Step son constantly crying

[Carrissa5118]

Please help! My step son always cries when he comes over for his dad's weekends. He has been away from us for 3 years because his mom moved out of state and then move back here in March. We have tried everything to make it easy for him, but nothing seems to help. It tears my heart up when there is nothing we can do to console him or make him not want to cry here. Please, if you have any suggestions on how to make this better for him we would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks

[alice1]

How old is your step son? whatever age he is he will appreciate honesty and clarity. Explain why he is with you and that you love him and that mum will always come back. My thoughts are with you as i had a similar experience with my eldest son but i always found that by explaining things (kiddie friendly) he seemed to be able to take things on board. good luck

[devilwoman]

bless him, its hard for him and for all the family, just be patient and give him lots of attention but also dont crowd him give him some space to cry in private if need be but let him know you both care for him and are there for him, make sure dad spends qualit y time with him doing things they both enjoy, football swimming or just reading stories or watching a favourite programme together. best of luck to you all.

[WendyS]

Don't know how young your stepson is, but I guess he is still quite young. Does he have a special room he can sleep in when he comes to you which he can regard as his own? Or a special bed with a favourite duvet cover on? If you can make him feel that one small part of your house is especially devoted to him and each time he comes, do something special with it, or put a little surprise under his pillow or a note which leads to a mini treasure hunt, perhaps it would give him something to look forward to. . Also, are there any small children around you of his age he could make friends with? If so, could you possibly plan a few outings or picnics with them when he visits to give him some feeling of "ownership" and continuity. Perhaps if you can create more of an environment where he feels he belongs he might not miss his mother so much and start to enjoy his visits with you.

[Carrissa5118]

Thank you everyone! Just to let everyone know he is 5 years old and we have three boys that live with us 5, 2, and 2 months (2 of them are his 1/2 brothers and the oldest is my son.) Every time he comes over he gets to decide what we will be doing for the weekend and he always gets special time with just his dad. Please keep the comments coming, I appreciate any and all advice.

[skyep]

Carrissa, Would it be practical for your stepson to stay with you for perhaps just a few hours to begin with? I'm not sure how long he is with you for, but if he is staying overnight with you, then thats a big change for him & would feel very strange. Short stays to begin with, till he can build up a trust with you & feel comfortable.

[badgerchops]

hes lucky he has you who cares about him... thats the first step. i would invite him and his mother for the day. show him you are all united in his care, although that may be awkward you have his best interests at heart.

he may just miss her when he comes over as he is only young....

[janetsflower]

Maybe it would easier on you all if he just came for the day to start with and went home at night times. I know my son experienced a similar thing from when he was about 3. His dad had visit rights and was allowed to keep him overnight. he was ok for the day but wanted to be home for his bed but his dad wouldn't let him. It got to the stage where he now refuses to go at all (he is 11) and all because his beginning memories weren't good. I am not suggesting your step son doesn't love his dad or anything like that but it might just be easier til he decides he wants to sleep over

[Hellion]

If he's only 5 and you've not seen him for 3 years it must feel a bit like being in a houseful of strangers and must be overwhelming for him. Is it possible for him to have his own room or his own space? Could he spend a little time with each of you separately? Perhaps just you and he could go out and choose some things for his 'room' then maybe he could go out with just his Dad. It's hard to get to know 5 new people under any circumstances maybe a 'one person at a time' approach is called for