Keep Cardboard Happy Campaign

[natalie_1982]

What's everyone's favourit joke?

[keltik]

why does michael jackson like 25 year old boys? a. because theres 20 of em!

[Merlin]

whats brown and comes out the back of cows steaming?

The Isle of Wight ferry.

(Did I spell Cowes wrong - is the ferry still brown? - Who cares?)

[Merlin]

David Beckham went to the barbers. As he sat in the big seat, the barber said �Can I take your walkman, sir?� �No no�, says DB �I gotta keep it on an� listen�. So the barber has to work around the headset and wires and do the best he can (might explain some of his styles!!).
This happens every time � �Can I take your�..?� �No no no � I just gotta keep listening!�. One day, DB is having his hair cut and he falls asleep in the chair. The barber carefully takes away the headset so he can do a decent job for a change. Suddenly DB slumps down in the chair dead. They all check his pulse and his breathing but there�s nothing � he�s gone.
The barber panics and wants to make everything look right � he props DB up in the chair, straightens his clothes and reaches for the walkman. Just before he puts it back on DB�s head, curiosity gets the better of him � he just has to hear what is so good. He puts the phones to his ear and can hear Posh�s voice saying �Breathe in, breathe out, DAVID, breathe in, breathe out, DAVID breathe in��.�.

[splodge24]

Funny funny funny!

Had me in fits for ages reading all these jokes!

Although I haven't got any to post because i never remember a joke, just the punchline. 

[New Forester]

Whilst Posh is putting the latest sprog to bed, David Beckham is telling a visitor about the restaurant they'd been to recently.  The visitor asks what it was called.

 

"Um, wait a minnit.  Jus need to think...  No, I can't remember it.  Um, sorry, you'll have to help me.  What's that name, it's somethin to do with a railway station..."

 

The visitor suggests;: "Kings Cross?"  "Nah, not that one, no, it's another one."  "Euston?"  "Nah".  "What about Waterloo?"  "Nah."  "OK, how about Victoria?"

 

"Yes, yes, that's it!" shouts Becks excitedly.  So he calls up the stairs: "Victoria!  What was the name of that restaurant we went to?"

[Merlin]

Two Irishmen were walking past the lumberjack recruiting agency and saw a sign in the window "TREE FELLERS WANTED". "Ahhh - ain't it a shame," says Mick, "there's only the two of us!".

[ICEMANSAV]

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband�s lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some spark to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a novelty shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.

�Want some of this?� she purred.

�Are you kidding?�, he replied. �Look what it did to your knickers!�

[ICEMANSAV]

Mr. Brown visits his doctor for his annual checkup. �I need stool, urine, and sperm samples,� says the doctor.

The old man thinks for a moment and then says, �Will my underwear do?�

[fly258]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells  at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a **** ***?' ...and she's always sound asleep!"

[fly258]

A businessman on his way home from the centre of London came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Sh*t ,this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me Officer, what's the hold up?" The Officer replies, "Tony Blair has become so depressed about his lack of popularity, he's stopped his car in the middle of the A40 and he's threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says everyone hates him, he doesn't have the support of his party any more and the country doesn't like him. I'm walking round taking up a collection for him." "Oh really?" says the businessman "How much have you collected so far?" "So far only about fifty gallons but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning".

[purplerockie]

Q. What did the inflatable head master of the inflatable school say to the naughty inflatable schoolboy?

A.  Not only have you let me down, you've let the whole school down. But most of all you've let yourself down 

[Merlin]

LOL - IMHO that last one was probably the best so far.

A man goes into a bakers and says "How much for the gattox?"

The lady replies "It's �5 - and it's 'GATEAUX', actually".

"�5 for a gattox?" says the man, "Bolleaux!"

[crafty]

did you hear that Arafat was laid to rest in a number 8 Newcastle United Football top?

He wanted to be buried in the Gazza strip.

[Merlin]

Crafty

You've gone too far. That's just not funny at all.