Why are some people more insecure than others?

[PinkFizz]

How can some of us be the insanely insecure type,and yet others can be totally confident and trusting? Is it always a case of something that has happened in our past to make us that way,or are we just born like it?

[PinkFizz]

Redcrx - I wouldnt have thought so,but to go from never speaking to them to going out for evening and staying in a hotel seems a bit odd

[fee-is-me]

What do your instincts say?

Presumably you think he is playing away in order for you to say this now... or at least the shred of doubt has appeared?

[glammapus]

I agree with IMP. There was no need to be so judging people. We should all be able to express what we believe on here without getting snotty. Doesn't necessarily mean anyone is more right than anyone else.

[fee-is-me]

It's the hotel thing that bothers me.

Why is a hotel necessary?

[redcrx]

I can see why it seems odd, it would to me as well. BUT it may be innocent hun and he may think that its his chance to have a good sociable night out with his colleagues. Why not ask him why everything has changed suddenly?

[PinkFizz]

I did txt him and say that it would do him good to meet new people ,but why was he staying at a hotel and he replied that he wanted to drink and therefore not drive.But it just seems strange to gout for the whole eve and stay out with workmates you've basically never even spoken to.Maybe im just being daft.

[fee-is-me]

Do you trust him?

[redcrx]

why not offer to pick him up at end of evening?

[PinkFizz]

He knows I cant pick him up - its too far and he knows I would have my son in bed.Yes Ive never had any reason to doubt him before - he doesnt go out with friends ever - maybe thats whats niggling away at me.

[redcrx]

well only you know if you can trust him or not. id say give him the benefit of the doubt.

[PinkFizz]

I guess so.....its just ,oh I dont know.Its totally out of character.What would you lot do if your hubby's etc came home and said exactly the same thing?

[fee-is-me]

I agree with redcrx.

If you have no basis on which to distrust him, you will only eat yourself up with worry if you let it niggle.

See how you feel once he is home.

[Imp y Celyn]

i wasnt saying that you were fat or ugly. and in this situation your insecurity may stem from a suspicious or jealous nature which makes you insecure. not judging you, just answering your original question.

following all your bits of writing i seems that your boyfriend wants to go out and enjoy himself for a change without the hassle of getting home in a taxi or worst stil being home at the stroke of midnight or being collected punctually by his girlfriend. how embarassing is it to have to 'check in' with your partner when you are out on an innocent night out?

i think you should be happy that he is finally happy to bond with his colleagues and enjoy a night of freedom (letting his hair down, not from you) as it may even improve his morale at work /home and increase his respect for you accepting he needs to do this for his own good.

[redcrx]

Im sure he'll tell you more about ti when he gets home. perhaps its a lads thing and they are all staying out for the night. As Fee said, you have no reason to suspect him of anything so dont let it eat you up and upset things.

[fee-is-me]

If i had no basis on which to distrust, i would be delighted to think he was doing something different.

I'd also be able to watch anything i liked on tv!!

[4getmenot]

Have a girly night out :-)

[redcrx]

A girly night out with 4getmenot would have your BF worrying about YOU!!! lol.

(only kidding 4getmenot, before you start complaining)

[Imp y Celyn]

ooh, 3 stars!

i reckon that your boyfriend wil go and enjoy himself stay up drinking until all hours, probably phone you while sitting on the bed trying to get his socks off, tell you what a great bunch of people they are and theyre his best friends, he will probably then say he misses you before passing out.

if you are really concerned you could always ask why he needs to stay in a hotel, but its probably because he wants to enjoy himself without being tied down to the clock. and staying in a hotel means that the hotel bar stays open until the last person leaves.

[joko]

i think it can come from many minor incidents, like rolling their eyes, tutting, sighing etc, rather that big acts of cruelty.

when someone is openly hostile, people get defensive and put up a barrier, but when someone 'niggles' in small ways, your walls are down and over time it can instill a sense of not being good enough.

if this happens with a child and their parents, the child is likely to develop 'issues' in later life.

many adult don't realise that what, to them, is nothing, and that they don't mean anything by it, or thinks it just showinga bit of irritation, can seem very different to a small child and create emotions they don't understand.

i think adults should be forced to undergo classes in child care - but not just physical safety and care, but mental stimulation and care too.

there are too many facked up people in the world and so often it turns out to be their upbringing.

[fee-is-me]

Lol... i like that reply!