Im crying bucket loads now.........

[Im a BusyBee]

i told my 23 year old son to leave this morning so he took some of things and went :-( ..........i have problems every week getting his keep from him, i only ask for £50 a week and he earns more than both me and his dad so i do not feel im being greedy over that? Yet EVERY week its a nightmare to get it out of him and if i go to the supermarket before i get the money then no hope..am i being unreasonable? He changed the ground rules a few weeks ago and said he would give it to me every tuesday so i booked my grandson in for his swimming lesson on a wednesday (i take him near to supermarket for this) thinking i could combine the 2 as its several miles away to town and this morning i was so fed up of this arguement every week and said if i hadnt got it before he went to work he had to go cos i cant cope with the hassle. Im always so busy doing things for other people and i work fulltime i just needed co-operation so he's gone. Now im devastated - do i text him, just leave him or what? I am struggling to cope with this more than worrying about £50.

[Bambiagain]

You've done exactly the right thing. It's the only way he will learn to stand on his own two feet, and sooner or later he would have to do that anyway. Not only has he been taking advantage of you and your husband, he has been doing himself no favours either. I made the mistake of marrying a man several years older than your son who had been living with his parents, who had never asked him to pay any rent. The shock to him of being out in the real world, having to pay bills and take responsibility for his own life, was too much for our marriage to stand. He had thought he could go through life with plenty of money to spend on whatever took his fancy and found that it wasn't the case. Far better if he had learned earlier and not got stuck in his ways. I hope your son comes to his senses soon, but I'm sure he will and he'll come back ready to tell you that you were right all along.

[askyourgran]

When he does come back remind him that there are a few ground rules. It is your home and if he wants to continue to live with you he should pull his weight. ie he pays up regularly - on time, keeps his room clean and tidy ect. In return you will see that his laundry etc. will be attended to. Don't give in to him, he is old enough to realise that you work full time and he can't expect you to be his personal slave for nothing.

[ladyalex]

I am in total agreement with everyone else on who has answered this thread. You have done entirely the right thing.
Your son has been taking advantage of you and might even be said to have been bullying you . 'This house is as much mine as it is yours '..how dare he speak to you like that!
I think you should have a long think about him and how you are going to treat him in the future (once you are a bit less upset) .
It would not surprise me a bit if he simply turned up in a few days time or indeed if you go out and find him back in the house. I think I might pack the rest of his stuff up in bin bags and leave it in his room so that it is the first thing he sees when he returns....he might get the message then that you are not going to be such a pushover in future.
All the best. It is hard. :-))

[welshlibranr]

ladyalex is so right!.......I would do the same!.........he needs to realise that it's your home, not his, and that he's priviledged to be allowed to stay there now that he's an adult!......

[albaqwerty]

ladya. packing his stuff in bin bags is not going to keep channels of communication open. I can undertand the gut reaction of doing that tho.

[scotman]

If he still thinks like that at 23 you have been doing far too much for him for too long. I would not contact him and I would change the locks immediately.

[albaqwerty]

''a lot of my life (out side of work) does revolve around keeping him happy. ''

busybee, therein lies the problem