'kids' Having Sexual Relations Under Your Roof

[MadMen]

There's a topic on This Morning right now, regarding parents who allow their children to have sex under their roof. We're talking 16/17 years old.

One Mother says she puts condoms in their Christmas stockings. Bit weird.

I get that it's good to know where they are, and that they're not doing it in some dark alley somewhere, but I'm not sure I'd be 100% happy with this... although that's probably due to the way I was brought up and my own parents attitude towards this.

What are your thoughts? Yes, or no?

[MadMen]

It's true. If my lad got to that age and said he was staying out, I don't think I'd fret too much.

Now my daughter.... no way jose! lol

[ummmm]

@ Society - if you look at my Q's you'll see why the problem arised. The 'confidentiality' Q

I'm at my wits end with the pair of them at the moment.

[ummmm]

Pair of them = my sons.

[DTCwordfan]

I had a good laugh at this one (not quite the topic....)

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bFysKWi0Kzc/S9BjCHIM1dI/AAAAAAAAADU/beuoptgU370/s1600/prostitution-cartoon-2.jpg

[MadMen]

Mmm, nice. Thanks for that, DT.

[Old_Geezer]

Could be lacking a bit of grip though.

[MadMen]

Purleeese!

[MadMen]

Lol. Do you think you'd feel differently with a boy?

[Smowball]

Oooh, what a question!

[Mosaic]

I was happy to knwo they were happy, not doing harm to themselves or anyone else, and somewhere safe ie at home.
Too much fuss is made over sex.

[MadMen]

Not sure I agree with the too much fuss comment.
I would rather make a fuss, than be blasé about it.

[lcg]

i got condoms for my 15 year old son and his girlfriend of the same age (they are 20 now and still together). they were upstairs in his bedroom up to lord knows what, so i made sure they were safe. as i got to know her, i also went with her to the gum clinic to get the pill prescribed (she asked me to go with her as she has not had contact with her parents for a good few years) so they could be doubly safe. i spoke to them both clearly when they were 15 about them being under the age of consent and i would prefer that they wait, but i would also rather have them under my roof instead of god knows where without condoms and somewhere safe to be sexual. because of that, i think, they have developed a normal, loving and safe relationship which is great (compared to how some kids screw things up).

i was raped at 13, which wasn't a great start for me (i told nobody about this until i was an adult), and then my first 'proper' time was at 14 (when i had a much older, unsavoury and predatory boyfriend) who basically forced me into having sex on the bathroom floor in my parents house as my brother held a party. no-one was there to look out for me again, and we didn't use any contraception either. i got pregnant and when i told my mother, she beat me black and blue and i lost the baby.

the art of being a parent is being open and honest about everything, including sex and relationships. i wasn't entirely happy they were having sex at 15, but at least i knew what they were up to and they both could talk to me about any issues they had (and would ask me to get them more condoms when i went to the gum clinic for my contraceptive jab!). we now have a peaceful, pleasant, loving, settled and relaxed relationship with both our son and his 'mrs' (as he calls her!) and our house is so lovely....very different to the one i grew up in and one i thought i would never have. we have always been 'liberal' parents, i suppose, but it means that communication, honesty, love and affection is the core of all our relationships; despite any other problems we have, as life is not perfect and has been hard for us (me and mr kicker especially). but that is another story x

[2sp_]

lcg, what a wonderful approach you have had to your son and sex considering the horrendous things that you went through when you were younger.

Without sounding patronising (I hope!), I take my hat off to you.

[lcg]

thanks, 2sp! i sometimes wonder how we managed to produce such a wonderful kid. both mr kicker and i had horrendous childhoods and had our son very young (we were 16 and 17 years old). if we hadn't made such conscientious and considered decisions about raising him, it could have been so very different. x

[MadMen]

lcg, thank you for taking the time to answer, and with input from your own personal experiences... some not so great :-(
I'll be honest, when I first started reading your post I was a bit "what?? 15?!!", but having now fully read it, I can completely see your point of view and reasons for doing what you did.
It's great you've got such an honest and open relationship with your son, and his "mrs" (lol) and what you've just shared with us is both thought provoking and aspiring.

Thank you :-)

Thank you :-)

[lcg]

thanks, madmen (and cheers for the best answer, lol!). i've seen a lot in my life (i'm now 37) and nothing much fazes me, also because i'm a psych nurse. my approach to life is very easygoing.....and my favourite phrase is: don't worry, it always sorts itself out in the end. not necessarily how you want it to, tho. i had a very wayward teenage life - drugs, alcohol, homelessness (at 16 and 2 days - to escape our parents), sexual exploitation, abuse from my parents, failure by social services (who placed me in a b+b with a paedophile), failure by my school, mental health and physical disabilities.....and the list goes on (and mr kicker's is even worse). i swore to myself that i would protect my son from all of that and just let him know that i loved him.....and that truly is all that matters. it was a pleasure watching him grow up and make his way through life and it was also nice being in our family cocoon away from everything else - just the three of us, always the three of us. and it's hard now, watching him grow into a man, away at university and roaring around on his beloved motorbike (which scares me to death). but as he continues to grow, he makes me more proud every day x

[MadMen]

Awww lcg. You sound like one of life's genuinely lovely people :-)

[mrs.chappie]

It's a No from me. I'm an old-fashioned kinda gal. I'd want my kids to respect my wishes, just as I did my mum's.

[RATTER15]

Im ok wth it as long as it is long term relationship, I wouldn't have our home used as a knocking shop. We don't actually have these worries now as no kids living at home.