Relationship Over?

[H-S]

How do you know when a long term relationship is over and it's not just a bad patch or if that person is someone you should be with for the rest of your life. Obviously things aren't as exciting as when you first get together and you settle into a routine after being together for years but when does it go so far that it means your just like friends really.

It's even more difficult because this is the first serious relationship so never broken up with someone seriously before so not sure of the signs of when the relationship isn't right.

[ummmm]

Do you love him/her?

That's the starting point...

[China Doll]

Generally if you or the person involved are getting more sadness than joy from the relationship then it's time to take some action. You make the decision whether you want to work at or not and if not then decsion pretty much made.

Or toss a coin, heads you stay, tails you don't... If it comes up as tails and you immediately wish it was heads then go with heads.

[H-S]

Yes of course after being together so long, but I don't know whether that's just love after being together so long or actually being in love with that person for the rest of my life. The passion etc seems to have gone and replaced with bickering so not sure whether it's a bad patch or something more serious. And not sure whether trying to 'make an effort' to get the passion back is the right thing to do, after all should you have to 'make an effort' to be like that with someone, shouldn;t it be natural if it's right and not an effort at all.

[H-S]

We don't argue or bicker all the time and so for the majority of the time we're ok, but just ok, like I said not much passion or anything anymore, so is that just what happens and I have to live with it and get used to it or is that a sign that it's not working out anymore?

[China Doll]

Of course it shouldn't just be natural... Relationships and sex are like anything else, they require work and change and a bit of va-va voom sometimes. You can't expect it to be the same all the time.

[Androcles]

You do need to be friends, too, it's not a bad thing! But we have a saying about doing some of those things that make the other one feel special - we call it marriage maintenance, where you think about the relationship and try and introduce something different and as China Doll says, a bit of VaVa Voom! Relationships really do need work, they don't just happen.

[Eve]

I'm with the work thing as well, you can't just muddle along and hope everything will just happen. In an ideal world then love would conqueur all but unfortunately life tends to get in the way.

I agree friends is a good thing and think relationships should be based on a strong friendship in the first place. Look at very long lasting relationships, do you think most of the couples in their elderly years are jumping on each other every two minutes?

I think relationships are very much what people make them and what matters to each person is different which is where the common ground and sometimes compromise comes it.

If there is love and respect over and above the friendship there is definitely something worth working to save. It might not work but you can never say you didn't try.

A lot will depend on how your partner feels as both of you count in this?

Maybe you need to communicate a bit more?

[pizza]

Hi am not sure of your age or sex or how long you have been in the relationship x
I married very briefly in my 20's and knew it wasnt right from the from the start so moved on, I have had two long term reletionships over the where we got complacent and stopped making the effort and drifted along because it was easier than making the split x my advice to anyone when you are questioning the relationship is it has run its course and lifes to short to settle for second best x

Also once doubts and niggles get in the way its time to move on amicably before the bickering turns into hate x

I wish you well and just be true to yourself x

[confused]

Only you can decide what you what to do and what you think is best for you at the end of the day you have to live with your choice!

I know it sounds silly but make a list of all the good and bad points in your relationship then make a list of the positives/negatives of staying with your partner and splitting up

All i would say is take your time dont just walk away coz things are not exciting - unfortunatly when youre in serious relationship you tend to get stuck in routine and can become boring - you need to bring some spice back in every now and again in which ever way you can both enjoy!

Relationships and love are not easy, but definatly worth the effort in my opinion!

Good luck with your future whatever you decide x

[Nodnol]

You probably already have a feeling that its not going anywere as you have posed this question in the first place. I think you kind of just know that things have changed too much and its not really giving you what it once did. But then again, some people stay together for life so there has to be a point for all couples where you really have to work at it. I often think that people who are life long partners have probably more of a friendship r'ship than a romantic one. Its impossible to keep that level of excitement up forever, so somewhere along the line you have to make a choice/compromise.
I was in a relationship for 3 years and it got to the point where we were more like best friends than a couple and my gf finished it which still sucks bigtime.
You really have to decide if by splitting up and a few years down the line, are you going too feel the same with someone else and want to move on again. Comes a point where you kind of have to make do i guess.