17 year old girl with 34 year old man

[kitesurfer]

there is a guy I know who is 34 and he is seeing a 17 year old girl. Her mum knows and is cool. But do you think this is right or wrong?

[smudge]

Velvetee - you say that 17 can still be classed as a child & that may be so, but I met my husband at 16, got married at 17 (in 1964) & we've been together ever since! Although, my husband's only 18 months older than me.

As I say, everyone's situation is different.

[Bathsheba]

I think it all depends on the individuals concerened.
I remember when I was 17 I dated a 31yr old guy, and I was amazed at how my parents liked him! I guess it was because he had a proper grown-up car and not a scooter! xxx

[Velvetee]

Still technically a child until she reaches 18. But hey, we're all entitled to our opinions and yes I know what you mean about some teenage girls, who can be quite provocative.

[smudge]

My husband had a scooter Bathsheba, lol. But it wasn't long before we grew into responsible adults!

Children, mortgages & bills have a tendancy to make you do that. Well some of us!!!! ;o}

[smudge]

*tendency even!

[Velvetee]

Well smudge, sounds like you and your husband were at the same stage in life when you married. The discussion was more about the huge age gap, not really whether the relationship would last because the girl is so young. Teenagers marry all the time and it can work if both parties want it to.

I wonder how do people see a relationship where the boy is 17 and the woman he's seeing is twice his age?

[tigerlily11]

I had this situation when my girl of 18 got involved with a 36 year old and to be honest there is nothing you can do about it.
I didn't like it but I had to let her deal with it.
Making something of it often won't help.
Why is it though if a man of 80 odd takes up with a girl of a similar age every one thinks its ok. And if it were the other way round would this question even be asked.

[Robinia]

Having had relationships with younger men - (but not 17 years, I should be so lucky!) I'd see it the same as any other
ie no one else's business.

[terambulan]

He's obviously got more material wealth and experience than most of girl's male peers, she's on a winner? He gains a 'trophy-bird' ...... both winners!

It's worked for lots of 'retired' male pop-stars. Ivana Trump married younger man as has Joan Collins, but women have to be rich and bothered!

[smudge]

BTW, I was far from provocative - my husband will vouch for that! ;o}

(Been trying to post that for last 5 minutes)!

Yes, I know the discussion is about a 'huge' age gap Velvetee, but it's also about a girl of 17, which is the same age I was when I got married - so have some experience of falling in love at that age!

Forget the age gap - as Robinia says, it's no one else's' business.

[LoftyLottie]

I wouldn't have looked at boys in my age group when I was 17 and most of my boyfriends were quite a bit older, much more considerate and interesting too. I didn't have anything in common with 17 year old boys - they seemed totally immature. I married someone my own age, but that was many years later.

Boys are generally far less mature than girls in their teens.

[LoftyLottie]

However, there are no rights and wrongs about ages in relationships.

[tigerlily11]

That why girls go after older men as Lottie points out.
I do think it's no one elses buisness really.
My husband is 9 years older than me.
The thing about my daughters position was the man in question was just weird really. Not because he was 36 but because he gave me the creeps the moment I met him.

[smudge]

Well I'm very glad I met my husband when I did & that he proved to be responsible, hard working & mature at nearly 19.

We've both worked as a team, had children when we were young & we wouldn't change a thing.

Works for some, not for others....

[smudge]

P.S. A friend of mine married at 18, to a man of the same age. They had two children & when they grew up & left home, she then left her husband - not for an older mature man - but for someone 12 years younger than herself.

So, as I say, each to their own.....

[ddaisy992]

maybe the guys immature for his age? Maybe the girls lookin for a father figure? Whats the guy like kitesurfer i mean do you think hes ok or are you saying hes a 'cradlesnatcher' so as too speak?

[kitesurfer]

no but i know he sleeps with prostitutes out here with no condom!!!!!!

[blackcat77]

When I was 17 my first boyfriend was 31, my parents knew him so that was ok and the relationship lasted about 10 months. I have always gone out with men quite a bit older than myself; they always seemed to be much more interesting than boys of my age - and maybe having a car did help! The only problem that I've had to face with my current OH is that he is twenty-two years older than me and has already had a family (two daughters and a son, and four grandchildren) with his ex-wife and really didn't want any more children. I knew this, and accepted it, but do wonder if I've missed out. I'm not saying that a 17 year old should worry about this but when you get into late thirties/early forties it is a point worth considering (I'm 49, he's 71, but looks and acts much younger.) I've never been a maternal type, but there's always a wonder in the back of your mind.

[smudge]

kitesurfer - if you are 'absolutely certain' that this fella is having unprotected sex with prostitutes, then you should 'somehow' make this girl aware of it.

If you're only 'assuming this', then you'd better butt out, otherwise you may cause unwarranted trouble, not only for yourself, but for them as a couple.