Devastated....

[luckyfish]

just looking for some support.
my b/f and father to little girl went out on saturday after i had asked him to change his plans and stay home with us, instead of going out again. the way he was behaving saying he HAD to go made me suspicious, then he came home after 3am so i was so curious to know where he had been, but he was very vague. while he was sleeping yesterday afternoon (from hangover) i took his mobile checked... there was a few strange numbers on but one new name and number. i called that number and a girl answered,and i hung up. since then i have felt sick to my stomach and so ashamed that i can't even speak to my mates :((( last night couldn't even sleep a wink. cause he leaves for work round 7:30 and cause he slept most of yesterday i woke him just after 6:30 to talk to him about this.
he said that he met this girl & her friend on the road the other day and they exchanged numbers and then also decided to meet up on saturday. he also said that he told her he had a g/f and child and nothing happened.
as far as i'm concerned chatting/flirting and swapping numbers is cheating - meeting up is unforgivable.
i used to be a confident person and life of every party, i loved going out but since having become a mother that is my main aim in life, be the best mum possible and i can't understand that after almost 2 years he hasn't eventually also evolved to feel the same.he goes out almost every week.
if anyone has managed to read to this point and make sense of my rambling... do you think i'm being harsh calling it quits now? my family all live in australia so that is where we'd be heading.
as i said i'm so embarrassed that he could have done this to me that i haven't managed to chat to my friends and so any opinions would be really appreciated.

[luckyfish]

thanks jake. i do have a pasport for her.
i have put up with so much - obviously i really don't want to pour my heart out completely, but trust me it's more than i have ever said i would do. eg: went to visit a friend in austria for 4 days - during that time (him telling me how much he's missing us and how empty the house is without us) he managed to text some new number 62 times!!! he told me it was flirty messages from a girl he met before (apparently)... he could have just as easily text me.
i gave him the bennefit of the doubt each time until now - last straw and all that. my little one is geeting old enough to realise what is going on and she is going to start learning right and wrong. cheating is wrong, even in a game - let alone when you're messing with someone's heart.
he has offered to pay for our flight. he knows that he was at fault and keeps saying how sorry he is - i just know that he doesn't mean it!!!

the reason i feel embarressed to talk to my friends is that they obviously know us and our history. i'm embarressed cause he went out with this girl with 2 of his friends there.... and when he first met her his brother was there while he flirted and they exchanged numbers.

sometimes it's just easier to speak openly when you're just a name.
i have to sort lots out here - we have bought a house together and more importantly our little one.
i don't what her to grow up without her father but i'm tired of being the one who's heart get's trampled on every couple of years/months.

like ladyalex says - time to get out of harms way and become the confident person i used to be.
no time like the present to make the change and yes, the grandparents will be over the moon to have their little princess there in the flesh.

[888sally888]

I am out for a while now luckyfish but keep us posted and I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

I will check back in later x

[Lisa1983]

I really feel for you and your emotions are obviously running very high at the moment. I do agree it was a bit underhanded the way your fella met this girl and probably nothing happened on this occasion but would he of ever told you about it if you hadn't went snooping in his phone and where would it of led if there was another meeting. I'd think before throwing it all away, have a good chat with him and see how he feels about you up rooting his daughter may give him a shock into seeing what he'd be losing or help make his mind up of what he wants. However I would ask him not to contact the girl again behind your back thats just asking for trouble.

[luckyfish]

aah, thanks sally :) what a lovely lady....
actually everyone on this thread has been great.
thanks guys.

i have lots of thinking to do, but i must get some sleep.

just to answer the cheating question: yes, definately!!!
he has admitted it to me, in an attempt to reconcile.
i also phoned one of his mates that was there and has said he doesn't want to get involved... didn't say No!!! because he too knows about all the lies.
also, i was very cheeky/brave/nasty and phoned the girl - she said if it was her b/f she wouldn't hang around and also that he never mentioned having a g/f or baby.
he has tried to tell me she is lying, but for some reason i believe her... she has nothing to loose and also she kept saying that she was so sorry for me.
yes! this time was another one to add to the list.

anyway, as far as i'm concerned when you get someone's number after flirting and arrange to meet up and then do it - that is cheating!!! sometimes just a kiss can be more hurtful. am i very old fashioned?
but you get what you give and so i always do&give my best in the hope that it will be returned.

i have really been babbling and it's cause i'm really tired after this sleepless and emotional weekend.
enjoy the rest of your day and thanks for your help.
i'm going to check that i'm not doing anything illegal by taking her home... i just want the best for her (as evry parent)

[beso]

His excuse is that you are not married?! He really is a complete looser. Never mind whether or not he cheated, he has no commitment to you or his daughter.

When a man goes fishing it is still fishing whether he catches any or not.

[Dr-Legend]

Exactly hes a badun.Waste of time with hime in my opinion.

[Lisa1983]

Sorry luckyfish I only read your question and didn't go over your answers. He certainly has a history and understandably you feel you can't talk to your mates but they are your mates and are there for you no matter what they think, you go with your heart girl, you'll make the right decision for you and your daughter. Good luck xx

[888sally888]

Luckyfish - will check in later and see if your ok. Hope you have had some peace to think things through x

[ilovemarkb]

I wasted thirteen years of my life with a man who i didnt have the courage to bin, Eventually my suspicians got the better of me, and i took a peak at his mobile and sure enough he had another woman. that was in 2001!! I divorced him, best thing ive ever done! Now im with a proper man(my mr wonderful) there are quite a few similarities in your man and my X. i often used be left in on my own with our 2 boys, i was so lonely. BUT NOT NOW!!!