what's your take on this?

[bubbles4920]

a friend/colleague of my husband works away and lives by us.his wife, daughter and her friend ,both teenagers are over to visit for 2 weeks. they dont have a car here so i offered to drive the girls to get their nails done then take them all to the beach. we went to macdonalds on the way and paid for our lunch separately. his wife saw me put petrol in my car which of course isnt cheap. when we got to the beach you had to pay, not a great amount but as my purse was in the car, his wife paid for me and i said i would pay her back later.
when i dropped them off, i got my money out to pay but then realised i didnt have any change so i would pay her at the weekend. im doing a barbeque for them on sunday and arranging lunch out next week though for that its pay for yourself. so what annoys me is the fact that if i had been taken round, i would have offered to pay for lunch and or pay for the beach, not expect to be paid back for it! maybe im too soft and do too much for people.. so i am now contemplating not paying back the beach money, ie forgetting then surely it will give the wife food for thought when i dont cough up, making her think, well she did take us round etc so it doesnt matter. sorry, but how can someone expect it or is it just me? what would you do in this situation, after all i did say pay her back?!

[obNOXious]

Well yeah I would pay her to be honest. I appreciate that you've put fuel in and all that malachi and you're right it's not cheap, but depending on who you were and how you were brought up, the woman might actually think it was rude to offer you petrol money. The beach thing is slightly different as it's cash being tendered for someone's admission, but fuel to get you there if it wasn't very far is a bit of a stretch, and besides the visit isn't over yet is it, she might later on turn round and say ' here let me pay for that because you've ferried us about' etc.
I'd hold your horses and not feel so got at so early on, just pay her, then you've behaved correctly, and see how things pan out.

[ELVIS68]

Nothing worse than a money grabber...

A few years ago on a night out at Xmas a wife of a colleague was asking everyone on our table what they had eaten, at first I thought she was just asking out of politeness but she was actually writing everything down and working out what everyone should pay

Only you can tell if these people are taking you for a ride, everyone is different, there are some people I`d willingly give a lift to and not give a second thought about petrol money and there`s others who I`d sonner run over than let them in my car

[TungIn-Cheek]

I am a single grand-dad bringing up my small grand-daughter. I often OFFER to take other youngsters out with us but do not expect a penny in return.

I really think you should look at yourself first before expecting some re-imbursement. And don`t forget some people are very persuasive in their "offers" of help without regard as to whether the recipient is just going to accept out of politeness!

[bubbles4920]

your are obviously responding to this with tongue in cheek literally surely! my offer of taking them round was gladly accepted and appreciated as they are stuck in the middle of nowhere in particular. i dont mind paying the petrol money, that wasnt the issue, i would never take petrol money under these circumstances but the odd buying of lunch ie a �1.99 burger at macdonalds and a �4 entry onto the beach would have been a nice gesture and something i would certainly have done. im too soft by far im sure and my friends already are saying that ive been more than a good host. i will give the money back on sunday as obnoxious suggested after all thats how ive been brought up to behave correctly, unlike some who just dont even consider giving back, even in small ways. i have 'looked at myself'' and im a great kind hearted person who cant say no sometimes too but often put others first and feel sh8t in private!

[obNOXious]

Well modesty certainly isn't an issue for you is it love?ROFLMAO

[bubbles4920]

ive had a lot of issues with self esteem and im very modest, just trying to point out Obnoxious that im not the money grabbing person that 'tongue in cheek' implies! im not the one who says im a great kind hearted person, my friends do, when we invited friends out to the cinema the other day the one organising it missed 2 people off our mailing list, one who had just split up with her husband and the other who can never make anything cos she is always busy but says she misses us. im too busy looking out for others it seems, wish someone would do it more for me sometimes!

[bubbles4920]

you obviously have no knowledge 'no knowledge'! no one obviously sponges off you then nor are you considerate to others beyond the call of duty!? why do some people have to be so downright ignorant and rude. im not perfect but i was raised to know right from wrong.

[lajohn]

they are your visitors, not your boarders. and you offered to take them where ever. you are responsible to foot the basic expenses. it's up to their conscience to offer to help with expenses. also, you should have given back the beach money as soon as you got home, no excuses. why did you agree to have them over if you cannot afford? putting them up under false pretence is being hippocratic. you sound more cheap than your guests.

[Abdulmajid]

When I was younger (in my service days anyway), it was given as fact that who ever drived got their night free, i.e soft drinks, curry, cinema whatever.

Never a big drinker, I was often the driver so had many cheap night out.

Hope that is relevant.

[terambulan]

You (foolishly) offered to pay, so do so, as that's all she will recall....that you hadn't kept your word. You've got plenty of time to make her dip into her wallet!

[tigwig]

I would give her the money back (begrudgingly) You never know she might say don't worry about it!
I know what you mean though. People who don't pay their way really bug me. I wouldn't be offering to pay for anything again if it were me.

[~Wingnut~]

I would give the money back too, but would probably feel the same way as you do. Like others have said she might say don't worry about it or be planning to buy you a small something as a thank you anyway.

I understand how you feel and never speak up either.
I always remember a few years ago when we had people come and visit. We had hardly any money (nowts changed really) but thought it would be nice to show them the town so went and had a walk a round followed by a coffee and some cake in a little tea shop. When it came to pay they both promptly got up and walked outside leaving us to pay the bill! no mention of splitting the bill or just paying for their share, nothing. I can only assume that they felt we should pay as they had come to visit us. I bloody well cooked tea for them that night as well all paid for by us!

[bubbles4920]

lajohn, they arent staying with us, she has come to visit her husband who works with mine,her hubby lives away to work and lives in the same place as us. a little confusing i know.
i have a friend who is so mean with his money, i hate it. he comtemplates and counts every penny.W\henever we used to go out for a drink years ago, he used to have half a lager when he was paying, when it was my turn it was always a rum and coke! he also has a reputation with his inlaws for being so mean. i just hope his kids dont grow up like it, his wife seems ok, dont know how she copes with it . he came to stay with us and me and him went out into town. as i had bought lunch we then stopped for tea and cakey. i was looking at all these wonderful cakes in this tea shop. pointing to the ones that looked fab and he was too busy asking the price. i hate this trait in people, it just makes you want to do it back though.
i went back to visit him and his wife and kids a while ago. i took them all presents, i was only calling in. he asked if i wanted any tea, his wife and kids had already eaten. he went off to the chinese, i said i was too tired to go with him which i was ,when he got back, i didnt even offer to pay towards it. why should i. just because he is buying tea from somewhere outside the home! he then had the cheek to ask if i wanted a third and he had 2 thirds of it, mmmm, dont think so,ARRRGHHHH!!!! how do some people live with themselves, you are not telling me that it isnt premeditated!

[lajohn]

bubbles, i understand what went through your mind.
i personally would have felt guilty and offered to contributed to the expenses.

[lajohn]

nokno you've always impressed me! x

[bednobs]

so you sponged off the person who bought a chinese? What makes you any different then?
and where the hell do you live that it costs 4 quid to go to the beach?