Eating

[Scarlett]

Whilst running a lunchtime club, I asked one of the girls where her lunch was. She said that she never ate lunch or breakfast but she did eat tea.

I said did her Mum know this and she said no, and that her mum sometimes gives her sandwiches, which she always throws in the bin.

We joked about how sad that was, but the girl is very thin (I've known her since she was 6 and she is not naturally thin), and I wonder if this is anything to be concerned about. Or do all 14 year old girls do this?

[China Doll]

My sister did the same thing at about 15 and believe me, in our family the women come with child bearing hips and discus throwing arms so skinny was definitely not her natural look.

I found accidently while raiding her wardrobe to retrive one of my tops and she had a list of goals stuck to the inside of the door, presuambly as a reminder. I was very concerned but neither of my sisters has been hit by the stupid stick (well, not too hard at least) so I just had a chat with her in the evening, pointed out that she had a lovely figure (they both do) and what made it even better was there was a definite butt, boobs and hips and this was actually very attractive, (in my opinion) and that although all three of us are disposed to putting weight on easily that not eating wouldn't stop that because your body clings on to fat even more then. We had a little chat about healthy eating rather than non eating and it seemed to do the trick.

I watched her quite closely for the next few days (including discreetly enlisting a couple of her friends to keep an eye on her at school) but she was fine. There's a lot of peer pressure on teenagers these days, both male and female, and what it doesn't take in to account are body types or healthy eating and exercise etc.... we live in a culture that demands a quick fix for everything including perfection. So while I don't necessarily think that screaming from the roof tops that this girl you know is in trouble, I do think someone in her family needs to know. I hope that like my sister it's a phase but if you're saying she's already very thin then I think someone in her family needs to be made aware. As they see her everyday they may not have noticed the change.

[CT]

A recent scientific study suggests that youngsters who skip breakfast, actually end up a few pounds heavier, on average, than those who eat a nutritious breakfast.

[mimi-moomoo]

yes but ct, those who are skipping breakfast tend to be a few pounds heavier because they're trying to lose weight

[gallapunk]

Scarlett, I think - as you do - that you've probably chatted to someone with the start of a 'problem', especially as you know her anyway. It's awful the way the media make girls feel. it was bad enough when we were young, but now they not only have to have big boobs and shapely legs; they have to be twiglets in between those two points as well. Is there any way you could talk to her parents - or any other family member - without being accused of being a busy-body?

You are right in thinking that all 14 year olds go through this, but if this girl is quite so skinny, has she gone too far?

[Eve]

It is a difficult one. I remember hiding food and not eating from about 10/11 and was first in hospital age 12.

I was referred to an eating disorder specialist when I was about 15 but never went as was told by family I didn't have an eating disorder.

Went on to be in hospital a couple more times before I realised I had a problem and was in a few times after that.

I honestly don't know what would have helped me get help sooner. It caused a huge amount of hurt with friends and people who tried to help me. The people who helped me best were the ones who listened and asked rather than those who would just beg me or try and force me to eat or try and get me into hospital.

It can cause serious problems, my digestive system never seems to have recovered and I'm in a lot of pain a lot of the time, am intolerant to all sorts of food, was told at one point if I didn't stop having kidney infections they would fail, so many problems.

I finally managed to get myself sorted out when I was 20 though I still have my moments and am very faddy still about food.

Because of the pain and such I often don't eat anything until the evening (very difficult not being able to than not wanting too believe me).

I'd say the best way is to to keep the communication open, listen and don't judge and talk to her not at her.

Gently try and find out if there's anything else she's doing, making herself sick, laxatives etc... (preferably without giving her ideas).

Try and suggest ways she can be healthier and happier in what she does and don't expect miracles all at once.

If she's unhappy then try and find ways with her of making her happier rather than taking it out on her body.

Is she an overachiever, quite common here as with certain "hobbies" (I did ballet and gymnastics and they did their own damage).

[Eve]

It's often a way of controlling something when they cannot control something else. Maybe there's a problem somewhere she feels she can't control so is trying to control herself.

[jimmy654]

No it's not normal. My oldest Daughter did this and it turned out to be anorexia, thank God we got her help in time before any permanent damage occurred. It could be a form of anorexia, to your knowledge does she eat breakfast? Ask her why she skips lunch if she does it because she thinks she's fat you should try to get her help. In the early stages it may be hard to know for sure if she has anorexia or it may be an eating disorder not otherwise specified http://www.eatingdisordersonline.com/explain/e dnos.php
(If you dont know what they are)
Either way she is young and you could still get her help before it's to late