Am I making the right choice?

[Jamie29]

I've lived with my g/f for a few years. We've got 4 kids at home. When we met I was all up for the wedding lark. Truest thing anyone ever said to me was, 'you don't know someone until you live with them.' I love her, but (and there's always a 'but') at times I've been subjected to domestic violence. Sure someone's going to post I'm a plum for letting her hit me. I just don't hit women. I've left her a few times, but always went back for the children. Why should I be the one who misses out on playtime and kissing them goodnight, because she can't control her temper? I moved back in last night and swore it's the last time I walk away. None of my family or close mates think I should be there anymore. I can't desert my children. I'm responsible for them, so why does it have to come down to living in fear at times just to be with them?

[senior08]

well, i don't think not marrying her would fix it, it would just make it harder to get out of.

[senior08]

another thing, that site said it was hereditary...i wouldn't like to see your kids grow up like that. my brother inherited his violent temper from my dad.

[leewayne]

good on you mate,your kids will be fine growing up with a man like you to guide them,hats of to you....dont ever go back....look forward to life now with your children in a much happier home.All the best-lianne : )

[~max~]

Jamie...You are a star. Your children will suffer now, of course, but not anymore than they would have anyway. It's always hard for kids when a bad break up happens, but such is life. You have done the best thing you could for both yours, and your kids, safety. I hope she gets help, and finally realises she has a serious problem. But it is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. You owe it to yourself, and to your children, to remain the good, level-headed person you have been. Enough with feeling guilty. It's not your fault. Believe me, I know what guilt is, and you definitely shouldn't feel that. Take care of yourself, and your kids. She will take care of herself.

Btw, if you want to send an email, that's no problem either. I'm on sportsbank too.
I wish you all the best. You good man. xxx

[cherrycherry]

And you say you love this person?

[mangosam]

Why did you choose her as your partner in the first place Jamie? Think back and remember why you had kids. Your children are the beauty of what you have with her. Seasons may change winter to spring and you should be with her, so help her. Focus on the priceless reward if you both worked this out and the violence stopped. You and her will get through this forest of insecurity if you really believe and apply yourselves. Explore your options again and try'n talk to her about how she feels and how you feel. Make sure you talk in a secure enviroment and understand the dynamics of the the situation. I know people on here have been looking towards more extreme ways of dealing with this. But ( and there's always a "but" ) this doesn't have to be the end the relationship and your childrens secure future. Just focus on what your family could gain and how much easier everything will be when you get it sorted out. I know I am being forward but other answer bank members are being very negative. Don't leave mate, try and try again. If theres hope in your heart that this will work out. Hold on. I do hope that this post gets to you quick enough before you make any decisions that aren't potentialy the best thing. Take care, I hope this answer gets to you soon.

[leelapops]

mangosam, of course I don't know the whole story, but it sounds to me from what has been said that he HAS tried and tried again. You can only try things so many times before the situation becomes futile. He is unhappy, and she hurts him emotionally and physically. This is NOT acceptable, and she is not changing. It is not OK for her to think that he will be there no matter how she treats him.
I am sorry to disagree, but I really feel that enough is enough in this situation.

[Jamie29]

Senior, one of my daughter's is a fireball already.
Lianne, I'm not going back. Just worried about the children missing her. Seems cruel to keep them from her.
Max, the children are safer. It was a war zone, She'd never purposely hit them but anything she tried to hit me with could one day smash into them. I couldn't live with myself if they got hurt.
Cherry, of course I do. She's given me wonderful, completely amazing children. She was an amazing girl herself. Something's gone wrong and I can't fix it. I tried.
Mangosam, because she was my ideal. My heart used to sing because of her. But......after so much abuse how the hell could I stay for more. I'm not a dog, I'm a ******* human being who deserves a bit of respect. No in fact I deserve a lot of respect. Would you stay with someone you were scared might kill you one day? I've talked and talked with her, with counsellors, with doctors and I'm talked out. I talked and she hit. Guess that makes me a mug but I've learnt my lesson. My children will always be secure. I appreciate what you're trying to say but I've tried over and over. She promises it won't happen again but it always does. I'd understand if I was a serial womaniser or a useless man to have around. I'm not, I've loved her and put up with more than anyone should have to in a lifetime. I'm getting stressed, so I'll leave it there.
Leelapops, hey there. Enough is enough. I'm a man not a punchbag. If I can get past the niggling 'I'm an evil scumbag' then me and my family might just be okay.

[tigwig]

I would just like to add to this that you sound like a lovely caring person Jamie. Well done for finding the courage to stand up to your girlfriend. Try not to worry about the kids missing her too much, they will adapt and they are much better off now they don't have to witness your arguments. As long as they have as much continuity now as you can and with the help of your family you will get through this. If your girlfriend can calm down I am sure you will be able to arrange contact with her but personally I wouldn't leave the kids with her alone it sounds like she is the sort of person that might try to abduct them! Once again well done for being so brave and don't forget we are all here for you to talk to. Take care xxx

[cherrycherry]

Good luck, Jamie, I hope your partner will recover with some time for reflection, and to regain her self-esteem after abusing you, and that eventually you will be able to keep in contact for the sake of the kids. All best wishes.

[Desperado]

Keep family safe man. Stay strong

[senior08]

hey, i am glad that before you left, you did try to help her. but, i am also glad that you are now away from her and safe, you still are, correct? i just hope you do keep it that way, and dont allow her to threaten you into going back to her. as for the children...i am sorry that your daughter, i believe you said is already becoming a fireball. i do hope all is well with you and stays well. please don't take offense to this if you are not religious, but i will keep you and your family in my prayers. let me know whats up with everything, and i am here if you need to talk. just let me know if i can help in any way at all. i hope y'all do ok.
-senior08-

[lil123]

How are you? Hope things aren't too bad for you x

[Jamie29]

Thanks desperado.
Senior I'm not offended. That means a lot to me, thanks.
Lil123 I added you to my friends list in sportsbank.

We met up yesterday at neutral ground. Things were tense, but it was going ok until I mentioned me having custody. She slapped me. No wake up call changes in her. I've done the right thing.

[4getmenot]

jamie I am so sorry I havent been replying on PM I was away Friday till today. I cant beleive she hasnt changed one bit and I hope you noted down that she slapped you. How are the little ones now?

[lorla]

Jamie don't forget to document everything you can - try and think back and document old things too. Don't forget that if you were taken to hospital with injuries beofre, the hospital will have a record of that.

You're a brave man.

x

[leelapops]

Oh Jamie, if nothing else, at leadt this made your decision concrete. Still, though, not nice to have to be subjected to that, yesterday. Still feel for you.
How are you feeling within yourself?
x

[banjosister]

Hey Jamie,

Have just read through this very long post.

I really feel for you.

Wish there was something else I could say. I agree with most on here. I think you have done the right thing. You will have hard times ahead but it can only get better.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope your life settles down soon. Hope you find some love in your life.

Best wishes.

BB xx