advice appreciated

[harry28]

hi can anyone help, just met a fantastic man who i am very quickly falling for but he just made a shock confession to having used prostitutes in the not so distant past, i appreciate not since meeting myself and that he swears he was protected but i dont know what to do to get my head round it all and for obvious reason's wouldnt want to seek help from friends.?????. what would everyone do in my situation

[nannon]

his past is his past though really...i wouldnt particulary like it but i guess if he really is fantastic....
You could always get him to get tested if you are worried about that aspect of it...but i guess you would be worried about that prostitues or not....

[tiny e.a]

My general assumption is that men who use prostitues are creeps. However, you say this man is fantastic and so perhaps he is. If I were in your situation my actions would very much depend on how much I liked him, how much I trusted him and whether his use of prostitutes was a regular thing whenever he was single. If it was a regular thing I would no longer be interested in him as I would no longer consider him to be that fantastic. However, I don't know for sure, but perhaps if I really liked him, trusted that he would never use prstitutes while with me and if his use of them had been a one off or maybe even a consequence of an exceptionally, only could happen once, drink fuelled night, I could live with it. It really depends on whether you feel that you can live with it, if you can then go ahead, it would only ever be between you and him and so you wouldn't have to fear judgement for your decision from friends or family.

[joko]

as long as he doesn't do it when with you, then its not really an issue - its his past and not really any of your business.

people go through tough times and circumstances and the react in various ways.

to a man a prostitute is just like going to a club and having a one night stand in emotional attachment - it is just a definite rather than a possibilty

many people do far worse things withing the confines of marriage or relationships, so the fact that money is involved really is quite minor - at least no-one got their heart broken...

[caz247]

the fact that he admitted it means how much he likes you
but I don't see that you have a situation so to speak as
joko pointed out it's in the past and I agree

[alijangra]

I disagree with some of the answers here. I know for a fact that if my other half had used a prostitute I would have seen him in a totally different light and I doubt I would have stayed with him. He has barely even been to any strip clubs, never mind hookers! It IS your business what he has done in his past as he has told you and you now have to live with that information. I also feel there is a massive difference between using 'escorts' who are generally clean, insist on using protection and have a better lifestyle as opposed to street hookers who are vulnerable, often drug addicted, sorry individuals who will often have sex without protection for a bit extra ( did he specify which?). Everyone is different, some obviously dont see it s a big deal and others, like myself, feel very strongly about what my partner did before he met me. I guess it depends which side of the fence you are on. The fact he has told you shows he is a very honest guy and it must have taken a lot of guts to tell you. You must really think about whether you can get past the thought of him paying for sex. I would give you the same advice I would give anyone else, which is use protection until you are ready to commit to each other and BOTH of you get STD checked before ditching the condoms.

[Woolpop]

I would thank him for his honesty, it can't be an easy thing to admit. I personally wouldn't be too bothered. He had needs and dealt with them. I wish you both the best of luck.

[888sally888]

I have to be honest - it would put me of big time.

[4getmenot]

I'd get him tested before I went anywhere near him. It is in his past but some things may still be with him.

[liquidspace]

My partner used prostitutes just before he met me and even saw a couple at the start of our relationship. It is very hard to deal with and accept. My partner is very honest and it sounds like your bf is too. Be pleased that he has been honest and make him promise you that he wouldnt do this again. You have to trust him, most guys do this kinda thing without telling their wives and partners and hence, most women dont know what their guys are doing. Where my partner works, I would say 70-80% of the men are cheating on their wives and the wives havent got a clue.

[4getmenot]

did you make them get tested though liquid?

[atolhurst]

I had a similar dilema - my bf did something I strongly disagree with in the not too distant past before he and I got together (we've been dating for over 3 years now) which I found out about 6 months into the relationship.

You have to make a decison about whether its something you can live with and whether you trust him enough not to do it again. Telling you about it is quite a big thing - its probably very embarrassing for him and the chances of you finding out about it if he hadn't told you are slim so I would be inclined to think he wants to be honest and thus has no intention of going that way again.

I found myself quite torn about whether I could move on from it. In the end I did and I don't - at the moment - have any reason regret doing so. I do think about it sometimes now but don't bring it up with bf as that would be unfair.

[silver_fern]

It was in is past... he's not doing it now... and he obviously thinks enough of you to put up with the embarresment of telling you... surely that counts for something? I would get him to get tested though... which shouldn't be a problem for him if he's into you...

[liquidspace]

Yes he was clear from anything. I wouldnt put up with anything like that though and the thought of a partner doing that turns my stomach. I would agree with atolhurst in that he probably wants to be honest and doesnt want to do it again. Whether you can move on from it depends on what kind of person you are, whether you can let things go and how you feel about it etc.

It tends to get brought up in any argument, in my case though - good for a bit of mudslinging. ;o)