advice needed please

[tinkerbell99]

hi, Ive been with my fiance for three years and i love him to bits, we have a baby together and I'm pregnant again and i have an 8yr old from a previous relationship. What i need advice on is that he never helps me care for our baby, i have to argue with him just to feed him and change his nappies. Hes in the army but hes based only an hour away so hes home on weekends, and also its never just us there's always people there, i don't mind every other weekend but i feel i never see him and I'm just a part of the furniture, sometimes i wonder why hes home at all. I feel he only wants me when hes after something, hes either working on his car or looking on E bay. Ive tried talking to him and he says things will change but they never do. I'm not asking for much just time alone and help caring for our son.
Any advice welcome
xxxxxxx

[andy-hughes]

Some men simply don't believe that child-rearing is part of their responsibilities. They see their role as provider, the 'man' of the house, and anything related to the domestic scene - including children - is the 'woman's job'.

Of course, this is not acceptable, and you need to have a serious talk with your partner.

Try finding neutral ground - a restauarant over dinner is good, prevents raised voices!

Explain to him that you are a couple, and you worry that he is missing out on your children's development - this will avoid the viewpoint of criticism, which will simply send him into a sulk.

Best case scenario is he is simply following the pattern he learned from his faher, or his colleagues, but that doesn't help you. Just because he is a soldier does not mean he can exempt himself from family life.

Have a good talk - reassure him that you love him and see your future together, but that he is missing a seriously enjoyable part of life with youo and the children - and let us know how you get on.

Good luck.

[tinkerbell99]

really good advice thank you, will do that when hes home and hopefully he will be more hands on with him. When he was first born he was all over him and doing everything for him, it seems like the novelty has worn off, hopefully this talk will change things and hell put his priorities right xxx

[TTG]

Failing the previous answer, don't show any physical affection towards your fiance. He will soon get the message.

[tamborine]

tinkerbell99...men's paternal habits come from their rearing - blame his mum if he's not up to your needs. Lots of mums rear babes alone; dads can be a liability around a newborn as they feel inadequate and nervous.

Give him time to adjust to his baby.....be patient and teach him. Mother's have instincts that some fathers can only learn.