I'm convinced that my friend is gay

[heshe]

I'm convinced that my friend is gay, but he says he isn't. Are there any test i can do to see if he is? i know some people are camp and not gay, but he is more than that, he's never had a gay expirience (as far as i'm aware) but his personality just screams gay! He likes pretty much all the gay icons (music wise) he knows the words to nearly ever musical and he dances and sings when we're walking along (which can be very embarrassing). there is more but i don't like to ramble. help would be great, cheers.

[heshe]

He's 17 by the way, if that helps.

[bernardo]

Why do you feel the need to know?  Just ask him.  If he doesn't want to tell you, that's up to him.

[Pinotage]

Crikey I'm staggered. And you call yourself a friend? What does it matter, who cares.

 

You're embarrased to be with him -  how would knowing his sexual inclination make any difference?

 

Either be a friend or go your own way, but what right is it of yours to test him on his inclinations? Sounds like you've already asked him and he says he isn't - leave it at that.

 

As I said before - I'm staggered.

 

[Miss Zippy]

Why don't you get out more and get a life of your own then perhaps you won't have the time or inclination to worry about whether or not your friends are gay?

[heshe]

I don't think you understand, i'm not embarrased to be with him, just it is quite embarrassing when we are walking through the middle of town and he's singing and dancing. i'm not doing it for me either, i just think that it would be better for him if he came out. he's is one of my best friends (if not my actual best friend) and i just want him to be comfortable with himself and not say he's straight when he obviously isn't.

[Miss Zippy]

He sounds as if he is more than comfortable with himself; he sounds a confident and happy person.  I think your reasons for wanting him to 'come out' are purely selfish. If you make an issue of this you could risk causing a lot of damage. His sexuality isn't anybody else's business and if he wants to confide in you about his sexuality, or anything else, he will in his own good time.   

[woofgang]

hear hear

[apricot2]

I'm glad you're not my friend.  Friends are people who totally accept what others are and love them anyway.  Leave the poor bloke alone and respect his feelings.  I agree with Miss Zippy.

[Quizmonster]

I'm in total agreement with earlier answers. In fact, when I read your question, my immediate thought was that your friend is a "gay" friend indeed! I was using the original meaning of the word 'gay'...ie merry, full of music and laughter and so on. Be grateful!

On this topic, the USA military have a rule: "Don't ask; don't tell." Obey it, is my advice.

[andy hughes]

I must add my voice to that of the previous speakers. None of your friend's actions and behaviour suggest that he is gay - only if you want to fit him into a dreadful stereotypical 'raving queen' p0ersonna, which he patently isn't. If your friend says he isn't gay, his word should be good enough for you, Pursuing this may suggest to him that your friendship is based on his outward appearence, not his inner self. he might deicde you are not the kind of friend he needs. He might be right.

[saffstar]

What sort of 'test' were you thinking of?  You could ask him to name as many Barbra Streisand movies as he can, or throw a fake mouse in front of him and see if he squeals & jumps on a chair... seriously though, it doesn't matter and it's nothing to do with you.  He might not even know either way himself.  If you care about him as much as you say you do, just let the matter drop and be a mate.

[Peter Pedant]

 

Hey the FAKE mouse test! I'll try that on a few frenz of mine.

So what if he is Gay. If he is your friend, he should be your friend whatever.

[ukdirtybird]

I think you should drop a piece of paper on the floor and say ' oi you've dropped your gay card' if your mate bends to pick it up then hey presto hes gay, if not then you will have to pick it up yourself, and then hey presto it will be you who is gay. :o)

[Hgrove]

What about the gaydar?  But seriously, I agree with the other respondents, it is best not to pursue this.

[Bob Carter]

spot the wind up.

[Greedyfly]

This has been asked before and NO there isnt a test it isnt like being drunk or an illness - just ask him and see what he says. He may be gay but is to scared to come out because of peoples reaction. Just support him if he is gay and if he isnt. I have plenty of camp straight friends.

[Dark Angel]

I don't think he's gay -  just because he knows words to musicals. Loving music, dancing and singing is not a sign of homosexuality.

 Your friend may get really offended if he knows that you seriously think that he is gay.

[natalie_1982]

If the_barron is for real, then maybe we could go a bit easy on him!  If his friend is or isn't gay, he's not persecuting him for it - just asking whether he is or not!  You're all right it's none of his business but if it was my best friend, I'd be interested too!  He's not being a bad friend just by wanting to know if his mate is gay or not!

 

And I understand what he means when he finds it embarassing - not because his friend is camp but having attention drawn to you that you don't necessarily want.  My brother has a habit of shouting across the shop "How did your results come back from the GUM clinic?" and things equally pleasant, like skipping and singing songs from when we were little at the top of his lungs.  Doesn't mean I think he's gay or I'm ashamed of him,but I am embarrassed for having attention brought to me.

 

The barron if your question is legit, then I'd agree with everyone else that there are no tests and that you should just be a friend to him, and if it turns out that he is gay then he'll feel he'll be able to talk to you.  If he's not then he'll feel he'll be able to talk to you.  It's a win-win situation, as long as you stop harrassing him and start acting like his friend.

 

I mean how would you like it if (assuming you're straight) people kept asking you if you were gay all the time (not that I think there is anything wrong with being gay before I am the one being persecuted!)?

[Octavius]

Why don't you wire him up with a colander on his head and some cables connected to a generator and then "test" him.

 

If he wanted you to know and you were his best friend, he would have told you by now.

 

 

[TTFresh]

bet you lot can see for miles up there on your high horses!!!

Of course it'll make a difference to their friendship if he's gay and you're lying to yourselves if you think otherwise.  A young lad, possibly confused about which side he butters his bread and a friend that doesn't know how to handle the situation - he's asked and frankly good on him for trying to find out. 

As for a gay test?  the_barron - you really need either grow up or find a less ignorant way of asking the question.

If your mate is gay, he'll tell you in time but if he keeps it from you then you have to decide how important to him you really are.

You lot on here tell him it's none of his business and it's way out of line wanting to know, intruding on his personal space - making a real drama out of this.  If it is as normal and as acceptable as you lot make out it is then why do you make such a fuss.  If it were a gay asking the same of a straight friend then I would imagine your responses would be completely different - they'd be supportive.

All you have done is highlight to this young man/woman that the stigma of Gay is alive and kicking though it now takes on the guise of overly PC middle-england lefties that fight corners they don't stand in and neglect their own. 

wind yer necks in