A difficult time :0(

[Suzanne1981]

Hello, ive just gone through the most horrendous break-up EVER and could do with some comforting! Id been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, i loved him dearly and I know he loved me very much, BUT i always struggled to accept his relationship with his ex-girlfriend (who he has a child with) throughout the 4 years he made lots of little mistakes, (txting her flirty msg/calling me her name) although they were only small things they really hurt!

Over the past few months especially ive been finding it difficult to trust him with her, and found my self checking his phone calls which i know is wrong! Last night I had a glimpse of his phone and saw that he was on the phone to her for an hour from 11pm - 12pm saturday night. He said he has never cheated and isnt even interested in his ex but they are good friends and always would be! i was furious coz in nearly 4 yrs we never spent an hour on the phone! I told him it was over, and he said that it wasnt working anyway because of my 'paranoia'! Anyways i'm distraught, i know we could never work it out because Id constantly feel jealous of their relationship...some friendly words please to help me through this hard time, thanks x

[4getmenot]

Its very sad and I hope soon you will feel better about it all. I;m sorry to say though if you were constantly checking on him its probably for the best. xx

[Bohne]

If he was not cheating on you with his ex, then your jealousie probably made his life hell, too.
So now you are both better off, and can look forward...

If he was cheating, then you are definitely better off without him.

Either way, maybe you should work on your jealousie and your self-confidence.
It is very unlikely that you will find a partner who has not had a past.
And sometimes past relationships extend into the present.
But a partner who decided to be with you should get your trust, until he proves he does not deserve it.

But for now, try to enjoy your life.
Do things you've always wanted to do but never had the time for, or just did not get round to it.
Travel.
Take up a new hobby.
Start liking yourself.

In three months time you will look back and know it was a good decision!

[tigersam258]

Suzanne, I have to agree with the other postees here, it is probably for the best even though it may not seem like it at the moment.

Relationships require trust and he put trust in you that any contact he had with his ex was on a platonic basis or revolved around his child. The hour long conversation could simply be that the ex was struggling to cope with the child and needed a kind ear. Have they had long conversations like this before to your knowledge?

Sometimes ex partners need to talk to one another as there is an understanding there especially if children are involved.

Sad to hear, Suzanne, but its a big world out there and live does move on.

Good luck

Sam xxx

[Suzanne1981]

My head is telling me ive made the right decision, but then (like mentioned in the posts) I have this nagging feeling that it WAS just a platonic relationship between him and his ex! We hardly ever fell out and really enjoyed each others company...plus we just booked a holiday last week for mid june :-(

I know I would never change though, it began when she split from her ex, suddenly she was on the phone to my boyfriend 6-7 times a day, and looking back I dont think it was trust issues, i think it was jealousy! I'd check his phone 2-3 times a week - if she hadn't called him i'd be happy, if she'd called id sink into a horrible mood! Im going to miss him a lot though :0(

[tigersam258]

its hard when something you really want doesnt work out as you expect. time is a great healer and you never know the time apart from this guy may make you both realise if you are destined to be together after all. He could be having the thoughts of regret the same as you and given a little time and space may come to realise that he needs to appreciate that his communication with his ex however innocent is giving you concern. The best thing that you can do is sit and talk about it, calmly and rationally.

You never know, you might get what you want after all.

Sam xxx

[banjosister]

I feel for you lovey.

I dumped mine about a month ago and I still miss him sooo much!

I think it is for the best but I am still remembering the good times.

I make myself remember the crap and how it made me feel and I get thro it.

Im not gonna die afterall!

We were supposed to be going abroad this year. Now I have no one to go with.

So I shall save the money for a rainy day.

Big love and Hugs

BB xx

[Steve_Luts]

Hey Suzanne, it sounds a pretty difficult situation, but one you can get over. I've just met somebody who is lovely, but sounds like she was treated pretty badly by an ex bloke.

The other night she heard my phone beep and (a text from my mum, remindig me of my neice's birthday!) but made the mistake of checking the message over my shoulder. I clocked her doing it and she was mortified...I wasn't bothered at all as I have nothing to hide, but she had a cathartic moment of "when you've been with someone you can't trust it makes you suspicious".

What I would say, as someone who has lived a varied life and considers himself wordly wise is that an hour on the phone to an ex partner is somewhat odd, if you are not party to the conversation. Lots of people have to get on with ex partners for various reasons, I do with mine, but an hour to me smacks of more than sorting domestic arrangements!

I think you probably know the answer for yourslef and are jsut seeking some reassurance of your own feelings, which is completely understandable. My own advice..look after number 1. Hope that helps.

[Ice.Maiden]

I don't think being on the phone for an hour is anything to get worried about - particularly as your ex had a child by his previous partner. It's all about trust, and if you weren't convinced by your boyfriend's explanations, then it's best that you've parted - for both your sakes. Move on, hun, and eventually you'll meet someone that you can have all to yourself, but try and tame the jealousy, otherwise no relationship's going to work. Best of luck x.

[shanx]

maybe he was talking about the child they had together , and making arrangements , it dosent mean he thinks less of you , but he has a child and the child comes first and foremost , try and get more involved with his son and imbrace him , as well as your partner .

[Suzanne1981]

Thank you for all your kind words, now i have the difficult task of 'getting over him'! He's already deleted all our photos off Facebook and random girls have suddenly been added to his 'friends list'. Oh dear, how can someone I gave four years of my life to be so horrid! Although we did end on bad terms how can he find it so easy to cut me out his life completely? Surely he would understand how much i did for him (helping raise his son etc) Im ranting now sorry, I can just see that times are going to be very difficult! I hope to god that the saying isnt true that it takes half the time of your relationship to get over them!

[4getmenot]

he cant find it that easy to cut out of your life, he's doing all this for a reaction, but really from reading what he's done you're better off without him

[Bohne]

You have to let it go now and let him go!
The more you hang on to whys and hows, the harder you are making it on yourself.

Look forward, not back!