death

[tradey]

my mate lost her mum 2yrs ago,well about 6mths ago her dad was told he had cancer he was given a year to live,well three months later, he died yesterday,i want to know how can i be there for her when she wont see anyone,ive tried knocking texting,i know how shes feeling ive been there when my dad died,anyone got any answers.shes finding it very hard cheers

[China Doll]

Just keep doing what you're doing really. If she won't see anyone then perhaps a text/call every couple of days with the message 'I'm thinking of you.' Don't swamp her or anything like that, let her come to you.

When she does come then just let her talk or sit in silence if that's what she wants to do, don't try and make her talk. Let her do everything at her own pace.

If she feels like she might need extra support from people she doesn't know then CRUISE are excellent.

Good lucj, thoughts are with you and your friend. xx

[bednobs]

you cant force her surely? if she dosent want to see anyone, you cant change that really

[bednobs]

and to add to chinas post, CRUSE (no I) have a brill website too

[tradey]

im not forcing her to do anything i just want to know shes alright,ill do what you say keep texting to let her to let her know im here for her,i just want to give her a big hug and kiss and to tell her im here thankyou xx

[silverdaler]

You sound like a lovely friend to have.
I know how it feels as i lost my dear dad recently and for weeks i really found it hard to face people. i wanted them to ask about him, i wanted to talk about him, but i was afraid of getting upset in front of people (but i did anyway) and embarrasing them.
we all deal with death differently, and the previous advice is good. keep in touch even if you dont get a response straight away. Tell your friend you are there when needed.
well done xx

[Pea Pod]

Put your thoughts in a letter and drop it through her door.

[cascarelli]

I think thats a very good idea Pea Pod, a hand written letter is much more personal. Just let her know youre there for her if/when she needs you. There's not much more you can do at a time like this. Everybody copes with it differently.

[Robinia]

If it was only yesterday I wouldn't worry just yet, maybe she just needs a day or two on her own.
You don't say how old she is or whether she has any other family but there's an awful lot of arrangements to make when someone dies & it may be that your friend is actually out doing those things.
Be there for her when the funeral is over, in my experience that's when people tend to disappear & leave you to it.

[orlieborlie]

The poor girl - life can be very cruel sometimes. I agree with all the previous posts. I've lost both parents and its hard being an orphan! I've found with friends who are going through a tough time and won't face people that a short "thinking of you" text, which requires no answer, is appreciated and remembered when they come back to the land of the living. Cards and letters are also treasured by the bereaved. And when she's ready - listen.

[tradey]

id just like to say a big thankyou to you all for your help. shes 35,has a husband and two kids,and three bros and a sister they are close which is good,i know shell be ok but i know its hard,it only feels like five mins ago when my dad went.ive sent her a card but im going to write her a note too that sounds good to me cheers again xx