Unhealthy girlfriend.

[henrywat]

My gf and I are both 25 and a year into the relationship. Thing is I love her very much and think she has a great character - but physical attraction is important to me, my girlfriend HATES the gym, doesnt like exercising, wont ever wanna go on a run, and 'is too tired after work to cook healthily' always finding excuses.

How can I get her to start trimming down and looking slimmer without being offensive?

Please, i dont want any replies saying 'you should love her how she is, whatever her size....'

[MrBounty]

I always aim to please! :)

[Bbbananas]

If you can't tell teasing & a joke from abuse, maybe you are on the wrong site?

I think you have been getting constructive feedback on the whole - it's just not the feedback you wanted obviously.

There are other forms of exercise other than the gym - walking cycling, swimming, dancing.... but in all honesty, in winter she's not the only one who can't be bothered. Most of us prefer to stuff our faces with comfort food & slouch in the warm on the sofa. Maybe she'll get a spring in her step in the spring?

Stop sulking Henry - we are not being abusive. ;-)

[flip_flop]

For a five foot 1 inch femail her ideal weight is between 9 and 10 stone.

At 12 stone she is 'offcially' obese according to her body mass index.

Now, the BMI has, quite rightly, been discredited by many experts as it doesn't account for body composition but, it doesn't take an expert to know that 12 stone and five foot 1 is overweight.

[flip_flop]

Ignore my email - I've just realised where you referred to '12' , you were referring to her dress size not her weight.

[pastafreak]

IF she is going to change,drop a dress aize,get healthy...whatever...she HAS to do it when SHE is ready. Neither you-or anyone else- can make that choice for her. It HAS to come from within. The fact that she is unhappy with how she is MAY mean she is headed in that direction. But you really can't push,or even do more than point, her there.

And don't you DARE give her the 'cold shoulder' because you are not attracted to her........that will send her towards the comfort food ,and she will be that much further into feeling depressed.

[henrywat]

Nah, i'd never do that pasta! I tell her she is beautiful everyday. And i believe it myself.

I just hate seeing her so half-dead, and it broke my heart to see a 25yr old not able to walk about taking photos with a professional after 30mins cos she was 'too tired'.

Alarm bells rang then, and I have a right to be concerned cos I wanna help her get the bounce back

[4getmenot]

but only she can take that help if she really wants it

[Bbbananas]

what about encouraging her to go for a swim - with the incentive of a relaxing sauna / steam room / jacuzzi combo afterwards? Or even a massage if that service is provided at your gym.

I'm not a fan of exercise myself, especially in the winter, but I will make the effort to swim so long as I get the 'extras' afterwards.

[Lakitu]

That's gross, Mr. Bounty.

Henry, that doesn't sound like a problem with her weight causing that kind of problems. Her lethargy sounds like something else, but you id actually start your thread stating that pjysical attraction is important to you (as it is to most of us), which implies that you are no longer attracted to her. Then you say you think she is beautiful, can you understand why 'us women' are saying what we are?

[pastafreak]

If she is 'so tired' as you say she is...then maybe other factors are contributing to it? She could be slighty anemic.....diet can certainly improve that.

Hey everyone...I think henry is genuinely concerned about his gf's health....so maybe we could help him in that respect,instead of focusing on the words he used in his initial post........just a thought.

[Lakitu]

Being concerned about her because she's lethargic after a half hour walk is very different to wanting her to lose weight because he prefers her slimmer.

[4getmenot]

trimming down and looking slimmer is totally different

[Bbbananas]

I think we have got the initial 'jokes' out the way pasta - I hope Henry realises by now we weren't being abusive, just trying to make him see things from, say, his girlfriend's point of view.

For me - swim / steam room / sauna / jacuzzi / massage does the trick every time - and it always makes you feel good, which in turn makes you want to exercise more to get that euphoric feeling.

[joggerjayne]

This is tricky.

On Friday, a guy whi didn't look after himself posted a picture of his torso, and asked if it looked good. Here ...

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/B eauty/Question663736.html

Everyone said he looked gross, should look after himself, should go to the gym, etc.

But now, you are describing a girl who seems to be just the same.

Instead of saying Yes, she too should look after herself ...

... ABers are now saying you should like her for who she is !!!

Well, nobody told Ms Soft Belly that he shouldn't worry, and that people should like him for who he is.

Why the sudden reversal in opinions?

I say this as a compulsive exercise freak and gym rat, who knows that anyone can get themselves into a healthier condition with a bit of effort.

[joggerjayne]

That should have been "Mr" Soft Belly.

[MarzipanQ]

I can see what you're saying Henry - that you care deeply about her health and lifestyle etc but I'd dearly love to see a posting from your girlfriend! Perhaps she night say " I love him intensely but his addiction to the gym & continual harping about my choices is affecting our relationship. Please don't say I should love him how he is...." You really do have to give & take a little in a relationship/partnership/marriage - no one has the right to impose their will on another. If you can't then despite your feelings for each other it's not going to improve while one half feels aggrieved. Sorry if you don't like the reply but you did ask.

[MrBounty]

Obviously, guys can handle being told the truth about body image more than women (in general), which is probably the reason for the softly softly approach adopted by some folks.

I dont care who you are - if you're happy, great!

I know i wouldnt want some gym lover to pester me about losing weight!

[Bbbananas]

How about poking her in the stomach and calling her 'blubber tum'?

And before you say I'm being facetious - that's what my darling borfriend does to me. But he's right. But do I care? Nah - I just tell him to fcuk off.

(It does get to me a teeny weeny bit though, but he aint perfect either so I just point that out to him if he says it too much).

[jkkerr]

Hi Henry

I started reading all the replies to your post but was getting more and more angry so haven't read them all (apologies if I'm repeating what someone else has said).

I understand what you're saying and don't think you're being a bad boyfriend.

A lot of females get comfortable in a relationship and 'let themselves go' (for want of a better expression).

It's very difficult to broach this subject with a woman (even if she has realised that she's got a bit flabby....) but at least you are trying to do something about it in a sensitive manner (rather than giving up and heading off into the sunset with a skinner model).

I would suggest a) lots of sex (compliment her, reassure her and make sure she knows you desire her) and b) maybe a romantic walk as often as possible (taking pics along the way?).

Hope this helps.

[bms]

I haven't been in that situation, so its not a lot that I can say .
But its not good when its only ten percent of opinions that are constructive, the rest is like a joke. Ignore negative replies, and try and find some other sports that she might like (as said may be cycling, swimming). Next thing that might come up is that she'll be diabetic, and it will affect you. So you are right when you are trying to solve a problem before it occurs.

For men why its a joke not to have a six pack, and for women its okey to be obese (just a comment)?