family photos

[delta733]

My partner and i are going to get family photos taken next week. his brother and sister are also going to get pictures of their familys. My partners mother wants a pic of all the granchildren the problem is that my eldest son who lives with us is not my partners son. So the mother has asked for some photos to be taken with in her words only the biological granchildren. I spoke to her about it say as my son will be there i feel he would be hurt esp as he calls her gran and she puts gran on his birthday and xmas cards but she feels that she is doing nothing wrong by asking for this. Although i dont agree, to keep the peace i offered to have photos with my partners two children who live with their mum and our son another time when the eldest is not there. Am i being unfair? I find it really difficult to get over it as i dont want my boys treated differently. She is also adopted so just because someone is not biologically related she should know they are no less part of the family

[ummmm]

Good idea lotsafun.....

[lotsafun]

i think as long as your partner is supporting you on the matter, then let her get on with it, shes ther one causing all the upset and shes the one whos making herself look the idiot. She should be damn well ashamed of herself. Stick to your guns!!!!!!

[Bbbananas]

You are not being unfair - your partner's mother is being very insensitive, to put it the most kindly.

All children or no children. You are all family. Stick to your guns delta, as lotsafun just said x

[kia cat]

As everyone else says, stick to your guns

[brenda]

If your son has been used to calling this person Gran , then please think very carefully about telling him not to do so in the future.This will involve him in the disagreement and make him aware that he is not in the same position as the other children.I know you are very upset by the events which have unfolded, but please try very hard not to involve your son.Let him carry on with the name Gran if he wants to do so,to re-inforce for him that he is part of the family as a whole.I realise that the issue has, rightly, made you hurt and angry, but there may well come a time when he chooses not to call her Gran.
He is very young to fully understand the workings of people in a family unit, so although it goes against the grain with you at the moment , you may be wise for his sake to let things ride , and let him address her in the way he is used to,if he so wishes.The very best of luck.

[k8bailey]

Wow thats terrible, your son should be in all the family photos, if she doesn't want whats on offer then thats her loss! Don't let her dictate and don't back down, your definitely in the right about this.

[jcamacd]

I can't believe this 'Gran's' attitude. We have 3 fantastic 'biological' grandchildren and 2 equally fantastic step grand children. We treat them all the same. How can this woman make one child an outsider? When I read this I was furious! I hate mothers who try to prove that they are the most important person in their sad little lives by black mailing them with the whine 'after all I did for you etc'. We do everything we can for our kids, out of love not for reward. Tell this woman to grow up! Your partner must back you up if he wants respect, or is he happy to be a mummy's boy at his age?

[jcamacd]

I was furious when I read this. I have 3 'biological' grandchildren an 2 step-grandchildren ( I hate the 'step' word) whom I love equally. I also strongly dislike women who want their sons to prove that mummy will always be the most important woman in their lives and to be grateful for everything they got from this sweet, loving person (I think not!!!!). Our kids do not owe us anything, we owe them so much. Don't give in to this woman. She is driving a wedge in the family by her disgusting behaviour.

[joko]

i would understand if he had come into her life as say a 15 yr old and they had never got on etc...but it seems he was very small and she treated him like a gran should...just shows doesnt how some people will always go with 'bloods thicker than water' no matter what...awful