Friends with ur ex?

[chic21998]

Is it unrealistic to expect to be really good friends with your ex?

Im talking about a guy i split up with 7 yrs ago, i see him as more of a brother than anything else. However a few things have been playing on mind and i wrote him a long letter about it.

Ive been told in no uncertain terms to f*** off, im not upset as such cos like i say i see him as i mate but was i kidding myself in the first place??

[laurence2]

No its not unrealistic to be good friends, tho i,m intrigued to know what was playing on your mind, which resulted in him telling you to Fcuk off

[China Doll]

I never stay in touch with my exes to be honest, I don't think it's a great idea to be friends with them after the fact but then I've never been in the situation where I wanted to still have them in my life.

[warpig1]

I have been in a similar situation to you chic, I genuinely thought my ex and I could be friends but found that this only works if both people feel the same way. My ex sent me an email stating that he never wanted to see me again, he wasn't being mean but he needed to move on and felt that he couldn't do that if I was still in his life. This did hurt me but I totally understand his reasons.

Can you tell us what you wrote to prompt his reaction?

[mccfluff]

i thought i was good friends with my ex, until he told me one night that he's still in love with me and is waiting for me to come to my sense's so we can get back together, after two years you'd think he'd get the message!

[noxlumos]

I hate my ex wife, if she caught fire I wouldn't p**s on her to put her out, however she is the exception as I am very friendly with a lot of my ex's, including one of my ex girlfriend's who was killed in an accident and whose little boy now lives with us. No reason you shouldn't be friends at all, I mean in theory you once loved this person, that doesn't just disappear overnight even when things go wrong and as long as there as no purposeful hurt then you should still feel friendly and affectionate towards them. I don't think you were being unrealistic.

[missmuppet]

I still share my house with my soon ex to be husband. We've been together for over 21 years but I now think of him as my best friend/ brother i never had. We have seperate rooms and still look after our two dogs together. We get on better now than we ever did, although I think he might also be waiting for me to'come to my senses' too.

[chic21998]

well over the last 6 months we've had way more contact and i was happy about that, last weekend we went for drinks and it was lovely i really enjoyed myself.

What i told him was that i feel that for eg. when gals/guys fancy each other they play games dont they, where there are rules ie. ring after 3 days and silliness like that.

I feel that he does that to me, or we'll have a conversation by txt then suddenly stop replying (he's on contract) or go offline when we're on msn when im in mid sentence. Or he asks me to hook him up with my friends (who would never go there anyway!)

For me those actions are for people that are about to get it on/want to get in on. I ring my mates 8 times a day and theres no issue but with him i wouldnt even though i see him as one of them.

I asked him to be straight with me as to why he did this-he replied something like 'dont want to have anything to do with you, i have no interest in you, dont get in touch ect...'

im surprised because i was totally honest/genuine/didnt say anything remotely rude-it doesnt make sense to me i cant work it out and after 7 yrs im sure that he doesnt want to be with me again like that.

[nat_84]

Im not great friends with my ex. Luckily we dont live so close to bump into each othe rin the same places etc.

Being a jealous Scorpio - i hate the thought of my current boyfriend being good mates with his ex. She used to call him and i'd get soooo jealous. ONe of those traits you hate to have but cant help!!!

[nat_84]

Your ex doesnt seem very nice.... and he seems rude.... excuse my early pressumtions...

But it seems like he's just keeping you at arms length so that you can't get over him and will contact you when he feels like it.

If i were you, i'd just ignore and avoid him - u deserve better. You've given him 7 years of your life and i think its ran its course.

[chic21998]

HI nat,

yeah your right im defo gunna just leave it now!

ps.we split up 7 yrs ago (i know can u believe we're still even talking about it!) we only went out for a yr.

[nat_84]

awww bless chic.

Relationships are funny old things!!!!

Sometimes its just best to leave the good memories behind and move on, rather than chase the relationship.

Hope you've found a nice new fella that we'll talk to you during all hours - without cutting off the convo half way through!!! x