Please help! my daughter is a nightmare!!

[onlyme26]

basically my 9 year old daughter just refuses to do as she is told! im so fed up now i dont know what to do, i shout at her, then i always end up feeling guilty and shouting does nothing!!
i send her to her room she refuses to go, i litterally have to drag her there and then she just comesstraight backout!!

i need some tips and ideas on how to control her!

she isnt bad all the time, i mean i would say she is naughty 3 out of 7 days, she is lovely when she wants to be.,its just when i ask her to do somehting and she doesnt want to she really really kicks off about it!

i have tried the charts and giving her treats for good bahaviour but doest ever last she gets fed up and starts being naughty again :(:(

[Sqad]

karieokie......I didn´t suggest "hitting " her, I suggested "thrashing " her.

[woofgang]

you said something important there, that you feel guilty. I think that you should feel guilty when you don't teach her good behaviour..its not trying to control her, its teaching her to control herself before she gets older and either comes a cropper or has to get her lessons the hard way from employers and the law.
If she can control herself in school, she can control herself with you....

[Bobbisox]

the softly, softly approach is why she is in this mess in the first place karieokie , sorry but I don't hold with 'naughty steps and time out' Americanisms

[Sqad]

redhelen ....until she starts behaving like a human rather than like an animal, she should be treated like an animal.

[woofgang]

ha sqad she is behaving like a human, animals don't let their young get away with it

[ummmm]

Animals don't act like this...

[Sqad]

woofgang ;-)
ummm....quite.

[woofgang]

snap ummm

[craft1948]

I may need medical help as I agree with sqad....

[Sqad]

craft......I always had you down for liking a bit of the "rough stuff"......;-)

[ummmm]

Have a lie down dear...

[onlyme26]

karieokie i actually appreciate your response,that is the goal im trying to acheieve,

we do cook together all the time, like i said she is good alot of the time and we are really close most of the time, its just on the off days she gets really bad,

thanks for your response! i will try that, and hopefully she will start to see she gets the attention when she is good xx

[wisemother]

oh please disregard ummmm! I don't think there is a parent anywhere who has not panicked at times with the fear they are losing control of their child and who feels guilty about shouting and punishing. They all go through (several) phases of pushing the boundaries and being generally obnoxious! We can all give advice but you will have to work out a tactic which works for you. My own advice would be first of all not to shout if possible. In fact, talking quietly and explaining why you are asking them to do something can sometimes work better. When my son was stubborn like this I used to repeat the instruction and then tell him I would count up to 5 before I got angry. Sometimes I would get to 4 and a half before it worked but usually he shot off at the last second to do what was wanted and often I hadn't a clue what I would do if I got to 5!!! Give treats but not according to a chart - just produce a little present of some sort when she has been especially good or surprised you with good behaviour. You might need to think of a fairly harsh punishment to use to get started and show you mean what you say - think of something you can take away that she is especially fond of. I found that removing a lead from the games machine or hiding the phone charger often worked! The main thing is keep calm in front of her and don't let her see she is winding you up.

[Sqad]

wisemother

<<< I found that removing a lead from the games machine or hiding the phone charger often worked! The main thing is keep calm in front of her and don't let her see she is winding you up.<<<<

She has tried all that without success.

[ummmm]

Disregard me...why's that then? I have three respectful children so I've done something right...

[Sqad]

vibra....welcome......a successful and knowledgeable parent.....give onlyme a bit of advice.