Reins For A 4 Year Old

[numnum]

Can anyone recommend a set of reins for a 4 year old escapee?

We've persevered for years with his escaping and tried them before but he just ended up in a tangle with his tantrums. Hoping now as he's older, even though still no change in behavior that the Reins will be something we can use on those days where we just know he's going to use every opportunity to run away

[2sp_]

Good luck, numnum. It can't be easy having a child that exhibits behaviour outside the "norm", people do judge when they see an older child in reins and make assumptions about your parenting skills.

You are quite right though, better to be safe than sorry.

[Mamyalynne]

You are doing all the right things like keeping a diary etc, not at all an uncommon trait in an Autistic child, my eldest Grandson would react to stress in two ways, either flail around wildly or run for the hills.

He would sometimes be found back at the car in the car park and would say 'It's quieter here' - now he is 10 he could hold seminars on what it feels like inside but not all youngsters can voice it.

I wish you lots of luck, good people taking you seriously and you will get there.

[dunnitall]

Joe makes a valid point, as with every child, who is in charge? The parent or guardian should be at all times. In my day children never ran riot over their elders, so why now, what has changed? Personally I think parental control is lacking and half the children today would have been brought under control with good old fashioned parental control, showing that the child is not the one who gets the bette of an adult, more should be focused on proper upbringing and not oussy-footing around children today.

[2sp_]

I don't know if these would be of any use -

http://www.ableneeds.co.uk/getting-around/harnesses-and-reins.html

(When you click on the link to the website it says that they are out of stock, but you could give them a ring?)

[dunnitall]

*pussy-footing

[Mamyalynne]

dunnitall, whilst I agree that there are simply some children who rebel, one needs to be sure whether what the child is feeling is simple rebellion or a true panic.

[dunnitall]

Lynne yes, but how does one tell the difference....are experts confident that they can in today's way of defining medical cases? Why is this more to the front now than years ago, it seems ADHD et al could be the "explain all" for bad behaviour or parental lack of knowledge in bringing up children, just a shame children have to be the centre of this when "proper bringing up" might have prevented it in the first place. IMO

[woofgang]

joeluke that's not helpful. This lady has enough problems without idiots like you sounding off.

[Mamyalynne]

I have very little knowledge of ADHD and it's associated disorders and am no expert and as with anyhting the wrong diagnosis may be reached, even by experts in the field.

I do however have first hand and very close knowledge of Autism which is a very broad spectrum, and believe me you don't need a test as such - when you spend hours with a child you just know how extraordinarily special they are. You spot the signs , the triggers, whether it be a smell a particular pitch of sound whatever (different for each person, though there are some commonalities).

Plus our Golden boys are so very articulate, they will tell you what it feels like within them, I feel proud and privileged that they were born into our family.

[dunnitall]

Woofgang, why pick on Joelle, his opinion is as valid as anyone else's why call him an idiot for voicing his opinion? That is not good form afaic, we are all entitled to add to a thread if we feel it valid, if you don't agree there is no need to single people out in that way!

[dunnitall]

*joeluke*

[Mamyalynne]

JoeLuke's reply was perfectly valid and seems eminently sensible of course, shopping in left hand, tight grip on 4 year old with right hand. Along comes the bus, need to get bus fare out of purse.....shopping on rain soaked floor? Chance letting go of child? Queue tutting behind you.

Anyone who has ventured out with a small child knows things aren't simple - would that life was.

[cazzz1975]

there is more to it than behaviour issues of a normal child, shouting, slapping or threatening will not make a difference if the child has a behavioural disorder however annoyed you feel..

[gness]

After very many years of working in special education I know that there are naughty children and there are children with problems which can come across as being naughty and lacking parental control.

It never ceases to amaze me that those who have never experienced bringing up or teaching a child with problems always seem so quick to have the answer and blame the parents.

Num...I have been on school trips with children older than yours who have had to be on reins to keep them safe.....you're doing the right thing.

[Mamyalynne]

I agree Cazz, my response re 'We shall go home' is more suited to a child simply playing up and testing you, not of course if numnum's son has problems beyond that.

[dunnitall]

Oh gosh don't slap a child, one uses words, deprivation of something the child holds dear, stop it in it's tracks, that is IMO the best deterrent and training, try it and see. It's hard work bringing up any child let alone a special needs one...but it's down to training, hard work and dedication which a lot of parents aren't able to cope with.

[numnum]

Joeluke - That is the most basic common sense thing that anyone would do.

When you have a child with behavior problems the most simple things don't work e.g, if you do that we'll go home. if you eat something/break something in the shop we'll go home, if you throw that toy it will get put away for a day etc etc. that doesn't register with them. Believe me I've done everything and deal with people that thing a simple thing like your answer is the answer and its not.

When I hold my son's hand it is that tight my hand get sore. I will drag him the length of the street and not let go or let him win

When a child does not like to be touched holding a hand is a very difficult thing to do but it has to be done because letting him go a metre in front is a risk

[Mamyalynne]

I do understand and sorry if my flippant response seemed out of place on this thread - things can indeed get better with patience and help once you know what you are dealing with.

Of my two - the boy who would run in front of a bus to pick up a shiny toffee wrapper, now walks to school and back alone.

The boy who would kick off or run in busy situations, now asks if we can leave or go somewhere quieter.

It can get better and I wish you as a family all the best.

[cazzz1975]

training can be very effective for some children but its not a one size all approach, if the child was a teenager with the mentality of a baby another approach may be required.

[joeluke]

'JoeLuke's reply was perfectly valid and seems eminently sensible of course, shopping in left hand, tight grip on 4 year old with right hand. Along comes the bus, need to get bus fare out of purse.....shopping on rain soaked floor? Chance letting go of child? Queue tutting behind you.'


Get on bus before getting purse out? - the only direction child can go then is up into the bus

Some mothers make a rod for their own backs by not persevering with holding their kids hand from a young age. The child doesn't like it at first and kicks up a fuss and wants to break free but perseverance wins in the end and they eventually resign themselves to accepting it.