Ruby, with out me sounding rude because may be i have gone off on a tangent, its difficult to understand fully what went on as none of us was there. It is however quite obvious that it has annoyed you. When you said about would it have been ok (the senario) if you had done all those things, i would never have slated you because i would of understood, and because you wrote the senario so elaquently seems to me that you probably understood why she acted the way she did,not to say she was right at all with her actions,no one has the right to hit anyone under any circumstances, but sometimes we have the ability to understand and forgive them for acting like a complete plank.
Is that answer to your satisfaction?