I Feel Terrible....

[mancmo]

I have been talking to someone who I met on an online dating site...(I haven't actually met him)...we have been exchanging emails and texts..

tonight he told me to watch the Undateables programme as there was a lad on there with tourettes....and then he informed me he had it....

I was taken aback..he never mentioned this before...we have been in contact within each other for about 8 weeks now...we get on well, he has dropped hints the past few weeks about where he would take me on our first date...!

but this has just really put me off...I know, I sound so shallow..I will hold my hands up to that..and feel so guilty, but i really dont think I could date someone with tourettes...

I know I will get replies back saying I am being a b***h, but could you date someone with it?

Your answers would be appreciated! xx

[ummmm]

Tourettes appears in different ways. It doesn't mean he'll be swearing at people in the street. It could be just a mild tick.

[excelsior-1]

I would not call you.. ... That name

Your concern is a knee-jerk reaction to the bombshell he has dropped
The question is why did he not tell you of his condition at the beginning?

[ummmm]

Because its only been 'about' 8 weeks.

[mancmo]

We have spoken a lot about personal things..family...etc...and fell like i could tell him anything...maybe thats because we are not talking face to face...it seems easier though a text or email.

I haven't replied to his text tonight...and I dont know what to say to him...but I do agree with you excelsior...he should have told me sooner..

[Barmaid]

I think I'd take a flyer and see what he was like on the first date.

But this isn't me this is you. If you aren't comfortable, enough said. Move on.

Not QUITE the same thing but my OH told me he had a son with learning disabilities, didn't put me off. Me and his son are now very close.

[Canary42]

Why didn't he tell you sooner ?

Because he was afraid of exactly the reaction you have exhibited. So at least he got a few weeks satisfaction, poor guy.

[pastafreak]

He's most likely gotten to expect people to react negatively to his condition-so may be reluctant to tell all immediately. He may find it easier to wait until he feels he can trust the other person. Would you tell someone straightaway? I bet not.

[ummmm]

Why would you tell people something about yourself that might put them off in such a short period of time? It's only 8 weeks...

[pastafreak]

snap,canary...you were not there when I started typing.

[Maydup]

No doubt he did his best to get to know you well before mentioning this because he is used to this response. Maybe he should have left it even longer.

As it is you don't know him well enough to have strong feelings so best to cut loose if you don't think it'll work for you and move on.

[Barmaid]

WHY wouldn't you date someone with Tourettes? What is it that puts you off?

[pastafreak]

At least answer his text...don't leave the poor man hanging.

[mancmo]

But ummm, its been 2 months..and like I've said..we have discussed a lot of personal things...but I would feel exactly the same way even if he had told me another 2 months down the line.

And canary...I agree with you..but really can't help the way I feel.
Im just stuck and worried on what to reply to him

[Mamyalynne]

If you do not feel you can cope - then answer honestly and let him move on to hopefully someone who may give him a chance.

[ummmm]

2 months is nothing. NYE only feels like a few weeks back.

Just don't try and blame him for not telling you, accept that its you that's the problem, which is absolutely fine, but don't shift the blame.

[mancmo]

I'm not shifting the blame...and I will text him back...i agree, it is me with the problem...its just come as a shock and I dont know how to deal with it as i have never met anyone with this condition.

[Canary42]

I wasn't trying to be judgmental mancmo, I don't know if I could continue under such circumstances (I didn't see the programme and am fairly ignorant re Tourettes so it is difficult to be sure how I would react).

As regards how you should respond, I guess he's part-expecting rejection as it's probably often happened before, so the best approach would be an apologetic explanation of your feelings which as you quite rightly say you can't help. And wish him better luck for the future.

[lilacben]

Ok well if I was you I would answer back and ask him questions about his condition. Ask him how the programme was for him and see how bad his tourettes is. You will not know if you can deal with it without finding out all about it first. Tell him you have never come across it before and you have concerns with it.. Give him a chance to talk about it but dont make him any promises. xx

[gness]

Mancomo. You ask if we could date someone with Tourettes. For me that wouldn't be a problem at all if there was an attraction there. I can however envisage a situation where I could become close to someone I hadn't met, as you have, and then discover something about them that I couldn't cope with. If this is what has truly happened to you you must talk to him and explain how you feel. He will have experience in dealing with different reactions to his condition I'm sure and will prefer honesty.
Although, if you really like him..go for it. You never know........x

[ummmm]

Good advice from lilacben.