Unhealthy girlfriend.

[henrywat]

My gf and I are both 25 and a year into the relationship. Thing is I love her very much and think she has a great character - but physical attraction is important to me, my girlfriend HATES the gym, doesnt like exercising, wont ever wanna go on a run, and 'is too tired after work to cook healthily' always finding excuses.

How can I get her to start trimming down and looking slimmer without being offensive?

Please, i dont want any replies saying 'you should love her how she is, whatever her size....'

[sara3]

you're evidently not a match.

set her free to find someone who will love her for who she is.

I mis-read your name, btw, I thought I saw an extra "t" in there!

[Lakitu]

LOL Sara!

I can't agree enough, I'd be pretty upset if I thought my partner thought like that about me.

[redcrx]

"i dont want any replies saying 'you should love her how she is, whatever her size....'"

ok what replies do you want?

if this is she is then thats who you love! if you want to change her you dont love her.

why dont you cook something healthy on the days you cook?

[henrywat]

why do you think im that sara, or are you generally abusive?

Im forever cooking really healthy stuff for her so she doesnt get dips in energy that she currently gets, and isnt constantly knackered.

Like I said, shes just being unhealthy and thats never EVER good. The fact that she is 25 and seemingly has given up trying to look good for herself, when currently she is complaining about looking fat and feeling tired all the time, really worries me.

Your abuse is unhelpful Sara

[Sgt.Rock]

You could make sure she gets plenty of the best type of exercise?

[redcrx]

are you actually worried about her? perhaps shes struggling and is tired because of work.

or are you more worried about how she looks?

[Doolallygirl]

Ok little bit more constructive here, why don't you cook for her? When she sees how easy it is to cook healthily and how good it tastes she may be more encouraged to do so herself.

As for the exercise part, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Not everyone is going to get off their butt and use the gym if they don't feel they need to, or don't have time to or want to. How about you get up and go for a run yourself early in the mornings and she may just start to wonder what all the fuss is about one day and come with you?

I can't really talk from experience as I go to the gym everyday but my boyfriend doesn't and I don't feel the need to pressure him into anything, it's up to him what he does or doesn't do, it's his body and his life afterall!

[henrywat]

and im in it for the long-haul, thats why im asking - for ADVICE, not ABUSE!

i'm not going to leave her over this, but I wanna learn how to make a difference in her life and be the person who can encourage her to change and be healthier.

[Lakitu]

Hang on, if SHE is happy with her body shape, then what right do you have to try and change it?

A woman can be overwieght and still be healthy and beautiful.

[PatriciaH]

Just for info what dress size is she ?

[henrywat]

Maybe Im not explaining correctly, i try and cook healthily for her and I care about her massively. So i am trying to be a positive influence.

I'll give you an example, shes always wanted to be a photographer, we saved up and gone a camera, but on a recent 'experience break' she had to stop after half an hour of walking about taking photos with a professional photographer cos she was knackered 'with all that walking'..

[Doolallygirl]

You could focus on that and ask if she felt bad about feeling knackered. Tell her that if she walked more often it would become easier. To pursue her hobby etc she will need to be fit blah blah blah??

[henrywat]

She was a 10, now some 12/ some 14.

She is NOT happy with her size, but gym/exercise/helathy cooking is 'difficult'

[pastafreak]

mmmm.....yes-is it henry's idea of ' big'......or is she actually quite a normal size?
Is he being objective??

[MrBounty]

Dude, no one is giving abuse.....

With regards to your lass, you say you love her and are "in it for the long haul", but, one year into the relationship, you are finding faults with her.
Yeah, so she complains she looks fat (as most women do....sorry, girls!) and is tired - does she have a stressful job?
Are there other things bothering her, which could lead to tiredness, depression, etc?

Just because you like to exercise or cook healthy, doesnt mean everyone should - i dont, for a start.

After working eight or nine hours of the day, the last thing i want to do is go out running in the frickin cold!!

Why not sit the lass down and have a chat?
Maybe you'll get the answers you want and save from getting the "abuse" you've been inundated with on here!

[Sgt.Rock]

I have to agree with you henrywat, let's be honest and blunt, most men would prefer a woman who is not overweight.

[Doolallygirl]

Hardly an unhealthy size!

[henrywat]

Thanks doolallygirl...! So do it through her interest/hobby?

[Lakitu]

Size 12/14 is not large nor unhealthy.

[MrBounty]

Hmmmm.....size 14 being that overweight??

Wise up, dude!