I Have Given Everything

[silka]

I teach a small class of Seniors every Monday morning, for two hours. I only charge £1, any photo copies I charge 10p a copy. I normally put on a little continental spread at Xmas free of charge. I am a very giving, kind person.
I have been doing this for 3 years now, and have really enjoyed it. Now I feel I am being taken avantage of, and realise everyone is not as kind as I am.
Some of us have gone to night school and know what the charges are there.
I am not looking to make a profit, but a show of their gratitude would be nice.
I put a lot of my time and effort into it and they never offer any help with the coffee or anything else, they expect me to do everything. I think I may close as it is starting to get me down, what do you think ?

[janbee]

Walk away from it all. A kind word wouldn't go amiss would it? A "thank you" costs nothing.. and yes, I think they are taking you for granted. Go somewhere else where they appreciate you. xx

[silka]

Janbee thank you x

[tonyav]

It does sound like your being taken for granted, silka. Maybe it is time to move on.

[Prudie]

What do you teach them?

[silka]

A language

[Prudie]

Well if it's getting you down then yes give up - presumably if they now offered help (is that money towards coffee or making it) you'd still not want to carry on?

[silka]

I would like to carry on yes. I am with the U3A, but I have decided not to renew my membership in January.

[kvalidir]

I think if you are no longer enjoying it then you should stop. It's not nice to be taken advantage of, however I will say that since you have done this for three years you have slightly allowed a precedent to occur in you doing everything. If you really did enjoy it but just feel a little over burdened then it might be worth calling a meeting and saying that unless some of them take up a little of the slack you will have to close. If you don't think that's feasible then just close it and enjoy your life :)

[Prudie]

^ was about to say the same

[silka]

I agree kvalidir, I have been too giving for too long. My friend did a similar thing as well for about a year and her students, were so kind to her and she was not as giving as me.

[Sycamore3House]

If you wish to carry on but you also would like help why not create a scenario whereby when it comes to making the coffee you announce that you need to make an important phone call & therefore could you all look after yourselves please. Same for your spread at Christmas you have too much to do & if each person wishes to 'bring a plate' (common in my part of the uk) it would be helpful.

[Robinia]

I agree with kval, maybe you've come across as being a bit too capable and if you don't ask (some) people for help it isn't offered, even though it should be. Be honest, say you're finding things a bit difficult and see what happens....hopefully you'll be surprised.

[Scarlett]

I find the more I do, the more I am taken for granted. Best to maybe express yourself first rather than just leave as you may miss it more than you think!

[-Talbot-]

I can't see the problem, Just don't make any coffee.

[boxtops]

We find that if you always provide catering, it's taken for granted, and people "will assume" that a great They somewhere else is paying for it. They probably have no idea that you are doing it charitably.

I think the idea of asking everyone to bring a small plate of food this year is a good one - you can say that you'd like to get some variety by people bringing their own. If they demur, be honest with them, and tell them that you can't afford this year to do it again for nothing - they'll understand.

I have to say that your £1 is really underselling yourself, that's 50p an hour.... do you think people wouldn't come if you asked £2 (if only to cover your heating, insurance, coffee, etc)?

[Retrochic]

Why did you start the classes in the first place? Why did you only charge £1 per session? Why do you not ask for a small contribution towards catering? Answer these questions to yourself then decide what you want to do. Do you want to put the session price up? Do you want to charge them a small fee for the coffee? Is help more important than monetary concerns?These things you can change, but you can't change the fact you think they are ungrateful. If you just stop the classes without explanation you will look bad. At the next class mention your concerns about the fees and ask if you can start a rota for the coffee -maybe you will be surprised and they will embrace the new agenda and even start bringing cakes in and things. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and either address the problems you seem to have head ,on or walk away but tell them why.

[silka]

The U3A suggests only approx 30p a person to attend home classes.
If it is a hall they will pay £1 for the hall hire and pay for their teas on top. Because it is easier for me to do a small number at home, about 4-5 only, that is the way of things. By the way I am not feeling sorry for myself.

[silliemillie]

Do they know you are not being paid? Some people expect everything under the misapprehension that "they are being well paid for it" or "it's what they are being paid to do".

I used to volunteer at an animal sanctuary and often got comments like "money for old rope playing with animals all day", they never believed I did it for nothing.

Quite often they can't understand that others do things out of the goodness of their heart not for what they can get out of it.

Sound like you have an ungrateful bunch there, such a shame as you are obviously a giving person.

[silka]

They know I do it as a volunteer, silliemillie. Two in particular are particularly tight, a least the others have brought the odd sweet back from abroad when they have been away for the class to share. Last Xmas one of the tight ones took a doggy bag and said the next week that it did her all the next day, she didnt have make a meal.The other one was a banker.

[woofgang]

Harsh answer?
I sense a touch of "victim syndrome" here
"I am a very giving, kind person."
"I feel I am being taken avantage of, and realise everyone is not as kind as I am."
"a show of their gratitude would be nice."

I am betting that this has happened to you many times before?