do most couple go through this?

[lotsafun]

hi all, im so confused at the moment, my relationship with my partner is going through a rocky patch and i dont know if i even want to bother trying anymore or not. We had a heart to heart a couple of weeks ago after a blazing row but even though he said there would be change, i find that nothing really has changed. Our sex life is non existant (no sex in a year, and only once since our kiss and make up) and even then i felt like the only thing missing from it was him handing me a few notes at the end of it. I felt totally used, he paid me absolutley no attention and i done all the work, And he wonders why i never want to do it with him???? He has told me that he will never marry me, not because he doesnt love me, just that he doesnt 'believe' in it, was dissapointed with his desicion but ive accepted it as i knew it was iether that or walk away. I sometimes feel that although i love him i feel were more than friends than anything. I resent the fact that he doesnt help me out around the house, hes always negetive about anything i want to do and hes stubborn, he wont accept that he needs to sort himself out too. but despite all the bad points im making about him he is a good man, hes great with the kids, he supports us all finacially and he would never cheat on me, hes extremely good looking and i fancy the pants off him. he makes me laugh as well as cry and he generally a good guy.
has anyone got any advice, i feel like i want to cry :-(

[ummmm]

If you fancy the pants off him why aren't you having more sex?

Sex makes you happier....it's a fact.

[lotsafun]

ive just lost intrest now i think, we kiss and cuddle but thats about it. when there is bedroom action it same old same old. I get absolutley nothing out of it, i perform the foreplay (sometimes he dont even take his eyes off the telly), i do all the work and when hes done he goes to sleep. Like i said the only thing missing is him handing me a few notes at the end of it. I dont want to sound cocky but ive never had this issue with previous partners..
ive tried to spice things up before and still ended up frustrated yet when i bring this up to him he says that IM the one whos lost interest

[bobjugs12]

Have you tried relate? They may be able to help. You can either see them together, or just go alone.
Talking face-to-face with someone may really help

[ummmm]

First of all....turn the telly off.

Same old same old....go out and get some sex toys. Are you confident in telling him what you want?

At least you kiss and cuddle which is a good sign. And yes, I do think couples go through things like this. You have to (both) make an effort to change it.

How long have you been together?

[bobjugs12]

The sex toys is a good idea. Try also introducing some variety.

Next time it's just the two of you in the car, try getting a bit 'naughty' if you know what i mean. Or if your in a pub drag him off to the loo's. Go crazy and show him what he's been missing

[Sqad]

ummmm..LOL...ginger is a lucky guy.

[ummmm]

lol....and I remind him daily :-)

[redman41]

Blindfold him,Tip Toe out of the room and go and fetch next door neighbours wife to give him a good going over.
Failing that call for Squad !

[bobjugs12]

Alternitively, invite your sister over




PS that was a light-hearted joke. I wouldn't want to see my sister naked..........

[tamborine]

time for withdrawal......don't give him sex - if he doesn't miss it then he's not interested in you.

[ummmm]

Sex is not a weapon.....

[society]

Get him drunk and rape him.

[lotsafun]

lol to some of the above answers. weve only been together 5 years i didnt think it would go this stale so early on :-(
im gonna do the works tonight, candles, sexy underwear, toys, viagra, the lot and if this doesnt work then the sh!#s gonna hit the fan cause im not putting up with this anymore lol.

[ummmm]

5 years is a long time.

Enough time for people to get complacent.....

Sex is a habit....the more you get it the more you want it. Keep making an effort and I'm sure he'll start making his move soon...

If I lit candles my OH would laugh at me....

[ayabrea38]

Maybe he is depressed about something.Any chance he will have another heart to heart?Be gentle with him,male pride is worse than the female hormone anyday.The way you say he is negative about everything and lethargic around the house could point to depression.I had a friend who felt just like you,and gently she got him to admit he was finding life a bit much.Admitting that in itself made him feel better and he tried anti depressants.Waiting to see how that goes,but they are closer and he knows its ok to admit feelings.
Men.Carnt live with em,but love em to death!

[Androcles]

If that's your plan, Lotsafun, even if he doesn't want you , you could end up with a queue!

Seriously though, this sounds to me like it is not about sex - this is about the basis of your relationship. You really do need some help to get to what this is really about. Have you asked him what he wants really out of the relationship - he is clearly doing a lot of the things many women would be delighted to see in terms of taking some responsibility for his family, but why is he holding back from you? Time for a real talk, hard though it may be - you cannot continue, if it is upsetting you so much, without doing something.

[Booldawg]

Thats why men always have weird time consuming hobbies, to take their minds off their sexless marriages.

[Eve]

Reading over the good points...

he is a good man

hes great with the kids

he supports us all finacially

he would never cheat on me

hes extremely good looking and i fancy the pants off him

he makes me laugh

he generally a good guy

Doesn't sound like the love of you life, more a decent guy who you want to hang on to as he is a decent guy and it doesn't sound like he is particularly happy, more you are muddling along together, not particularly happy but making do rather than the alternative. The amount of bad points are more worrying though.

There are plenty more decent guys out there without all the bad points.

Definitely give it a go in making things better but might be one you both need to walk away from.

[TTG]

No sex in year....is that just you going without?

[askyourgran]

Doesn't look as though he's going to change at all, can you put up with this one-sided affair for the rest of your life with no sex either? If he is as you say extremely good looking are you sure he isn't playing away, the no sex, no marriage part suggests that.. I'd get out of this while you are young enough to do it. It might be the wake up call he needs, If he doesn't make an effort then he's not worth it,