Desstructive relationship.

[grumpii]

How can you break away from somebody who you love more than you think is possible, After thirten years of marriage, and 3 beautiful childeren . How can you tell the alcholic woman that you love, that you cant cope with the alcoholism anymore. how can you watch other families sitting on a picknick , knowing your wife would rather spend the time on her own getting ****** alone, than spending time watching her children having fun and playing games with family members. (she would rather be on the net ******)

[grumpii]

p1ssed is the word,sorry ED.

[ummmm]

Can you define alcoholic?

Is she drinking because she really NEEDS to.....as this would make her an alcoholic...

Or could it be because she is trying to numb her emotions for some reason?

[Reverandfunk]

Been there and done it mate, my ex was exactly the same, in the end I looked on the AA website and that helped. I offered to go to meetings with her, help in any way I could etc etc but it fell on deaf ears. In the end I left her (3 years ago) and from what I hear she is worse than ever. Thing is your partner has to want to be helped, if they don't forget it. I know it's tough with the kids but rally round both families and see if they can support you or influence her.

[Reverandfunk]

Also alcoholism can't be defined by "needing" to have a drink, you can be an alcoholic and drink once a week, it's the effect it has on your behaviour, your work, your relationships etc that define it.

[ummmm]

No it's not Reverandfunk.....you are an alcoholic if you need a drink. Even if that drink she just once a week it's a matter of need and not want. There are alcoholics who manage to still function and hold down a job and look after the family. There are varying types of alcoholics with varying needs. Some need a bottle of vodka just to feel normal and some just need a few half's.

Others....and I suspect his wife may fall into this category....have a drink to help them chill out, relax and numb their emotions slightly. I have formed my opinion on grumpii's previous posts and having been in a similar situation myself!!! I use to have a drink to unwind and stop me thinking about all the cr@p I was having to deal with.....I wasn't an alcoholic....I didn't need to drink, I just wanted to. It's a temporary way of coping with what you really do not want to cope with. Not the best way....true, bit everyone is different.

Oh.....and I have probably met more alcoholics in my life than anyone one person should have.

[ummmm]

Oh....and if she was happy....she probably wouldn't feel the need/want to drink. So maybe that's where you should start looking.

Find out why your wife is unhappy.....and deal with that.

[grumpii]

She drinks heavily from about 3pm every day, and has done for years, always enjoyed a drink but it just seemed to escilate. I now know she is unhappy and we are in discussion but there are so many barriers up we cant get anywhere, and she doesnt think she is alcoholic.

[ummmm]

grumpii.....my opinion may be worth jack but.....she probably isn't an alcoholic. Just unhappy. I can only talk from my personal experience......it's surprising how happiness stops the urge to drink. Or...more fitting, the urge to bury your head in the sand.

[grumpii]

Thanks, your opinion is greatfully taken on board.

[Reverandfunk]

ummmm - have a look at the AA website. You dont "need" to have a drink to be in trouble with alcohol.

[grumpii]

We did the alcohol councelling a few years back and nothing has changed, if anything, things have steadily got worse.

[ummmm]

Reverandfunk.....I know you don't 'need' to have a drink to have a problem. Some people go out on a Saturday night, get tanked up, come home and beat sh!t out of their partners. That's a problem with alcohol......doesn't make an alcoholic though!!!!!

[vehelpfulguy]

I was married to a woman for 10 years. But it was a bad marriage and she turned to drink. It got worse and, even though we had two young children, I left her.

But even after I left she did not stop drinking and over the years it got worse and worse. She never re-married and about 3 years ago she died.

She was only 52 and she had basically drunk herself to death.

I think there are some people who find life so bad, or so boring, or so difficult to cope with, that they blot out the pain with drink (or drugs).

We have seen many writers, pop stars, film stars etc who have died young because of their inability to manage their intake of substances.

Bredan Behan is a good example of someone who basically drunk (or drugged) themselves to death. Other include Keith Moon, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, and that prat going out with Kate Moss is going the same way.

As others have said, unless they want to help themsleves there is not much you can do. It is awful to watch someone waste their life like that, but some people just have this destructive streak.

Even if you left her and took the children I do not think it will snap her out of it. It is very sad.

Try to get her to watch the film "Days of wine and roses" with Jack Lemmon. This is a powerful film about how alcolholism breaks up a marriage and watching it may shock her in to realising what she is doing to herself, her marriage and her children.

More here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055895/

[grumpii]

Thankyou.

[abo]

jeremy kyle show!!

[caz247]

prev reply not funny at all.

i am with ummmm on this as i have been in similar situation. is the guy she talks to on the net part of the
prob and does he know about the drinking.


caz

[grumpii]

I think he does now, but didnt.

[WendyS]

Alcoholism is totally destructive, both to the sufferer and those around them. I think you need to get your wife in a quiet place, sit her down, tell her than you can't cope with her any more and insist that she puts herself into treatment. But if she doesn't genuinely want to give up alcohol, then you will have to face the harsh reality, for your s and your childrens' sakes, that she will eventually self-destruct. Before that happens maybe you need to get her to move out and take responsibility for herself so that your children are not continually living in an environment where they are not properly looked after and their safety could be jeopardised. Do you have any parents or in-laws who can influence your wife? Can you get her to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings? She needs to discover why she is so unhappy and unfulfilled with herself. Maybe a serious ultimatum, i.e. that you want her to leave, is the only thing that might shake her enough to take some action.

[grumpii]

I left over a week ago