toilet training

[dorindarasbe]

hi everyone, i have a little boy who will be three next week and he hates using the toilet or the pot. we really try hard to get him to but he just isnt interested. he wears pants during the day but when he needs either a wee or a poo then he gets a nappy for us to put on him. just dont know what to do anymore. we have tried using a sticker chart and this worked for a couple of days. also he doesnt go to bed until we do and then has to get into our bed and when he has fallen asleep we carry him into his bed, but he wakes up about a couple of hours later and gets in with us again. i know i have spoilt him because i lost my other little boy so i am obviously more over protected with him. many thanks if you answer.

[dancealot13]

hello Dorindarasbe,

Im so terribly sorry for your loss, I simply can't imagine going through something like losing a child. You hit the nail on the head though when you said you know you spoil him. You do have to be a bit tough on him with certain things..such as using the toilet and sleeping . He may cry and wine, and it may be difficult for you to see him go through that discomfort, but I promise you it won't last. You need to set a bed time for him, and you must stick by it no matter what. And know that he's going to get out of bed and whine and cry and bug you like crazy...but pick him up and place him back in his bed over and over again, and don't say much when you put him back in his bed, just place him there and leave the room. You gotta be tough with him in the begining. Remember you are the adult, YOU are in charge not him.

And in the long run, he will grow to respect you both much more,..and he won't end up being a mama's boy too much. Remeber we are raising them to independant adults someday.

Good Luck

[Le Chat]

Hi there. You seem to have 2 issues here. dancealot13 is spot on regarding the sleep issue. As for the potty issue I suggest 2 alternatives.

Either put him in trainer pants/nappy full time and let him tell you when he wants to stop this arrangement. He is growing up and will not want to wear a nappy indefinitely.

Or, hide the nappies. It's the potty and that's it. Yes, you will have accidents, tantrums and traumas but eventually it will work, with love and praise!

Maybe wait until the summer, then whip off the bottom half and try it unrestricted!

I am so sorry for your loss too, I can only think of that happening for a brief second and it pains me tremendously. I'm sure you're a wonderful Mum.

[spudqueen]

Hi dorindarasbe, first of all take a deep breath and relax. Leave the potty training until the summer (as Le Chat said), it's so much easier when they can run around with no bottom half on, it sounds as though he's just not ready yet. Ignore anyone else who says that their child was dry by their second birthday, all children develop at a different rate, and as I kept saying to myself, they'll be sorted out by the time they're 16!

On the sleep issue, our eldest son slept with us until he was two and a half, and even then he would come into our bed during the night. To get him out of this we decorated his bedroom (showing him the new wallpaper etc and getting him excited) then it took 2 weeks of either myself or my husband lying in bed with him until he fell asleep before he got used to it. Try and get your son to go to bed a little earlier, in a lovely room, read him a few stories and gradually he will get used to it - be prepared for him to join you at sometime in the night though and remind yourself, he won't be doing it when he's 16!

[lady_p_gold]

As others have said, cannot imagine what you must have been through. Someone once said to me "how many children do you see going to secondary school still wearing nappies ??" because it will get sorted in time and for the moment the best thing is not for any sort of anxiety to become associated with the process. As for the bedtime routine, well you have more or less explained that you know in your heart that you are being a little overprotective, and you have to decide at some point if this is in your little boy's best interests ... If you have a chance to watch Tiny Tearaways you will see that these sort of problems are quite common and are able to be sorted out sometimes quite quickly, provided that you have the ability to 'go through' the short term distress that he might feel. You need to put him in his own bed and then reassure him and then just keep returning him until he gets the idea that it is for keeps, and then reward him in the morning for being such a good boy and staying in his own bed. I know it is easy to write these things and much harder in practice, but you do not want him to be still carrying on like this when he is 5, 6, 7 or 8 which can still happen !!!! He will not love you any less, and everyone will understand if you find it difficult, but at some point it has to be done. Good luck

[joannie10]

agree with all advice you have been given and yes - keep putting him back in his bed. With regards to the toilet training - put him on the toilet/potty half hourly if necessary. He will do it and by having done it in the toilet/potty he wont need and therefore wont be bringing a nappy to you. The habit of the nappy will eventually be broken. Even as an adult sometimes if we dont actually feel we need the toilet but if know wont have access to one for a while we go and can actually manage to do something.

sounds silly but with my children everytime they successfully done something in the potty we sang a song and got quite excited........it went like

'names' done a widdle, 'names' done a widdle yippy aye, yippy aye 'names' done a widdle and finished by clapping our hands. the kids loved it and were so proud of themselves. Obviously lots of praise and 'wait until we tell (daddy/granny) what a clever boy you have been.

good luck.

[o8sp]

hi,

sorry for your loss. don't worry about the potty training my daughter did the same for poos until she was 3 and a half and then decided herself to start using the toilet. hiding the nappies didn't work as she just held on and got constipated. your son will use the toilet in his own time. as for the sleep issue my daughter is now 5 and is still a terror for going to bed but i had to persist with taking her back to bed and she did eventually get fed up as she wasn't getting her way.

good luck,

sonia

x

[dorindarasbe]

hi to you all who replied, there is a lot of brilliant advice for me i just have to start being brave and start being a bit more strict, i know it will be good for him in the long run. thankyou for all your answers i really appreciate it. keep you posted as to how i am getting on. many thanks.

[Booldawg]

Mrs Booldawg says you can buy potties that change colour/display a picture when wee'ed upon. This makes it into a game and more 'fun' for your little lad. Not sure about the sleeping thing - just routine i suppose.

[stanleyman]

Here's a trick that might work. When he brings you a nappy, instead of putting it on him, lay it in the potty and sit him on it, see how he reacts and wrap it around him if necessary. Once he gets used to this you can eventually forget the nappy.

I'm getting to the age where I need nappies again and it worked fo me.

[Booldawg]

ha ha to stanleyman!

[dorindarasbe]

thankyou for that. another 2 things to try. you made me laugh stanleyman.