Im crying bucket loads now.........

[Im a BusyBee]

i told my 23 year old son to leave this morning so he took some of things and went :-( ..........i have problems every week getting his keep from him, i only ask for £50 a week and he earns more than both me and his dad so i do not feel im being greedy over that? Yet EVERY week its a nightmare to get it out of him and if i go to the supermarket before i get the money then no hope..am i being unreasonable? He changed the ground rules a few weeks ago and said he would give it to me every tuesday so i booked my grandson in for his swimming lesson on a wednesday (i take him near to supermarket for this) thinking i could combine the 2 as its several miles away to town and this morning i was so fed up of this arguement every week and said if i hadnt got it before he went to work he had to go cos i cant cope with the hassle. Im always so busy doing things for other people and i work fulltime i just needed co-operation so he's gone. Now im devastated - do i text him, just leave him or what? I am struggling to cope with this more than worrying about £50.

[Sqad]

starby/Old _Geezer..............but that would make it WOG.....LOL

[Old_Geezer]

And then we'd all be banned.

[whiskeryron]

When he comes crawling back make sure he starts obeying the house rules & whatever you decide he has to pay make him do it by standing order at the bank,this will make sure you get paid every month/week, & should stop all the arguments.

Ron.

[fadeout73]

Is the grandson you mention your son's son?

[fliptheswitch]

23? He sounds like a teenager having a strop!
You have definitely done the right thing, busybee. As others have said, let him see how long he last in the 'real world' on £50 a week... he'll soon realise how good he had it at home with you.
I'll put money on him coming back, and hopefully then he will realise he has to mend his ways. A landlord wouldn't wait around for their rent, so why should you!

Hope it all goes well for you :)

[Canary42]

May I just add my voice to those supporting you BusyBee. You have been remarkably patient with the lad and he has thrown it all back in your face - time for him to (try to) make his own way and find out what life is really like. It will be hard for you, but don't text him - he has got to learn and you unfortunately will have to bear the worry in the short term - but raising kids has never been easy.

Good luck !

[Carakeel]

BusyBee, my heart goes out to you. You hve most certainly done the right thing and to be hones, your som is old enough to start taking responsibility for his life and move out, especially as he has a job. It is so hard for parents to let go, but in effect you are helping him to become the adult he should be. Sometimes we need to let our children know that, once they are grown ups, we parents do have the right to want our lives back and cannot afford to keep funding them forever. Your son has acted in a very immature way, thrown his toys out of the pram so to say. I'm sure he wants people to accept and respect him as an adult. This means though that he also has to behave and take responsibility like an adult. It is now time for you and your husband to have your lives back and start enjoying your marriage and life together more. I'm sure you will all get along fine as soon as your son has sorted himself out. You may even get along better than ever before. So, don't worry too much.

[Carakeel]

By the way, I hope your son doesn't come "crawling back" as some have said. I hope he comes back, proudly tells you that he has found himself a flat, is excited about his new independent life and still loves you loads. Best wishes to you.

[Mamyalynne]

BusyBee you have acted in a way that can only benefit your son and that is a good thing. He will realise how the big wide world costs and see that he has had the most glorious time with loving and caring parents.
Having said all that I hope he sets himself up and finds independence but the rift is healed and he may well indeed thank you for it.

[overthetop]

BusyBee, you're just feeling emotional right now but you have done the right thing for yourself and for him. He needs to stand on his own two feet as has been said. And if he has gone to live with his girlfriend, he might well get a reality check as I'm sure she will expect him to go 50/50 with the household expenses ... and the washing up, and the ironing, and the housework, etc. He might be back sooner than you think, having learnt his lesson. Oh, and don't let your husband use it as an excuse to start smoking again. Give him lots of TLC.

[Quassia]

BusyBee,
Hope I don't sound too harsh here,you have been too easy on your son. Let him grow up to learn to be responsible.

[Im a BusyBee]

thanks so much for all your support......fadeout i have 2 children and it is my daughter that has recently had a baby boy - he is gorgeous!

[Nosha123]

I doubt this is the only heartache your son has caused you... (and probably wont be the last). He is being childish and bullish. He lives under your roof - he must live by your rules! £50 a week is nothing. I bet he eats that in food alone!
Did you tell him to leave the house - or did he CHOOSE to because he didnt want to hand over this weeks money?
I would imagine from your posts that it was perfectly clear he had a CHOICE and that he chose to go rather than pay up!
In that case - leave him to it.
I know it will be painful.. but what lesson is he learning from you if you plead him to come home or text him straight away. Then he will know he as got to you! As for your husband.. he has done amazingly well to give up smoking.. keep him motivated to stay that way or else all the effort he put in will have been a waste of time. Good luck!

[Im a BusyBee]

i did say to to my son this morning (as i have done numerous times through out his life) life is full of choices this is another occasion where you make your choice of either paying me or leaving and which ever you decide will have an effect one way or another on the rest of your life but its your choice to take.

[Im a BusyBee]

also i think it was because he wanted to hand it over when he was ready too, not this morning and not in time for me to get the shopping. I can add lots to this but what i will add now is that i went to our village shop last night to get pack up food for him so that he had some today as we were getting low and i had not had his keep to get full shop. a lot of my life (out side of work) does revolve around keeping him happy.

[Nosha123]

Hey Busy Bee....
Well in that case you didnt TELL HIM TO LEAVE... dont be so hard on yourself. He had two choices... HE CHOSE to leave... So he cannot throw that back in your face that you kicked him out because you didnt.
Paying bills has to be done on time - and as today is Wednesday he was already late in paying up, even though he had agreed to settle with you on a TUESDAY. What happens to you if you are a day late paying a mortgage.. or rent.. or a phone bill?
You state also "a lot of my life (out side of work) does revolve around keeping him happy."

I think its time to let him get on with it... and stop pandering to him. He's a big boy now - let him live in the big wide world like the rest of us - he'll soon see what its really like.

He may not appreciate this 'hard love' approach now - but it really is the best for him in the long run. My Brother In Law is nearly 40 and still being fussed over by his mother... and I have to say - I doubt he will ever marry as no woman would put up with his childish and selfish mentality.

[Nosha123]

and lets remember.. He is 23... he thinks he knows it all.... Let him find out for himself he isnt the grown up independent adult he thinks he is!

[tastymorsel]

I more or less had the same scenario with my eldest boy.When he came back he willingly offered me double what he had originally been paying because he realised the true cost of living while he was away.We now have a fantastic relationship and he went on to buy his own house with a mortgage and a very real sense of the REAL world.Hang on in there you have done the right thing.

[paddywak]

Bloody hell BusyBee, when I started work at15 back in the sixties I "tipped Up" all my wages (£5.00) to my mum and she gave me back my spending money and when I left home at about 22 years old I was paying £20 a week and mum wasn't shy about saying something if I was late paying, might not sound a lot now but in the early 60's it was good money. The thing is I just didn't realise how much mum did for me till I was fending for myself she was worth at least double. I know you must be upset but stick to your guns, at 23 it's time he left the nest and found out what it's like in the real world