Temptations

[lifeandsold]

I need some advice please. I am a man in my late thirties and I have a wife and a child. I recently got promoted at work and got a new office etc and a new secretary to boot. My wife is constantly accusing me of having an affair with this woman (who admittedly is very very attractive) I have not done anything with this woman and although I have thought about it (who wouldn't?) I have never cheated on my wife. It is becoming a nightly thing for my wife to interrogate me about this woman and I am starting to now wonder 'if I am being accused of it, why not DO IT?' I don't want to ruin my relationship but this is driving me to distraction.

[spurslady]

Are you sure you are not newman trying to stir things up with yet another user name?

[redcrx]

yes, i think its meant to be a secret athley

[sp1814]

lifeandsoul

First of all, this may be shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted, but the next time your wife asks if some woman is good looking, affect a bored look and reply "Spose so...some men might like that, but I think she looks a bit ovbious".

You may want to write that down on a card and keep it with you for ready reference.

One point - you say your wife is constantly accusing you of having an affair with this woman.

How did she get to this place? Has she met her? Have you ever been out with your wife in a group where this woman was? Do you keep referring to her?

I ask because something must've sewn that seed.

I would also suggest that you absolutely steer clear of coming onto this woman.

If she reciprocates, you stand a very good chance of losing your family.

If she doesn't reciprocate, you stand a very good chance of being hauled over the coals for 'inappropriate workplace behaviour'.

In future only have gay male secretaries. Zero chance of you having an affair with him, and he will protect you from making bad clothing decisions.

Voila.

[Athley]

Oh I thought that 4getmenot was telling me off for being unsympathetic and I didn't want you all thinking I was as horrible as this git!!!!!

[4getmenot]

play along with it athley :-) If I have a smiley in the sentence I'm usually joking

[4getmenot]

That�s why I answered it pa__ul, we may be wrong about it being all the same person so lets all be nice until its proven guilty :-)

[Athley]

Okey Dokey!!

:o)

[lifeandsold]

We have to go out quite a lot as a company and my secretary comes along with us. My wife has seen her a few times when she has met me for lunch and she was quite rude to her (my secretary) for no reason whatsoever. yes, she is a pretty girl, stunning even and yes, the thought has crossed my mind, only natural, . But it gets to the point where my wife is asking me if I am thinking about her during sex, and I'm sorry but if she is accusing me of doing it then what am I supposed to do, then I think of her during sex and after wards feel very guilty.

[PinkFizz]

Excellent advice sp1814 !!

Never EVER say you find your secretary attractive - even if she is,and your wife knows she is!!

Just emphasise her bad points,like she is a right cow,or smells etc - if she has no bad points then you will have to make some up! ; )

[spurslady]

Tell your wife that you have found out she is a lesbian and has the hot's for her not you, might shut her up a bit.

[Lore]

The fact that you keep on saying how attractive your secretary is and 'who wouldn't' etc etc not to mention thinking about her when you're having sex with your wife - you can't blame that on your wife's insecurities, it comes across as you already having a thing for your secretary which is probably evident to your wife.

as for Why not DO IT? - what makes you think your secretary wants to have an affair with you?

If you don't want to ruin your relationship then do something positive, get back on track with being your wife's husband/ lover and stop looking for permission to cheat on her because of her insecurities.

[sp1814]

spurslady

Problem Alert

Women know that men have that whole 'lesbian fantasy' thing going (normally about 73% of most men's minds are taken up with that, the other 27% is split equally between football, beer and their iPods).

If you tell your wife your secretary is a lesbian, your wife may simply deduce that you're 'projecting'.

PinkFizz has nailed it...don't give your wife any reason to believe you may be at all interested in your secretary.

Oh, one other thing...you know that bit in your first post "I'm starting now to wonder "If I'm being accused of it, why not do it"?

C'mon mate...! You know that's the worst excuse in the world!

[Mr Tall]

Whats a matter with these women do that not realise that every women we look at we think about having sex with, even if we do shudder afterwards and cringe about the thought.

[zimzam]

How does your wife know that your secretary is attractive? I totally agree with sp1814's post but if you feel as you say "if I am accused of it, why not do it" then that's simply the male ego talking that even with a ring on your nose some female finds you attractive. If you were in a happy marriage you would not even raise this question let alone think of dipping your wick elsewhere. Grow up, take marriage seriously, tell your wife that there is nobody else in your life apart from her and you are not interested in any other female - wine her and dine her and make her feel special. Married women who feel they are in competition with a husband's place of work need reassurance and made to feel that no other could take their place.

[joko]

why can't a woman hear that another woman is attractive?

if i asked my boyfriend if he thought a blatantly attractive woman was attractive and he said no, not only would i not believe him, i would wonder why he was lying - either he has something to hide or he thinks i am too much of an idiot to uderstand the difference between the perfectly natural human emotion of appreciating and acknowledging an attractive face and actually fancying someone and wanting more to happen between them.