This may ruffle a few parent's feathers but its not meant to!

[clipclop1]

My question is for all you parents out there..

Im seriously considering not ever having children, im not 100% on this, maybe about 80% and was hoping some of you could shed some light on the amazing aspects of having children.

From my observations (and im in a position where I have met and observed a LOT of perants over the years) and especially in this economy, it seems that to have children (unless you are very well off) only creates more financial difficulties, stress and strain, hence lots of marriages breaking up and families having to scrimp and save after busting their backsides at their full time job.
To add to this, many children these days are problematic, an issue mainly caused by mis-guided parenting skills but even those children brought up correctly can easily get these good manners wiped out by the peer groups they mix with at school.
Bumping into parents/friends during the summer/xmas holidays I was forever hearing the phrase, 'Oh I can't wait for school to open again because they've got me demented!'.

So, to summarise, this question is really not to meant to get people's back's up, its purely because this is an extremely awkward topic to talk about face to face with parents and I would really like some positive feedback to help whatever decision I may make in the near future! :/

[B00]

No really owt to discuss is there? Unless you want the rest of us to try to persuade you to have children? And the pros of having them?

I personally think though, that if you don't want children, then don't! Enjoy the freedom that not having kids will entail :-)

[sherrardk]

Hi clipclop1. I seriously wasn't going to have any children but obviously changed my mind. I hate when the school holidays are over as they are such good company and are relly funny. Yes, it can be demanding and tiring but for me the positives far outweigh the negatives (I am not bragging but my children are generally well behaved and are very polite and this has just be achieved by being consistent with them since they were little - the youngest ones even say thank you when they are poorly and they have just been given medicine). My life would be a hollow shell if it weren't for the children (but it would probably have gone a different route if we hadn't had them so I would probably socialise, etc).

[clipclop1]

Thanks Guys,

Yeah Iv definately heard way too much negative stuff which was why I was hoping some people could tell me some lovely stuff too! :)
But you are right, its what you dont see that counts, everyone loves a good whinge don't they? lol

[sherrardk]

Hi clipclop1, if you do decide to have children, the first time you hold your own you will completely understand why people have children.

[EcclesCake]

Sherrard, that is a beautiful image. I don't have children half from choice and half from circumstance. I deeply envy what that feeling/emotion of holding your new born child. Not sure I envy the next 20 odd yrs though....

[ganesh]

Such a personal decision and no-one can ever really help that one.I had kids a bit later (well into 30s) and I was very much like you,and I didn't like kids,and never wanted them (and yes they ARE a huge financial drain).I then all of a sudden REALLY wanted a baby,guess it was biological,and I changed my mind overnight.Ended up having two and I definitely don't regret it,though most parents will admit it isn't always a bed of roses.We parents always moan about them but we love them,even though most of us aren't always as you say good at parenting skills. I can honestly say I love being a mum.
You will know if and when the time is right and financial or social reasons will play no part.

[ummmm]

The best way to get pregnant is by accident.

I don't mean that in a bad way but if we all sat back and thought about it we'd never have one.

I do love my little accident though :-)

[China Doll]

I don't really understand why it's any sort of problem if you don't want kids (unless there's a cultural element), it's a choice, even if you have a 'whoopsie' you do still actually have a choice about whether to keep it or not. I think it's more of a problem if you chose to have kids and find you can't.

If you don't want 'em then don't have 'em, I think it's probably as easy and as hard as that.

[missprim]

Nobody can decide for you whether or not you have children but I sometimes wonder if it's pot luck with what you get!
Like sherrard I was lucky to have 3 fantastic daughters who I've always been proud of and who have never caused me any problems so I have loved being a Mum and now a Nanna, but if I had not been so lucky and had diffiult children I would probably be screaming NO don't do it.
If you like children and think you would make a good mum then go with your instincts.

[owdhamer]

mrs owd and myself married at 40 and decided against ,we have never regretted it

[sherrardk]

If I had had thing 1 first (she is a bit 'wild') I doubt I would have gone on to have more (she has been treated the same as the others but seems to be wild by nature, not nurture).

[nungate]

I've had my "little accident" for 23 years and my life would be so much poorer without her. True it has been financially hard at times, but it's been fun guiding her and she now looks on me as a friend but knows that I'll always be Mum, and will be there for her no matter what, can you believe she still takes my hand to cross the road! How a child is raised determines their behaviour, if proper boundaries are set, and understood that bad behaviour and bad manners will not be tolerated then the parents are in charge and not the child. The choice is yours, don't let your decision be clouded by the behaviour of other people's children.

[NOX]

I have a lot of children, and they have been totally without exception worth it- in fact they have at times been the only thing that has kept me sane. Treated with respect and gentleness a kid will never disappoint you as long as you realise that they are their own person with their own thoughts, needs and decisions to make. If you guide them and craft them well no amount of peer pressure will destroy that and as sherrard said there is nothing in the world to compare to the feeling of when your newborn gazes at you and curls it's little hand around your finger. Children are our immortality, our chance also to leave something truly great and meaningful behind- and for me the thought of not having them would be truly terrible.

[Old_Geezer]

I suspect kids are 'a pain in the bottom' a lot of the time, but there will be times you are proud of them (hopefully) and the cost to you in terms of just about everything may be worthwhile when you have a supportive family around you as you get older. Just try not to overpopulate the globe, as apparently a decent lifestyle requires a mere third of the present global population, or alternatively 2 more uncolonised worlds providing additional resources.

[clipclop1]

Thank you everyone, these are the type of answers I just really wanted to read so I can weigh up some options coz its driving me mad and playing on my mind! :) x

[Kassee]

Well if you need to write on answerbank about what decision to make - my guess is DON'T HAVE ANY CHILDREN. Personally, I wanted children so badly nothing, absolutely nothing in the world would have convinced me otherwise. Luckily hubby (at the time) felt the same. There has never been one second of one day when I have ever felt I made the wrong decision. Yes, it is hard work and obviously money is tight, I had four children, and am now a Granny, and consider myself very fortunate. I have a lovely family and life without them would be meaningless.

As for parents at the school gate, saying they cant wait for school to re-open - why that is just banter. Watch those same parents if there was an incident in the school - fire/accident/catastrophe - whilst their precious children were inside and you might witness what they really feel for their children.


Life without children would be meaningless

[craft1948]

I have one child (accidentally) and I love her to bits..................my sister decided not to have any children and is very happy with her life.

[DaisyNonna]

clipclop.
I would feel sorry for any chidren you had as you seem to be so egocentric.