Are all men like this???

[shanilisa]

I am becoming increasingly disillusioned with men. I met a lovely guy at our local medical centre - both of us were taking our children to the same doctor and got chatting. He sent me a text the next day and over the next couple of weeks we chatted and mailed. He said he was divorced with one child. We eventually went out for dinner to a lovely restaurant and had a great evening. Chatted over the weekend, then on the Monday he says "he needs to talk to me face to face" - guess what?? Yes, he is still married and living in the same house as his wife. I told him to get lost. I think that I am also feeling stupid for falling for his charm. Having come from a relationship where my husband cheated on me, one would think I would have realised that this guy was still married.

[shanilisa]

I did ask the questions - I was fully aware that he had a child as that is how we met. I asked how long had he been divorced, where did he live, what did he do, when did he see his son...all were answered very easily and comfortably.

I get that men look for a sexual relationship - lucky he did not get that from me.

[shanilisa]

and wish we had that www.192.com thing here in South Africa...how handy!

[Mr Veritas]

Sadly,many many women are very trusting,honest,& open,and the dishonest untrustworthy men seem to have a radar that picks up on this.
Move on,but don't let it put you off finding a guy.
Remember:~
"You have to kiss a few frogs before you find a Prince!" LOL

http://www.artie.com/valentines_day/arg-frog-p rince-131x131-url.gif

[China Doll]

Well that's like asking if all blondes are orange skinned, not that bright and common just because you've seen Jordan or Paris Hilton etc... Some are, not all, (and if my sister is reading this then I'll leave it to you to gues which one you fall under Blondie).

[Booldawg]

Still being married and living with his wife isnt always as black and white as it seems.

When I split up with my wife we werent in a financial situation to live apart or get divorced straight away. Even though we lived totally separate lives we saw other people but still lived under the same roof and were still legally married. Not and easy situation to be in 100% of the time but thats the way it was.

Did you discover what the situation is with him and his wife? Maybe they're just in the same house for the sake of their child but arent together in every sense of the word.

[shanilisa]

he says to me that they don't have a relationship and live separate lives. When I asked him if he would take a call when with her, he said that she would go nuts - that leads me to the conclusion that it is not as "dead" a marriage as he makes it out to be.
If you are staying together purely for financial reasons or the kids and it is an open topic, then surely seeing someone else would not cause the other spouse to go nuts?

[China Doll]

If I was living in a house with my estranged husband and children, I wouldn't exactly be jumping for joy at the prospect of watching him finding love again, slightly too much salt on an unhealed wound I suspect. Even if it is as Booldawg suggests it could be, the situation is too complicated at the moment and I'd steer well clear.

[Booldawg]

fair point, at least you asked the question. Sounds like a nightmare to get involved in. He shouldnt be openly trying to embark on relationships with other women if his wife will react like that.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape by being sensible tbh.

[shanilisa]

I agree China. I am also not prepared to be the person on the side - I won't do that to someone else.
Like I said in my post, I told him to get lost.

Turns out his wife and I have a mutual friend - now he is really nervous. Lol

[zzxxee]

they are not all bad you just have to set your standards high and value yourself more the right man will come along eventually babe x

[shanilisa]

think you are right there. Next time I might get my police friends to do a background check before accepting a dinner invitation! LOL

[logic]

Well at last,SQAD talks sense,:-)

[Davethedog]

One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch, girl.
Oh, give it one more try before you give up on love.
One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch girl.
Oh, I don't care what they say,
I don't care what you heard.

[shanilisa]

thanks everyone. Had an interesting conversation with his wife on Friday afternoon - she called after our mutual friend spoke to her. What a nice woman. He even called and asked me to deny everything to her. Pity I was not prepared to do that. Oh yes and there is not just one child, there are two - what a gem!

[Marijn]

Lucky you found out sooner rather than later that he was a lying cheat.
You will find someone nice eventually, there are some good men.

[reception]

shanilisa
Most men see us a a new game, once they have a wife st home they do want some one else aswell, sex gets borring with the wife. I am sorry but its all about sex, they love the woman indoors but not the sex.
most married men do the same thing, its difficult to tell if the guy is honest or not, its not writen on there forehead and we are not mind readers.
we women become the victims every time.

move on.ignore him and pretend it never happened, you will get over this. his wife won't if she ever found out!!!!!!

[sqad617]

reception.....beautifully said.

[shanilisa]

she did find out. We have a mutual friend who told her. I think that she is going to stick with him. I am over it.