should i stay or should i go?

[debsly]

my partner and i have been together for 5 years and been living together for 3 and half years.i have recently found he has been texting and ringing another woman who has met through work.she works in a cafe where he was going to for lunch while he was working in the area.its about 40 miles from where we live. i dont think he has slept with her (no opportunity) he has said he is sorry and loves me (which i know he does) i think he may be flattered from the attention and find it exciting even though i know nothing will come of it, it's driving me crazy.the weird thing is though that only the week before he first texted her he asked me to marry him,i said yes buy now obviously thats on hold.he is 56 and im 39 and up until now we have been really happy,hardly argue and have a great life together (holidays etc) any advice would be greatly recieved especially from men so i can understand the male view.

[debsly]

no not like tiger woods,he cant play golf!!

[karenmac60]

Has he panicked over the proposal? Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing and given that you accepted and previous relationships haven't worked out he has taken cold feet and is acting out. You need to sit down and get to the bottom of why this has happened then figure out what you want. Only you can decide if you can deal with this or not.

[4getmenot]

At the end of the day I think you will stay with him no matter what gets said on here, just make sure you keep him on his toes

[debsly]

i think you are right boxtops maybe i should make him chase me a bit more,treat him mean, keep him keen!

[debsly]

i think he did panick thats why ive told him to forget about the engagement for now,im not bothered about getting married ive told him i just want to be happy and for him to stay faithfull i said if he doesnt want to be with me and only me then we should go our seperate ways but he said he does want to be with me

[carmalee]

debsly you're on a hiding to nothing - smooth talkers have a way of bending the truth - be completely honest with yourself and take on board what is happening, not what you would like to happen. If you can honestly say you completely trust him (and completely is the key word here ) and feel totally confident he has changed then there's no worries. Frankly I don't see it and you clearly have doubts because it's 'driving you crazy' - do you really want to live like that? Don't compromise your self respect.

[debsly]

i know what you are saying carmalee to be honest after what i went through with my ex husband i dont think i would trust any man ever and i know thats something i have to live with.im not a soft touch anymore because of that i toughened up alot when we split,

[ummmm]

The problem is him not telling you...not the texting. If it was innocent he would have told you.

[carmalee]

I really wish you well debsly but can't see a happy ending. if it helps you at all, I got divorced a thousand years ago when I was much older than you are now. -About fifteen years ago I met my present partner and we've enjoyed a completely honest and happy relationship since - I promise you a relationship based on trust and respect beats suspicion and doubt any time. You are better off on your own than living with consatant doubts. Please don't think I'm encouraging you to break up, all I'm doing is showing you there's an alternative.

[Eve]

Could you trust him now?

Was he open about his previous cheating? If doubt it, he seems to be rather practiced at the whole thing.

If he had met you and you were so different then why cheat again?

Who left who in his previous relationships? Did he ever go off with anyone he cheated on?

[brenda]

Think you are on a hiding to nothing with Mr Nice Guy .He is really a cheating scum bag. Maybe he is unable to help his philandering ways, but you are going to get hurt in this relationship.Move on -- he is not worth you.

[woofgang]

I think in your heart you know....You wouldn't be asking on here if you should walk if you hadn't seriously thought about it. You are worth more than this.

[rowanwitch]

He goes you stay....

Break his texting fingers first and insert his phone where the sun never shines...

Seriously though mr midlife crisis is not a good bet at the moment.... relationship counselling can help if it only gives you a chance to get things into perspective... You may still decide to end it but you will walk away knowing you tried.

Also one day you may find a really lovely trustworthy person and you might miss them if you were tied up with the current one

[Canary42]

Two-timing Little Bustard. Dump him.