Unhealthy girlfriend.

[henrywat]

My gf and I are both 25 and a year into the relationship. Thing is I love her very much and think she has a great character - but physical attraction is important to me, my girlfriend HATES the gym, doesnt like exercising, wont ever wanna go on a run, and 'is too tired after work to cook healthily' always finding excuses.

How can I get her to start trimming down and looking slimmer without being offensive?

Please, i dont want any replies saying 'you should love her how she is, whatever her size....'

[Bbbananas]

unhealthy girlfriend?

mmm.... unhealthy attitude, boyfriend.

[PatriciaH]

12/14 ? thats not a big size ! im a 14 and im not big even though im only 5" 3 in height .... whats her height? do you want a size 8 girlfreind then? what attracted you to her in the 1st place

[Doolallygirl]

All you can do is try....then give up! Don't hassle her about it, if she already feels bad about herself anyway and you are piping up about how you want her to do this that and the other, she will tire of it very quickly and possibly tire of you too!

[pastafreak]

How long has it taken her to gain that weight

And -what is her height in relation to that weight?? If she is in propertion for her height-then maybe she is getting too stressed over it...and you are not helping by putting the pressure of a negative image on her.

[Bbbananas]

Sgt Rock - and most women would prefer not to have an overweight boyfriend, or would prefer one with a huge appendage, deep pockets, and an enormous capacity for lurrve.... but we learn to live (and love) what we've got....

[MrBounty]

I think she needs to read this thread and reconsider her relationship with YOU, matey!!

I bet you'd be out on your ear if she did......

[4getmenot]

The way in which you are trying to cook for her and make her be healthy is controlling. If you just let her be she might just realise in the long run but she has to do it for herself. If you are then not happy with her size then you just arent meant to be and maybe you should find yourself someone that will let you control them. She's doing what she wants be glad she has a mind of her own.

[funnygirl]

They say plenty of shagging is a good exercise for weight loss!

Have you tried that????

[Sgt.Rock]

Quite agree salla. But they wouldn't have to miss out when I'm around :-)

[henrywat]

I have not, once, ever criticised her or told her she was fat/unattractive.

I'm not a bad boyfriend. I have given her support when she wanted to follow her dreams of being a photogrpaher by saving up and cutting my social life for 12 weeks to put money forward so she could go on a course to learn and get a camera.

I try and cook as often as possible, but I cant all the time, Im working double shifts to cover us because she was so so unhappy in her last job that I covered for her whilst she looked for a new one that would make her feel as good as i know she is (which she proved to herself by getting a good job).

Shes 5'1 and her weight has increased in last 7 months.

i'm not a bad boyfriend, and I didnt mean to send the womans' rights brigade into full flow, im just asking if there were ever any people out there who touched on the sensitive subject, and how they did it.

First thing i got was sara calling me a t-wat, how is that not abusive?!

[Bbbananas]

I also mis-read your name as henrytw@t.
Funny that.
I'm sure you're not Henry, but your post was rather offensive even if you didn't mean it to be.

Love her for what she is mate - there may come a day you begin to pork out a bit, or lose your hair, or have non-brewers' droopy moments - you will want her (or someone else) to still love you then won't you?

[MrBounty]

She said she thought there was an extra "t" in your username.....something i also had to double take at!

It's hardly the end of the world, is it?

[funnygirl]

Well you'd better not marry her then and have kids!!

Believe you me the weight will pile on!!!!

[Bbbananas]

sara didn't call you a tw@t, any more than I did. Three of us on here just initially mis-read your username, that;s all - we were joking Hen - not being abusive.

Lighten up man - oh no; it's your girlfriend you want to do that isn't it?!

[solitude]

I found myself in a similar situation with my first husband - he was naturally very slim and was a distance runner while loving healthy food. His attempts to help me "improve" myself and just "point out" how easy it would be for me to be more like him ended up causing years of grief for me. I tried everything, including starving myself. 20yrs later I have a history of eating disorders. I'm now comfortably overweight and happier with myself that I can ever remember being. I don't have any comment on how to handle your situation except to say that you should do it very very carefully - what you say isn't necessarily what she'll hear. Good luck to both of you.

[Sgt.Rock]

"and I didnt mean to send the womans' rights brigade into full flow",- You are in the wrong place then henry, they come down on you like a ton of bricks!!
(They are all very nice though really)

[Doolallygirl]

How about taking up dancing? That way it's fun, keeps her fit, fills your quota of "gym work", it's a recent craze esp with shows like SCD on telly etc?

[MrBounty]

Are they that close to all be in "full flow" at the same time??

:P

[henrywat]

ok. i dont know what to say, if I asked a genuine question,and explained why Im not a bad boyfriend to her, and supportive, and still get low jokes by sallabananas, and sara adding a 't', then perhaps I was wrong to submit a question onto answerbank hoping to get constructive feedback.

I didnt call anyone any names, yet reading over the answers and the replies you cant exactly claim they are 'arm over the shoulder' rather than slap on the face.

I came for advice, not abuse.

[ChuckFickens]

LOL @ MrBounty.

though have a slightly gross image in my mind now :0/