do you hold grudges

[pinkfluffo]

Does anyone hold grudges or do you forget things people have done/said. Do you just let them off or do you stew. I find it very hard to forget things and i think of incidents and things that have angered me that i havent ever brought up or talked about or resolved so i let them fester.....

[pinkfluffo]

me and my brother were not sent to our local school when we were younger and were sent to one several miles away (because my parents thought it was better) We had a serious car crash on the way one morning. I was only 12. I was never given any counselling for this and soon after i developed chronic anxiety to the point where i couldnt eat. Since then i have suffered with anxiety ever since and am quite paranoid and unconfident.Holidays and xmas are panic attacks for me, they have always been ruined and I feel that had i had help at the time then maybe i wouldnt of suffered the way i have all these years.
I feel i wish we had just been sent to a local school but most of all i blame my parents for not helping me after the crash. My mum says it was because she was in a wheelchair after (and clearly was suffering) so i guess she never thought of it?
I dont know how to overcome this and i feel annoyed alot with her that maybe i could of been helped at the time but wasnt. She doesnt know i feel this way and we just carry on normally :(

[gucciman]

i get really worked up and angry and will hold a grudge for years, i fell out with a workmate once and didn't speak a word to him for the next 5 years !

[IggyB]

I'm still annoyed with things that were said to me by people at school over 20 years ago... i hold terrible grudges and am generally unforgiving of people who "cross me" (sounds very dramatic doesn't it!) - i recognise it is one of my worse failings but I don't see myself changing (and its a good job I prefer my own company I suppose!!)

[mccfluff]

generally in daily life no, but on a few occasions people have really upset me and they get wiped from my life.

[Sachs]

No I dont hold grudges. I do like an apology if someone has wronged me. If though I've been through something really painful I cut ties and move on x

[carlton23]

Having read all replies, I wonder why many of you make such nasty comments to each other. Is it because they can`t confront you personally and give you a good slap, or because of your normal personality in every day life with life itself. The only person I hold a grudge against is my father for leaving us in the 1930`s, may he rest in hell.

[1955]

pinkfluff - why don't you go for counselling or Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to try to resolve this issue from your past - it might help with your anxiety

[saxy_jag]

I'm like Iggy - I've held some grudges for years and will continue to do so until justice is meted out. My school bullies, my teachers, my mum, the woman in the street who had a go at me ... the list is endless. It's not something I'm ashamed of, either - it's what keeps me going.

[lankeela]

I sure do, and boy is it satisfying when after many months or years and the person has forgotten all about it you hit them with a real humdinger that they don't see coming. I just wait and watch and one day...........

[Connemmara]

Daffy my friend is in exactly your position. Very sad and it does annoy her no matter what she says. I dont have great relations with my own siblings but we do speak and if we need anything we can call on each other and that is good enough for me.

[Dris]

o pinkfluffo -this way deeper than holding a grudge hun.I know as I live with guilt every waking hour that if things could have been different my kids would stiil have their dad and it doesnt matter how often they tell me it was going to happen anyway I still until I die will live everyday in purgotary.

To answer your Q -I do bear a grudge as the grudges I bear are entirely founded and I will not back down as i'm stubborn as well. I then ultimately just dismiss them from my life as i dont have time for people like that as i dont have time for liars as I am honest and loyal to within an inch of my life.

D -practice what you preached in your first reply -denial isnt just a river in Egypt.

[China Doll]

No. Too much like negative energy and I don't find that very useful. If I don't like you because of something I perceive you to have done then I just don't bother much with you. If it's someone I have to work/associate with for other reasons then I'm civil, go about my business and am quite happy to see the back of you once you're gone. In most (although obviously not all) circumstances, people can only wind you up or upset you if you let them and that's giving someone power over you.

If your mum doesn't know you feel the way you do then she can't help and equally, you can go to the GP and seek counselling yourself. Not being unsympathetic but as I say, focus your energy in to doing something more positive and you'll probably feel better for it.

[sara3]

pink, you obviously have issues that need addressing, but I am (as an outsider) surprised that you're still holding your mother responsible for this. surely they sent you to that school for your own good. the car crash (I assume) was an accident. sadly, these things can happen on any road at any time.

get some counselling, but I think you need to let go of this "grudge" against your mother.

[pinkfluffo]

it was more of the fact that my mother didnt think to give me and my brother counselling at the time. I feel that she should of done as we were only children when this happened and it was a very serious crash. Like i said i developed chronic and anxiety and couldnt eat because i would constantly feel physically sick. Not once did either of my parents think something might be wrong. Instead im assuming they thought i had an eating disorder and would make me eat. This didnt help and i never explained how i felt at the time as i didnt know myself why i felt like this.
You are right that i shouldnt blame them for the school they sent me to. I know deep down it was for the right reasons.

[sara3]

hmmm... maybe you're making a connection now that was never there at the time. you seem to think your mum (who just found herself in a wheelchair) should have picked up on something that even you weren't aware of. I think you're being a bit hard on her.

if you still have issues now, see a counsellor before you off-load this on your parents. best of luck.

[pinkfluffo]

yeh she was in a wheelchair but i always thought your children come first and she still had a mind and could of even at least thought that maybe we could of been affected.
Anyway i have thought about counselling but i feel its a bit late now after so many years. People say things get better with time but for me my fear of driving/travelling has definetly got worse and i dont feel any counsellor could make me feel better or happier about being in a car and not worrying about having another crash.
Maybe i am being to harsh on my mum especially now i have heard it from someone else. Sometimes i dont realise things until someone says it which i guess is silly.
Thanks.

[Answerprancer]

I very rarely hold grudges, I can get very irked with people at times, but life's too short, people are less than perfect -especially me, so I don't believe I have the right to hold a grudge against anyone, not for any great length of time anyway.
Sometimes I bump into someone I know I had beef with some time ago, but when it gets to the point where I cant even remember what it was - I think, what's the point in trying to remember. I expect to be treated the same and it puzzles me when It often doesn't work that way.

[sara3]

I think you should see a counsellor anyway. sometimes voicing things aloud make you think again about some things. your whole attitude/lifestyle may change. your GP's surgery may even offer a short course of free counselling.