Am I making the right choice?

[Jamie29]

I've lived with my g/f for a few years. We've got 4 kids at home. When we met I was all up for the wedding lark. Truest thing anyone ever said to me was, 'you don't know someone until you live with them.' I love her, but (and there's always a 'but') at times I've been subjected to domestic violence. Sure someone's going to post I'm a plum for letting her hit me. I just don't hit women. I've left her a few times, but always went back for the children. Why should I be the one who misses out on playtime and kissing them goodnight, because she can't control her temper? I moved back in last night and swore it's the last time I walk away. None of my family or close mates think I should be there anymore. I can't desert my children. I'm responsible for them, so why does it have to come down to living in fear at times just to be with them?

[4getmenot]

It doesnt if you really want to be with them and she is voilent fight for custody

[daffy654]

I agree 100% with 4getmenot on this one,you don't have to put up with her violence and the kids shouldn't have to witness it either.Seek legal advice ASAP.

[cruella]

Jamie
Children do not need to be exposed to this sort of behaviour from your partner. Ther is just no need for violence.
They would probably be better off staying with you.
As others have said, seek advice on this.
You could have a great life with your kids, without her. She needs to get some anger management or help, but until then, I would not stay in a situation that you are in.
Hope all goes well for you. xx

[4getmenot]

If a bloke was hitting his wife do you think the mother would leave the children with him. And dont you ever think to yourself you are weak. You are not at all. And are the bigger person for not hitting her back. I hate woman that hit men and than cry victim if they do it back

[4getmenot]

you owe it to your children

[Jamie29]

Do you think I'd get custody? It would kill her to lose the children. What angers me most is the time I've spent trying to help her. She's jealous and insecure, so I make sure she knows where I am all the time. I can't stand that either, but I do it because I was told by a touchy feely **** that she needs to feel loved. Well............so do I and I feel **** all.

[daffy654]

It is not acceptable for a woman to hit a man RAGGY ROMAN.I would never hit a man, unless I was defending myself.

[4getmenot]

from what you said about her insecurity I think she needs help, its not fair on you at all. Can you suggest that she gets some help and if she does you see no other choice but to try and get custody of the children as you dont think they are safe in that environment.

[cruella]

Sounds like she has mega problems and also cannot control her temper.
How long before shehits one of your kids.
Nope, think you need to seek advice.
You have a life too. Where do you see yourself in 20 years time if you stay?

[4getmenot]

its never acceptable and I would say that if they do hit a man raggy then they deserve to be smacked back. But in the end I dont believe in anyone being hit, an adult should be able to hold an adult conversation without fists

[lil123]

I can really empathise with you here. There is no excuse for Domestic Violence and there are agencies there to help. I was in a very unhappy relationship for 20 years where my ex husband nearly killed me 3 times. I left 10times before I finally had enough in Dec 2006. He is still trying to get me back even though I have a lovely boyfriend now.
I kept going back because of my children who are now 19 and 17 and I have a 2 year old but thankfully he hasn't witnessed what they have. You say you have a responsibility to your children but she can't stop you seeing them and they will have witnessed what you have and also the phycological damage that D.V has on children is devastasting. My middle child self harmed badly for years luckily now we are away from it she doesn't and my eldest just rebelled. She too now is expecting a child. Please speak to someone and I will support you all I can. Sometimes you just need someone to listen who has been there and come out other side. Life is fantastic just not living in fear anymore. It is so common 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men suffer D.V at some point in their life.

[Jamie29]

It's taken me so long to answer the first replies that I didn't see the rest. My eldest knows what's going on but the others are toddlers and babies. They sense the tension, they must do.
4getmenot, you're right. No woman would leave her children with a violent man.
Raggy, couldn't live with myself if I hit her. Oh I've wanted to but it's not in me. That's why I walk away. Always thought it strange why some people laugh at men getting beaten by their wife/girlfriend.

[XFilesfan]

Is it hormonal? If it's her 'time-of-the-month' then she can get it sorted. If she's just short tempered, then I don't think it's you who should walk away - Because you never know, she could start on the kids. If she beats you up again, I know it's hard, BUT have her prosecuted, It could be the best thing to get her on an 'anger management' course, or some sort of pyschological help that she needs. I think you ought to be applauded and congratulated, too many fathers walk away.

[Jamie29]

Lil, I've been hospitalised twice. Once with concussion and once with a fractured cheekbone.

[senior08]

try going here...

http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive.ht m

[senior08]

therapy for her...she needs it. it will help your family. it is recommended. got to the site above, it's a good one.

[Jamie29]

Xfiles, we've been to countless counselling sessions. I didn't mind, I wanted to help her. You wouldn't believe the grief they put me through because I wasn't doing enough for her!

[theonlyone]

jamie 29 ..children need
fathers as much as mothers ..you
will cope ..go for it ...Good Luck ...

[lil123]

Also 99% of the time the perpertrators of D.V can not be helped as they won't accept responsibility for their behavour I spent 20 years trying !!!