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Unreasonable dad ?
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I'm divorced & live my son.His 21st birthday is coming up in October.His mother & sister have offered to buy him a tattoo to celebrate the occasion. I've told him if he gets a tattoo I will throw him out of the house. I think i'm saving him from mutilating his body,& saving him from embarassment in later years.What do you lot think?
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If he wants it he will get it. I wanted my nose pierced and mum said �if you get that done you won�t be stepping foot in my house�. Well I got it done and she went mad and I wasn�t allowed in her house, I could have taken it out but I wanted to prove I�m no different just because I have a stud in my nose and after a few months she let me go round hers. But hey people cant keep me away for long. :-) Its his body and him that has to put up with it
Wow I have to say carrust well done this is a great question for a Friday morning. Because although you are just trying to be a good parent it�s a tricky one because of his age. We�d all love for our kids to grow up the way we want but sometimes you�ve got to let them learn for themselves. And YOU despise them not him. Its his life
Well you said it, carrust ~ it's your opinion. I don't agree with my son dressing up in tracksuits, gelling his hair and hanging round with his chav mates, but it's something he wants to do. As kids get older you lengthen the leash until it's really time to let them make their own decisions & let them make their own mistakes. I actually started doing this when my kids were much younger..in fact, from the time they could walk!
You let them feel a little danger, you let them walk a little further away from you. Where they are living isn't an issue. We aren't talking about him using your place as a crack den are we?
Would you kick your daughter out of your home if she got pregnant?
You let them feel a little danger, you let them walk a little further away from you. Where they are living isn't an issue. We aren't talking about him using your place as a crack den are we?
Would you kick your daughter out of your home if she got pregnant?
Whilst his mum and sister might encourage it, it really ishis choice and if he didn't want one, I'm sure they wouldn't strap him down to the tattooist's chair, would they?
People do have some silly tattoo's yes. But people also have some nice ones. I think perhaps you could highlight to him the social consequences of getting a swasticka, or a tattoo on his forehead and hope that he takes your advice on board.
At the end of the day, it is his decision. And whilst you could throw him out of your house, I think that would do huge damage to your relationship when what you are doing is imposing your views on him, which is wrong. Especially when he's 21. If he was 15, I'd probably agree with you wanting to stop this, but he's an adult. He has a right to make his own choices.
People do have some silly tattoo's yes. But people also have some nice ones. I think perhaps you could highlight to him the social consequences of getting a swasticka, or a tattoo on his forehead and hope that he takes your advice on board.
At the end of the day, it is his decision. And whilst you could throw him out of your house, I think that would do huge damage to your relationship when what you are doing is imposing your views on him, which is wrong. Especially when he's 21. If he was 15, I'd probably agree with you wanting to stop this, but he's an adult. He has a right to make his own choices.
At 21 you really have no say in what he does. You can only give your opinion. It is hardly worth falling out over. If he regrets it in later life, then he only has his self to blame. Just tell him that you are not too happy about it but if that's what he wants, then don't let it become an issue between you. May daughter had one done when she was living at home. No one knew about it. It is only a small one on her shoulder and she kept it covered up when we were around. One day she forgot and I saw it. She was really worried about her dad seeing it. She was still my daughter and the tatoo made no difference.
I'm afraid I disagree with you Carrust. Sorry
I think you are entitled to your opinon about tattoo's, but he is also entitled to his. And since it's his body, you've got to let him make his own decisions.
As atolhurst said, perhaps have a chat with him but I also agree that if you throw him out over exercising his human right to make his own choice, you're being v unreasonable.
I think you are entitled to your opinon about tattoo's, but he is also entitled to his. And since it's his body, you've got to let him make his own decisions.
As atolhurst said, perhaps have a chat with him but I also agree that if you throw him out over exercising his human right to make his own choice, you're being v unreasonable.
I'm sure some people agree with your point of view Carrust. And I don't think it's "wrong". perhaps a few of them will pop up to give their responses on here.
But you've got accept that some people don't think tattoo's are naff (your son is one of them), and therefore will decide to have one.
And if you can't acknowldge that opinion (even though you don't agree with it) you're incredibly narrow minded.
But if it is "your house" then chuck him out if you think "that'll show him". You're not going to stop him getting it. You'll just cause a big rift between the two of you.
But you've got accept that some people don't think tattoo's are naff (your son is one of them), and therefore will decide to have one.
And if you can't acknowldge that opinion (even though you don't agree with it) you're incredibly narrow minded.
But if it is "your house" then chuck him out if you think "that'll show him". You're not going to stop him getting it. You'll just cause a big rift between the two of you.
I agree that tattoos are permanent and some people come to regret them in later life and I would certainly give him a pep talk about it but I am afraid its nothing to do with you. As his parent you are there to guide, not to dictate!
You can only let him know your feelings and hope he comes to a sensible descision! If he still gets the tattoo done then so be it but at the end of the day we learn through our own mistakes and not always everyone elses! He is an adult and I think you should treat him as one. Plus.. if you don't support him then how will he ever be able to come to you when he is really in trouble? It will damage what ever bond you have will him! Leave the boy be... yes they are permanent but no-one has ever died from the long term regret of having a tattoo!
Ruby xx
You can only let him know your feelings and hope he comes to a sensible descision! If he still gets the tattoo done then so be it but at the end of the day we learn through our own mistakes and not always everyone elses! He is an adult and I think you should treat him as one. Plus.. if you don't support him then how will he ever be able to come to you when he is really in trouble? It will damage what ever bond you have will him! Leave the boy be... yes they are permanent but no-one has ever died from the long term regret of having a tattoo!
Ruby xx
It seems to me like you're just looking for someone to agree with you to put your own mind at rest.
Ignorance doesn't get you very far these days and by burying your head in the sand you're going to find yourself driffting further and further away.
You DON'T have to agree with it at all, but you should have enough respect for him both as your son and a fully grown man to let him explore, express and discover. Ok he might regret it one day but that's his choice.
To be honest with you, I think you're being a bit petty over the whole thing and to even suggest that he would be in the same league as those you seem to have had a bad experience with doesn't say much about your feelings towards him.
Do you even know what tattoo he wants?
Do you know where he wants it on his body?
Have you discussed it with him, man to man?
Ignorance doesn't get you very far these days and by burying your head in the sand you're going to find yourself driffting further and further away.
You DON'T have to agree with it at all, but you should have enough respect for him both as your son and a fully grown man to let him explore, express and discover. Ok he might regret it one day but that's his choice.
To be honest with you, I think you're being a bit petty over the whole thing and to even suggest that he would be in the same league as those you seem to have had a bad experience with doesn't say much about your feelings towards him.
Do you even know what tattoo he wants?
Do you know where he wants it on his body?
Have you discussed it with him, man to man?
Are you just saying you'll throw him out to call his bluff and try and emotionally blackmail him into changing his mind? If so , prepare to have it blow up in your face..
My husbands mother did this twelve years ago over something equally trivial. The bottom line was she didn't want to accept he was an adult with his own priorities and wanted to keep him under her control. When she said one night; thinking it would make him back down; 'well, if you feel like that you can get out of my house' - he shrugged, packed a bag and left. She spent years trying to convince she hadn't meant it but for him it was too late. She wasn't at our wedding, doesn't know where we live and has never seen our children.
If you throw him out you will be throwing out your future, is that really worth doing over a drawing?
My husbands mother did this twelve years ago over something equally trivial. The bottom line was she didn't want to accept he was an adult with his own priorities and wanted to keep him under her control. When she said one night; thinking it would make him back down; 'well, if you feel like that you can get out of my house' - he shrugged, packed a bag and left. She spent years trying to convince she hadn't meant it but for him it was too late. She wasn't at our wedding, doesn't know where we live and has never seen our children.
If you throw him out you will be throwing out your future, is that really worth doing over a drawing?
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