give it a chance I think next time I am having one of those bad days. Thank you.

Minxie, yeap, I know what you mean about negative people. Unfortunately, the one and only person who has that power over me is my ex and he only does it by playing my daughter against me. Sometimes I wish I could just disappear with her but that would be completely selfish and I don't think I could take her away from her father no matter how much I might dislike him.

[JustSia]

BTW, Minxie if you have noticed I went to my original nick. Sorry for the cloak and dagger but I was a bit self-conscious posting under it before, now I don't think I had anything to worry about.

Thanks.