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Why is it so hard to make friends here in England?
41 Answers
Ok this one goes more as me opening my heart, than exactly a question, because I know human beings are complex and probably you won't be able to give me an answer for this one...
Thing is, I am 31 years old, from Brasil, living in England, and I'm really talkative, cheerful and funny but I find so difficult to make friends here. People either drink too much (and I don't find any fun in going to pubs to getting ****** and all those people SHOUTING around) or they just don't seem to care, even the ones who say they want to make friends, when I write to them, seems they only want a virtual friend to have a nice chat from time to time. I want REAL friends, to share moments, to laugh and cry, to go to their houses and invite them to mine, watch some dvd's, talk and have fun...
Will I always be looked at like this exotic foreigner? Sometimes the guys also try to make friends with me, but then they just start to flirt the most vulgar ways, and I feel really angry, because I HATE stereotypes, like just because I'm from brasil, doesn't mean I dance samba and behave like a hot desperate one...
Is it a general thing in our society, to be so closed to each one's lives and not take some time for the friends? I can get really lonely here sometimes.
Thing is, I am 31 years old, from Brasil, living in England, and I'm really talkative, cheerful and funny but I find so difficult to make friends here. People either drink too much (and I don't find any fun in going to pubs to getting ****** and all those people SHOUTING around) or they just don't seem to care, even the ones who say they want to make friends, when I write to them, seems they only want a virtual friend to have a nice chat from time to time. I want REAL friends, to share moments, to laugh and cry, to go to their houses and invite them to mine, watch some dvd's, talk and have fun...
Will I always be looked at like this exotic foreigner? Sometimes the guys also try to make friends with me, but then they just start to flirt the most vulgar ways, and I feel really angry, because I HATE stereotypes, like just because I'm from brasil, doesn't mean I dance samba and behave like a hot desperate one...
Is it a general thing in our society, to be so closed to each one's lives and not take some time for the friends? I can get really lonely here sometimes.
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laurencelolo, you really described exactly what I think!!!
and also gave a good idea. I shall invite YOU to the Brazilian night!
I know how to cook some nice things so I could do a dinner for some friends, put some latin music, spice these people up a little... although like I said before, the few friends I DO have are from other regions, so let's see if I can convince them to come all the way here!
(i'd like to find a way of giving you my email so you could tell me more about your experiences here maybe? 24 years is a lot!!!)
and also gave a good idea. I shall invite YOU to the Brazilian night!
I know how to cook some nice things so I could do a dinner for some friends, put some latin music, spice these people up a little... although like I said before, the few friends I DO have are from other regions, so let's see if I can convince them to come all the way here!
(i'd like to find a way of giving you my email so you could tell me more about your experiences here maybe? 24 years is a lot!!!)
It is sunday nite and I have just found your question...so I may be a bit late with some comments. It sounds as if you are already doing all the things reccomended...you do volunteer work and you are a sociable,outgoing person. so the problem is not with you. I am an american who has lived here over 18 years and I have found it incredibly difficult to make friends with english people ....they seem -to me-to be more closed....is it reserve--whatever that is? I am not the most outgoing person---but even a little thing like introducing myself-would not be reciprocated. I have met many people who i quite liked but with most i could get no further than calling them an aquaintance. my 'soulmates' on the other hand have been non-english...a norwegien and a kiwi. I wonder if there is anyone out there with a similar experiance in another country...can't bond with the natives so other 'outsiders' are the answer? I suppose that settling in a new country leaves us yearning for that sense of community we may have had back 'home'
It's never late to read sensible and nice words like yours, pastafreak!!! Also helps me to feel less "different" as I can see other people have the same problem.
Which part of England do you live? because I don't seem to meet many foreigners here in the Midlands, it's such an industrial place and so dull that I think any foreigner who arrives in here decides to move to other counties as soon as they can hehehe....
Thanks so much for the message and keep in touch!
Which part of England do you live? because I don't seem to meet many foreigners here in the Midlands, it's such an industrial place and so dull that I think any foreigner who arrives in here decides to move to other counties as soon as they can hehehe....
Thanks so much for the message and keep in touch!
Hi RL! well I live in the southwest....Plymouth,which is only just starting to become a bit cosmopolitan. I have been down here for 7 years and the city is starting to change due to an influx of hardworking eastern europeans and young-upwardly mobile types. the "natives" can be a bit slow to accept change tho-hah! is all a bit of a change for someone who has lived within easy commuting distance of both NYC and London. but i suppose you can find some good wherever you go, the more variety there is the better. i am single after 25 years marriage but not interested in the @clubs' so prevalent down here...i want to talk not shout!
Hi pastafreak!!!
I didn't see you posted here until today, what a mess! I have a friend in hospital so I've been out most of these days visiting her. It must be so strange to be single after such a long relationship but I'm sure you will be happy, alone or with somebody, because you are a good person... keep in touch!
I didn't see you posted here until today, what a mess! I have a friend in hospital so I've been out most of these days visiting her. It must be so strange to be single after such a long relationship but I'm sure you will be happy, alone or with somebody, because you are a good person... keep in touch!
-HI!! RL---like i said...you keep popping up everywhere(see my question in beauty). Sorry about your friend-you must be a loyal one to be visiting her every day. when i re-read your question here I noticed you do volunteer work with Cats Protection....any moggies of your own???(or should I say do any moggies own you?) keep in touch!
Hahaha yes pastafreak we keep meeting around, which is good because indirectly I get to know you more! I will have a look in the beauty one.
I do have cats, one is a 3 year old moggie, and the other is almost 3 years old too but she's a British Shorthair. I do love dogs, too, but right now, no space for them... how about you?
:o)
I do have cats, one is a 3 year old moggie, and the other is almost 3 years old too but she's a British Shorthair. I do love dogs, too, but right now, no space for them... how about you?
:o)
Hi reina luna and pastafreak !
It is a pleasure to see our little sun shine feeling much more cheerful see told you!
thanks pastafreak for your delightful words to reina that done the trick!
I would love a brezilien night, lambada practice is much needed i am afraid i am gone rusty and i ve got to find a way to hide those varicoses veins.
I am french and come from the region of alsace-lorraine
beautiful, just forest, fields and move to bristol around 24 years ago. i am married Not for long now !
i have 2 grown up childrens.
I have always been a hard worker so never had time for friendship too .
i am reaching 45 years old this year and refuses to aged.
Middle life crisis???????
Now for cats its not that i do not like them but i use to be a
lovebirds breeder myself so cats are not my strong subject
i had a little hamster named Softy, i became very fond of her and she hardly spend time in her cage she loved cuddles and play time but saddly she died 2 years ago. she is buried in my garden and has a little plaque and flowers. i can not replace her and lost my little compagnon.
it would be great if we could keep in touch, probably exchange e-mail if you wish? because i want you to know that if you need to talk there is always a listener for you.
Lots of love going your way. x
It is a pleasure to see our little sun shine feeling much more cheerful see told you!
thanks pastafreak for your delightful words to reina that done the trick!
I would love a brezilien night, lambada practice is much needed i am afraid i am gone rusty and i ve got to find a way to hide those varicoses veins.
I am french and come from the region of alsace-lorraine
beautiful, just forest, fields and move to bristol around 24 years ago. i am married Not for long now !
i have 2 grown up childrens.
I have always been a hard worker so never had time for friendship too .
i am reaching 45 years old this year and refuses to aged.
Middle life crisis???????
Now for cats its not that i do not like them but i use to be a
lovebirds breeder myself so cats are not my strong subject
i had a little hamster named Softy, i became very fond of her and she hardly spend time in her cage she loved cuddles and play time but saddly she died 2 years ago. she is buried in my garden and has a little plaque and flowers. i can not replace her and lost my little compagnon.
it would be great if we could keep in touch, probably exchange e-mail if you wish? because i want you to know that if you need to talk there is always a listener for you.
Lots of love going your way. x
Hi! Laurencelolo--what brought YOU to cloudy old England? did you marry a brit like i did? Alsace sounds lovely tho I have never been there----but it is lovely down here in the west country..of which Bristol is a part. Besides cats I have also had (for my daughter when she was small)a rabbit,several guinea pigs and hamsters and a lovely dogwho lived to be 15. Do you think making friends gets more difficult as you get older? ....for various reasons including not having as much free time to socialise??? And where is Reinaluna???.....bet she has taken all our advice and now has 2-3 dozen English mates!!
yes she must be quick on her feets! ha ha !
probably would found her in a pub, half drunk as well ha ha!
i met my husband while on holidays in tunisia. yep holidays romance, they were the days!
i visited bristol and fell in love with the place and stayed here since.
friendship to me is something i have missed on because of my busy life and now i am reaching middle life crisis {BOOB LIFT REQUIRED} and sold my business last year i can slow down a bit trying to regain some sanity and where i am going with my life from now on weird feeling.
what about you?
probably would found her in a pub, half drunk as well ha ha!
i met my husband while on holidays in tunisia. yep holidays romance, they were the days!
i visited bristol and fell in love with the place and stayed here since.
friendship to me is something i have missed on because of my busy life and now i am reaching middle life crisis {BOOB LIFT REQUIRED} and sold my business last year i can slow down a bit trying to regain some sanity and where i am going with my life from now on weird feeling.
what about you?
Hello girls!!!! ;o)
Wooow felt so happy when I arrived here and saw that my question turned to be a conversation between the 3 of us!!!
A Brazilian, an American and a French, that's very international isn't it? imagine the 3 of us getting together?? oh la la Lauren je m' appelle Valeska, I want to learn French!!!
Well I wasn't in the pub getting p*ssed as you both thought! But I had a nice Easter, because a friend from Banbury came here to my house, and spent the whole weekend here. We cooked many nice things (I LOVE to eat! NO wonder I'm chubby!), I did chicken strognoff, very creamy and full of ketchup as I like, then I did passion fruit mousse, he did a great spaghetti bolognese and some garlic bread... he and my boyfriend has lots of beer and wine and I just looked them getting funny!!!
I don't like alcohol a lot, only sweet things, my favourite drink is Bailey's with ice, or Amaretto dall' orso or Cointreau... but don't think these ones would ever get me drunk so I'm safe hahahaha!!!
Wooow felt so happy when I arrived here and saw that my question turned to be a conversation between the 3 of us!!!
A Brazilian, an American and a French, that's very international isn't it? imagine the 3 of us getting together?? oh la la Lauren je m' appelle Valeska, I want to learn French!!!
Well I wasn't in the pub getting p*ssed as you both thought! But I had a nice Easter, because a friend from Banbury came here to my house, and spent the whole weekend here. We cooked many nice things (I LOVE to eat! NO wonder I'm chubby!), I did chicken strognoff, very creamy and full of ketchup as I like, then I did passion fruit mousse, he did a great spaghetti bolognese and some garlic bread... he and my boyfriend has lots of beer and wine and I just looked them getting funny!!!
I don't like alcohol a lot, only sweet things, my favourite drink is Bailey's with ice, or Amaretto dall' orso or Cointreau... but don't think these ones would ever get me drunk so I'm safe hahahaha!!!
About animals, I like all of them, I am very much into the animal protection cause, although I am NOT a vegetarian, because I like to eat chicken, fish and sometimes, some beef too. (No other animals such as lamb, pork or rabbit for me though!)
As pets I have in Rio de Janeiro 2 cats and 1 parrot, after my poor Belgium Canary died... I already had dogs in the past and I LOVE dogs but they need some more space and time than the felines...
I think it's a WONDERFUL idea to exchange our emails and then, from there, go further, maybe? like swapping phones, talking.... but first it's better the mail so we have some privacy. Look, my mail is quite easy, you get my name (valeska) at "mail that is hot" dot co dot uk
Hope you understand me this way, I didn't want to put the mail directly because it makes me receive lots of SPAM!
As pets I have in Rio de Janeiro 2 cats and 1 parrot, after my poor Belgium Canary died... I already had dogs in the past and I LOVE dogs but they need some more space and time than the felines...
I think it's a WONDERFUL idea to exchange our emails and then, from there, go further, maybe? like swapping phones, talking.... but first it's better the mail so we have some privacy. Look, my mail is quite easy, you get my name (valeska) at "mail that is hot" dot co dot uk
Hope you understand me this way, I didn't want to put the mail directly because it makes me receive lots of SPAM!
Oh wow!!! it is great to find you both here!! Je m'appelle Virginie--am sitting here stuffing my greedy face with pollenta-crusted trout and I could kill for a baileys...or a galiano...or a limoncello...'tis a combination of my 1/2 italian,1/4 english,1/4 irish blood...oh yeh...there is rumoured to be some native american in there too!!! A typical american mutt!! I spend my days cooking for the elderly and then do some more when i get home...can't help it...HATE fast food. many years ago-before my daughter was born( she's 21) i was a graphic artist...then i made jewellery and papier mache bowls&mirrors. right now i should be studying...TRYING to do an OU degree but am SO lazy!!...and old...am a young 59...but feel 30...my dream? to go to morrocco one day Tell me more about yourselves.
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