I have officially dumped him

[angel21]

I feel painfully sad :(

[angel21]

so did you have the same sort of mind games played with you? (if indeed thats what did happen or if it is my imagination)

[jno]

tbh angel, he does not sound mature at all. That business about babies sounds either spiteful or just stupid; either way he is hardly considering your feelings.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting a better standard of living for yourself, absolutely everyone is entitled to do this, and it's what most people spend their lives working towards. You are also allowed to ask yourself if he is going to help you do this. It's all part of considering whether he is really the man for you.

About him being older.... this is dodgy freudian territory, but are you feeling things for him that you might have felt about your father? That for instance he might do unkind things but it is your duty to put up with him because he is older and must have his interests put first? That losing him would be a terrible thing? I don't know anything about your relationship with your father, and perhaps it's irrelevant, but you might like to think about it.

[angel21]

Hey jno

With the baby situation when he took me over to his friends house and his friends partner was pregnant - maybe he just didn't realise how sad the abortion made me.

But then he could have asked.

I just feel I need him to be straight with me but he hasn't been but maybe I haven't made it clear enough what I want him to do and say.

There was this program on tv a few weeks back called trauma in the womb or something and he was looking like he was going to put it on. I said we are not watching that and he said I will watch what I want and I said well its not very considerate to me is it and he kind of rolled his eyes slightly as if I should be over abortion but then he didn't put it on.

[angel21]

I don't feel I have to put up with his crap because he is older. I don't see him like a father figure but I can see why you might have thought that.

[angel21]

Its horrible when you are distracted for a while and then you suddenly remember your life is never going to be the same again! :(

[Naomicorlett]

No sweetie it won't be the same ..it will be better. ( my son has just gone thro big break up so I sympathise with you)

[angel21]

:(

any tips for getting through tonight. Off home soon only it won't be back to exes tonight - it will be back to lonely room! :(

[lil123]

I think you are very brave and also a strong person for identifying a relationship that wasn't right for you.
I too have just ended a relationship that I was in 7 mths for a whole host of reasons. Before that I was married for nearly 20 years to a nasty abusive man and the reason I stayed was FEAR more of the unknown of what I would be like without him and you know what, it's great!!!
Time is the best healer.
You need to write down the reasons he is now your 'ex' and remember these when you are thinking of ringing him seeing him etc.
YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY AGAIN !! Believe me.
Reinvent yourself, be round people who you enjoy being with and in time you will meet someone right for you x
Be strong xxx

[angel21]

Thanks lil, well done for getting out of your bad relationships xx

Feeling a bit better today, kept myself occupied at the weekend, have been going to bed really late so that I don't lie awake thinking about him and went for a big long bike ride so I went to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow after that.

Feel sad that it ended but today I'm feeling more like I have done the right thing (still not 100%) but I have thought of a couple more reasons which make me think he didn't show me any respect so I think the fact that I am beginning to think it might have been the right decision is making me feel better. Its weird I almost feel too calm and fine today. I feel almost guilty for not feeling upset today. I'll just enjoy it in case it doesn't last.

Went for hypnotherapy on Sat - not really bf related - but to help me gain more confidence and overcome my fear of phoning people up at work etc. Think it was a load of crap though as I don't feel any better. Ahh if I could just get one area of my life working well. Don't know what else I can do about my lack of confidence I really don't apart from hope for the best. In the meantime its stopping me from progressing professionally you see and I need to be moving forward in at least one area of my life to help me overcome loss of relationship. Wasted �160 when I could probs have bought a book for a fiver on self hypnosis!!

[yogi.bear]

Hi angel xxx

Step in the right direction, sweetheart.
What you're feeling shows that deep down you know you've made the right decision for YOU!
Sorry to hear about your wasted �160, though.....i would have done it for a quarter of that...LOL ........free really!

You deserve better, angel.....and now you will hopefully find it.....now you've made the decision, don't back down on it as you will back to where you were....in an unhappy and unstable relationship going knowwhere! and he will always treat you badly and with no respect....leopard cannot change it's spots!
I wish you lots of luck, as you know i always have, and here's to your lovely future.....enjoy yourself, lovely!
if you need a chat....just post!

love the bear xxx

:0)

[angel21]

I do hope we can stay in touch though and I do think about texting him. I've decided if I want to text him I will and if I want to discuss what went wrong to get things more clear in my mind I will whether he likes it or not.

Yeah �160 lot of money down the drain but hey I was desperate to get more confidence and at least it was me trying ways to do this.

Cheers yogi xxx

[yogi.bear]

No probs, angel xx

if you do text him....dont fall for any.....'i'll change and treat you better in future' bullcrap, 'cause he will for a few days, then get back into his bad routine, when he knows he's gotcha!

Right thats lunch.....bit of fish and chips, i think, ......nice and fresh from the seafront!
Have a great day, angel

the bear xx

:0)

[CAJ1]

Hi angel,

I'm sooo pleased you managed the whole weekend without giving up! :o) Well done, I'm sure it was hard but each day will get easier now I promise. Sounds like you kept busy and got a bit of exercise which is good. I was thinking about you at the weekend and wanted to mention reflexology to you. Have you ever tried it? Although it won't cure your problems it can be very relaxing and can help balance out emotions - cost roughly �25 - �35. Just a thought.

I agree with yogi - definitly do not allow yourself to be talked in to returning if you do text/talk to your ex. You may find he resorts to anything to try to get you back and may talk a whole lot of crap to get you to return. Then once you do, it will be back to the same old thing. So keep your chin up, be brave and know we're here for you chick xxx

[angel21]

Thanks so much CAJ1. You lot are all so nice on here!

Don't know what I would do without you xxx

Will give the reflexology a go then. Might have to wait til next month now but I'm willing to try anything.

Shame I'm banned cus this won't show up for a while.

[Naomicorlett]

Just wanted to say Hi to you and send you a hug. Look after yourself... my son seems much better after his breakup...he tried holistic counselling but said he could sit in his room and look up his own ar*e if he wanted to without us spending money for him to do it. You have the right idea in getting lots of exercise it releases seratonin the natural happiness chemical. ((( hug)))

[angel21]

Hi Naomi, I don't know if this will show up or if I am banned. Its so nice people are bothering to come back here and post.

I have been a little stalkerish I keep driving round at a time of day when I think I might see him and sometimes drive past his house to see if his cars there. I have to stop this I know. I have been doing a lot of driving and wasting petrol as I can't sit at home with nothing to do if theres nothing on telly.

Oh and I did text him 8 messages last night - just repeating my reasons and adding things that I had forgotten to say like I hope his ball operation goes ok etc.

I am ok though. Taking each day as it comes.

Helps a lot knowing you lot are here for me xxx

[angel21]

Yes exercise is definitely good and I know what you're son means about the counselling - i have had it and I didn't find it very helpful tbh. At the end of the day whatever they say or whatever they reveal about why you are a certain way etc. its still you that has to change you and you can just sit and reflect at home for free. Sorry to hear about your sons break up but glad to hear he seems to be bearing up. Hope things work out the way he wants them to xxx

[Naomicorlett]

Hi Angel......OK harsh words here......STOP TEXTING ...you are picking at a scab and it wont heal if you keep doing that!! Driving round is not a good idea as again you are making yourself a victim. Do things for yourself , you mentioned biking that's good . Can you go for a hard walk with a girlfriend ? Any form of exercise ,as I said,is good.
Look after yourself Angel . (( hug))

[angel21]

I just don't want things left unsaid so I told him I would text him if I thought of anything else to say. It might sound selfish but he has hurt me in the past so I'm not too bothered if he doesn't like me texting him - minor to the upset he has caused me.

I hope we can stay in touch eventually. Just from time to time would be nice.

Really can't comprehend the idea of never seeing him again or not having him in my life at all.

xxx