Autistic aggression

[4winds]

Does anyone have any strategies/advice/suggestions to help deal with an extremely aggressive, violent, destructive boy who is autistic and causing grief and heart break to the rest of the family.

[sleepyj]

find out about any help groups near u good luck x

[4winds]

Thanks for answering - I didn't know if anyone would.

This is for a friend, and she is already part of a self-help support group, but is still struggling. Respite care offered by social services is minimal ( she has him 22hours a day since the school can only cope with him 2 hrs.). She has 2 other children and an absentee husband .

She is so much needing help, and prayers (if youbelieve in prayer).

[sleepyj]

very stressful for her then ..my son has adhd .it is hard work some times i just want to go away and hide .having a child with problems does cause a lot of stress for the rest of the family .good luck to her anyway .

[4winds]

Thanks for answering.
Sorry about your son too. We have an autistic grand son who has his spells of aggression but my daughter gets a bit more help and we have a strong family support network.
I consider that the MMR vaccine was the trigger in our grandson's case but that theory has been denied by the authorities.
Is your son on medication? obviously, don't answer this if you'd rather not. I respect your decision.
Thanks again and all the best for your family''s future.

[lifigirl]

hi i have an autistic daughter she also has other conditions and is mentally and physically handicapped i had a meeting last week with some behavioral therapy people they agreed to go into school to monitor her and talk about her agression which is off the scale when she starts she is like a wild animal with no coping or reasoning skills i fear sometimes she will have a heart attack from strength of these outbursts anyway they said they will try to teach her coping skills what to do when she gets ike this that sort of thing i told them she is a meek and mild girl at school you won't see that side of her but they said that didn't matter at first they wanted us to teach her the coping skills but she would not let us teach her she sees us as parents not her teachers she cannot grasp that we are more things than just her parents anyway hope that helped abit i got this help by telling our paediatriation about the problems we were having and he referred us straight away took about 4 months to get the appointment but hopefully we might get somewhere fingers crossed.

[4winds]

Hello lifigirl
U will know exactly what my friend (and my daughter ) has to cope with.
I have suggested that she contact everyone from local councillors to M.P., G.P., social work etc. .....the lot!!
Sometimes u have to make a nuisance of yourself before the authorities pay any attention -- sad but true.
Hope your daughter benefits from the coping strategies, it must be even more frustrating and upsetting for them as they probably don't understand their own behaviour either.
Sorry, g on here and maybe keeping other people from communicating.
All the best.

[sleepyj]

yes 4 winds he does have medication . he would have been kicked out of school if he never had his tablet

[cazzz1975]

can you work out what is causing the aggression? it could be that he is oversensitive to noise or touch and cannot cope, what type of school does he go to, are they addressing his educational needs? sometimes aggressive behaviour in autistics is caused by their needs being ignored, it could be something that no one has picked up on.

how is he doing at school?

[Ice.Maiden]

I have an autistic son and fully appreciate how tiring and worrying this is for not only the parent/s but the child as well. Before ours was diagnosed, he hid under desks at school, refused to communicate & tugged at others' clothing because he couldn't verbally express himself. This contact was seen as aggressive behaviour, but in his distress, he didn't know what else to do. I refused to put him on the Ritalin that was offered, because after researching it, I discovered that long-term use can cause permanent personality changes, & I wasn't prepared to do that to my son just to get some peace myself. However, for some children it helps. Autistic children can be afraid of lights, sounds and even various shapes. Make sure that your son has an SEN teacher, & accept any professional help which you think your son may need. We also have to put up with our son eating poor diet & he has suffers from leg pains after exercise, because the lactic acid isn't absorbed back into his muscles. Having said this, he's 9 now & doing very well in mainstream school. It wasn't without a lot of work & many hours of devising educational methods of play, but our efforts've paid off. Good luck .

[cazzz1975]

just to add to my post, is he verbal autistic? what are his communications skills like and does he use any method to communicate?

[4winds]

Thanks Cazzz and Ice Maiden.
this boy is in mainstream with support (2hours a day), he is verbal, has an older brother who is on the spectrum but presents a more obsessive/compulsive range of behaviours, rather than aggressive/destructive. There is also a younger girl who is NOT on the spectrum, but who is insecure and very clingy to Mum, also gets very distressed at the boys' behaviours.
I really appreciate all your interest and suggestions and will pass them on to his mum. I just felt I had to go out there to the wider world and see if anyone had a magic potion because I had the poor girl on the phone in a dreadful state this morning; I am one of her OLDER listening ears since her own parents cannot accept the boys' difficulties and merely say that it's lack of discipline!!
Thanks again, everyone - one day there may be ananswer to what causes autism and these other conditions , who knows??

[cazzz1975]

how is he finding school, his anger may stem from his dislike of situations he cannot change? maybe he cannot articulate his feelings well, a lot of autistic children revert to self destructive behaviours or disruptive behaviour in order to gain attention to their unhappiness.

2 hours a day does not seem that much, what kind of support is he getting? would you say its sufficient to his needs?, is his homelife happy?

what kind of help is there for him to learn to mix with the other children at school? he may have huge difficulties which would cause him behaviour brought on by stress

I can understand the parents not wanting to know thing, I have to live with that as well

[rosandjohn]

Hi contact the national autistic society who have advice lines to support your friend. If she doesnt shout for help no-one will come! good luck x

[Ice.Maiden]

Unfortunately, some folk can't accept that there's a genuine medical reason behind autistic and aggressive symptoms, because they don't want to think that the child is "different" from the rest, but without expert diagnosis and help, the poor boy's going to continue in his own upside down world. Many's the time i've fallen asleep over our son's bed, too tired to carry on reading or talking at some unearthly hour, but with perseverence, it DOES help. Your friend's boy needs to be stimulated & have a lot of time & attention given to him. It's the only way he's ever going to move forward, and yes, it's hard work, but every child deserves that chance. Show these answers to your friend, and I hope it helps her. She must also be aware that she's not alone, because it can seem very bleak at first. Also, it's imperative that the boy's educational needs are met. In some cases, it's better to have them attend a school where these can be specifically catered for. How old's this child?

[4winds]

Good morning all
I really appreciate all the suggestions, advice and thought-provoking remarks and experiences I have read here - I will certainly pass them on to my young friend.
I feel I would like to close this correspondence now and I would like to thank you all once more for your kindness in replying.
Every blessing to you and yours.

[gromitdoo]

Look at the following website: http://www.thecbf.org.uk/ and if you contact them and speak to one of their family support workers they might be able to advise you of strategies to cope with the challenging behaviour. They are very, very good and they also run courses for parents which are free so that parents learn how to deal with children with challenging behaviour.
On another note 2 hours of support in a mainstream school is dismal. I have a little boy with autism and he has got the whole support but I had to go to the education tribunal (SENDIST) for it. I was thinking of actually contacting London Tonight and inviting them home to see what I have to cope with when our council refused to give my little boy a statement. But you have to doggedly fight with it and it is very very stressful and take it toll on you.

[4winds]

Thank you gromitdoo,(love the name!), I will certainly pass on this website and all the other help suggested.
The mum needs all the help she can get and even knowing that so many strangers wish them well will be a boost to her morale. She has2 children on the spectrum, a third younger child, a husband who walked out, and other family members who don't want to know.
Thanks again to all.

[cazzz1975]

I hope you do 4winds, she can always get advice from lots of people here, I have 2 children who are autistic but severely and their needs are too complex for mainstream school, I know it can be difficult but at least she is not alone xx

[gromitdoo]

You are very welcome, 4winds. I have got another few websites but it might seem very overwhelming now but you and the lady can look at them at leisure.

I found them helpful when last year I was fighting for a statement of Special Educational Needs for my lil' boy.
They are :
http://www.resourcesforautism.org.uk/links.htm

http://www.resourcesforautism.org.uk/REACHOUT_ FLYER2007.pdf

http://www.ipsea.org.uk/

[gromitdoo]

Sorry, 4winds for continuing on this thread. But please can everybody who has a loved one on the autistic spectrum go to the following link of the National Autistic Society and fill it in. It will take only a few minutes but might make positive changes to our children's lives in the future.

http://www.campaigns.autism.org.uk/ea-campaign /clientcampaign.do?ea.client.id=10&ea.campaign .id=2285

A Big God Bless to all of you!