ever thought about it?

[dodedo]

my husband and i have a good relationship the best of freinds, but thats the problem ,friends, he sits in front of the tv watching rubbish i have no interest in,hardly ever makes conversation, never helps round the house even though we both go out to work and as for sex "what sex" the last time was sept last year, resently i met an old friend, hes single and a real nice guy, i think he wants more from me than just friends but the thought of an affair feels me with both excitment and dread, i need some love in my life What would you do?

[gman150]

I'm a bloke and I have been married for 2 years. It's never crossed my mind personally but if you do decide to go off with somebody else then make sure you end your current relationship first.

My father was a victim of deceit and it had a devastating effect on him. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Get your feelings out in the open and if he doesn't change then he is not for you.

Just don't go behind his back.

[zebra]

I think tell him in an indirect way, that you bumped into someone you knew from ages back and he has indicated he would like to know you more than just friends.

If you knew him before you were with your husband this is obviously better as there should be no trust issues etc. You obviously care for your husband and there could be hope, so depending on your relationship you could sit down and talk with him about it, but personally I would drop hints and then just watch him change, I bet he will suddenly wake up.

If that doesn't do anything, then you may have deeper problems which you will then have to decide what to do. But most times the wake up call does wonders!!!

Good Luck!

[tamborine]

Wait till hubby has dozed off......then jump him & have your wicked way - that's what he's there for! ;)

dont cheat - the harm is devastating and rarely repaired!

[zebra]

Sorry..... also agree totally with gman, no going behind his back, that will ruin anything you do have left.

[lil75]

You are obviously stable with your husband...the problem here is there is no affection or intimacy, which lets face it we all need! I wouldnt do the affair thing, yes it all sounds so exciting but will only lead to heartache...I would have a talk with your husband and tell him how your feeling, you never know he may be feeling the same way...ask yourself this, if the intimacy was in your relationship, would you still be thinking about having an affair? If the answer to that is no, then your relationship can be worked on...good luck!

[sqad617]

Excitement...............so necessary.

If he wants a celibate marriage then that is fine, but he cannot reasonably expect you to, if sex and excitement is what you need.

You only have one life and you are not the only one having affairs/mistresses/ lovers.

Go for it...be discreet but remember......there might be a price to pay.

[ummmm]

Although I would suggest you talk to him first and try and explain about how you feel. Don't know if you've already tried to but if you haven't it's not fair on hubby. He might change if you do. If he doesn't change then I wouldn't blame you.

[dodedo]

I'd like to thank eveyone who answered my question, I've done a lot of soul searching today and gman ur right, i've been married for 11yrs and worked so hard to get our home together, I think when push comes to shove i couldn't do it, not really, theres so much to lose, and i love the bones off my husband, I guess a meal out, some together time and show him what he's missing is in order THANKS GUY'S

[chattykathy]

There's a book available through Relate ( I think!) called, 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' which describes how long term relationships develop into this platonic state and what you can do about it. Please don't go for the affair - it makes you feel bad about yourself in the end. Sorting your marriage out will be so much more fulfilling, in my opinion. Good luck x