Was it wrong that he did this?

[shady_jady]

I posted a question in the Jobs and Education section about a job dilemma I'm having. I have been offered a job by the director of a company in our office block, but would really like to work for John Lewis Head Office (have interview on Monday). I'm required to make a presentation about a product range (as I'm going for a Buying position), but really lack in the confidence area. This director offered to help me prepare for the presentation and took me into his office. He then told me to present myself and describe what I'm wearing whilst tying to sell each item. He then started talking about what underwear I'm wearing, and made me lift up my top and desrcibe my bra. He then tried to make me do the same with my skirt. It's pretty much made my decision about which job I'd like to go for, however can I really pass up the chance for a good job over this?

[warpig3]

Shady whether you think it malicious or not IT IS INAPPROPRIATE and he knows fine rightly what he was doing. As redcrx says, speak to someone you can trust outside of work or better still go to the police.

[shady_jady]

Everyone else in the office is over 30, so I'm now wondering why he was so keen to get me to take the job in the first place. Hmmm... I think if I'd have said it made me uncomfortable then he would have apologised. Maybe even been a bit upset. I should have said something, but as I've said I have a problem with confidence. I think if he tried anything again, I'd let him nkow how it is.

[shady_jady]

I feel a bit stupid for asking the question now really. It's quite obvious it's not normal, just wanted some reassurance that I wasn't overreacting. My partner sounds like he wants to kill him! :-O

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i dont understand you jady. you have already said he did something similar to your work colleague.
I dont know the full situation, but it sure seems this guy uses his 'boss' status as a way of being able to do what he wants.
My guess is that he has done this on many occasions and he can sense your invulnarability and is preying on it. Like i said previously, your letting thousands of women all over down by not reporting him. the next time he may go that one step further, but it may be someone even more vulnarable than you...

[shady_jady]

Well the thing with my colleague, she actually worked for him and they got on fairly well. It didn't seem to bother her, so I thought it was just something they did between friends (a little creepy though). But they've known each other for 2 years. Didn't think he'd behave like that with me, as I barely know him.

[skyep]

This is how we're seeing it shady. You are 20 right! just imagine you being told of something similar happening to someone half your age.

[daffy654]

I have a daughter your age shady and I swear if any of her bosses ever did this to her they would be getting a visit from me and her stepdad along with the police!!!

[redcrx]

if a friend of yours was telling you this story as it happened to them, what would you sy? would you accept that it was just one of those things and get your friend to ignore it?

[shady_jady]

You're right guys. If someone told me, I'd think it wasn't right. I'd tell them to tell someone, but now that I'm in that position it's tough to do. The rest of the time he's a genuinely nice bloke, and will do anything to help you. He's had a tough time lately (just lost a young son). This is no excuse for harassing young women! Just don't think I could act on it at all. Does this make me a terrible person? God I hope not!

[Octavius]

Well from what I have scanned over, it appears that the behaviour was mutual. Sorry that sounds a bit harsh, but surely at the time you must have known it wasn�t right- you are 20, not 12. By going along with this, you have merely consented to his inappropriate requests and demands. Whatever you report, I am afraid that people will just wonder whether you either encouraged him by going along with it (and not shouting at the time) or that deep down you actually enjoyed the attention and were only too willing to co-operate. This is probably why your boyfriend is angry, maybe he distrusts you and your naivety.

Although being a boss gives certain privileges that is not one of them. It also comes with responsibility. I�m sorry it just don�t look good. For you or him.

[skyep]

Octavius, I can't agree on that. She has said she lacks confidence. All this bloke has done is well sussed her out and taken advantage big time knowing she will feel awkward & not report it!

[redcrx]

shady, you cant excuse what hes done. If you dont want to do anything about ti then why ask us if its right of not?

[shady_jady]

People are so quick to judge aren't they? The boss lifts up my top, and I want to cry because I'm scared, naive and don't know what to do for the best. And that means I'm enjoying it? I encouraged him! I went into work with a low cut top and asked him to do it? No. In fact I'm wearing a polo neck without an ounce of skin on show other than my face and hands. I'm about as far from encouraging as a person can get. My boyfriend is angry because he knows what a nervous and shy person I am and is disgusted that someone would use that against me.

[Octavius]

Skyep, I hold with the other opinion above that for a young girl who can go into an office alone with a man and flash, and strip off when asked and not realise it is inappropriate behaviour, is not lacking in confidence but is either a thrill-seeker or na�ve. In my opinion, someone who lacks confidence would run a mile at the first request.

I am by no means condoning this mans inapt behaviour, I am just opining on the information provided and viewing from an alternative perspective.

And taking your last point shady � if that is the case, why in dickens are you asking us whether it was wrong he did this? It would appear you already know.

[shady_jady]

Can I repeat that I didn't ******* strip off and flash to him! He came over and was standing next to me. He made me describe my skirt and then my top. He then said to lift it up, to which I said no. He then said something along the lines of that this is why I'm so shy and shouldn't be embarassed about things. He then lifted it up. I froze and was too shocked to do anything. He then just carried on as normal as if nothing had happened and it wasn't a big deal. This is why I'm asking, as does he genuinely think he was making a point, or is he just a pervert. That was what I was looking for. It seems I've got an answer and I don't need a personality analysis from someone that knows nothing about me.

[redcrx]

most of us have said hes a pervert. So can you please now go and speak to the police?

[Reverandfunk]

In all honesty red as bad as it is its one persons word against another

[skyep]

shady - Print all this off, then go and show someone xx

[daffy654]

If you don't want to report him for your own sake shady can you at least do it for the other vulnerable girls he will do this to in the future.It doesn't matter that he recently lost a son,that is no excuse for this.You say he didn't mean it in a nasty way but as an employer he knows his behaviour is wrong.Someone needs to stand up against him now before he does something worse.

[Octavius]

Yes, now that you realise from all our opinions that his behaviour was inappropriate and tantamount to sexual harassment in the workplace, and not a genuine demomstration of your 'shyness' you should go and report him.

Start with a senior member of HR or your line manager and failing that go to the police.