Relative's Lack Of Personal Hygiene Routine

[JeniPeni]

How do you go about suggesting to a relative (aged 76) that their hygiene is very lack ie they're not washing themselves, or changing their clothes for days on end. The relative doesn't suffer from any mental illness like dementia, so they must know that they're not washing anymore. We want to approach the subject but don't know how to go about it. Thanks in advance.

[jennyjoan]

good luck to that - it is a hard one

[boxtops]

How close a relative are they, do you see them every day? Do they smell? If not, do they actually need to change every day? Man or woman?

[jomifl]

Do they smell? If not there isn't a problem surely?

[2sp_]

I guess it depends on what sort of relationship you have with them.

If it's a relative you see often, you could try buying them some nice body wash or bubble bath as a treat. You could offer to put a wash on for them when you visit or take ironing home to help out.

It's a really difficult issue to have to bring up. Good luck.

[Ken4155]

You say they are not suffering from any mental illness. What about depression. When mine first kicked in, personal hygiene was way down on my list of priorities. There must be a reason as to why your relative has stopped washing, jeni.

[JeniPeni]

Its a close woman relative (I don't want to say what relative, just in case, Big Brother an all that!). Yes, she smells, sometimes more days than others. We think she might also be a bit incontinent now too.

[jennyjoan]

Boxy - surely you do have to wash every day - particularly down there and under your oxters - your clothes could do for a day or two but I wash and change every day. If you don't I always think there is a hum off you. MO only.

[grasscarp]

As they are that age they may be a bit not caring any more, especially if they dont go out much. As you are related it is best just to talk to them on lines of are they having any problems with the bath or shower (access etc). Could be difficulty, or not wanting to waste water or something else.
Also with the clothes - maybe they are not wanting to waste electricity or water with more frequent washing. You need to find the problem before it can be solved.

[JeniPeni]

She has difficulty getting in and out the bath, but I have suggested several times that I could help her. Also, she's been given nice smellies and I suggested having a girly night, doing her nails and hair etc. But, she just says she can't be bothered.

[jennyjoan]

she is incontinent cos she is not changing her wee panties or washing down there.

I know all about bad hygiene as I worked with many ladies over the years who were unbelievable.

[2sp_]

Could you speak to her GP?

If she is having mobility issues getting in and out of the bath, maybe she could get some help from a carer to wash and dress?

It may be that she doesn't want you to help her do this things as it may hurt her pride. Sometimes people find it easier when a carer takes over these duties.

[jennyjoan]

jenipeni - she only needs to stand at the bathroom sink and stripwash - maybe it is difficult for her to get into bath but the ole stripwash is just as good.

[ummmm]

I'm with Boxy....leave them to it.

At 76 they are from a wash once a week era (if that)....

[boxtops]

I agree about washing, conne, and I change my underwear every day, but I don't change my outer clothing every day, if it's still clean enough to go a second day. More likely to change every day in hot weather.

What about a shower, jeni? Many older people are scared of being stuck in the bath if they can't get out. Even a daily flannel wash is enough for most people. Do they clean their teeth, and daily maintenance stuff like that?

[redman41]

I would tackle the problem head on even if it causes offence !
The situation will only get worse and if she is Hospitalised, the Nurses will not stand for any bad hygiene

[JeniPeni]

We have thought about going to the GP to see if he could suggest anything. She used to be a home-carer herself but I know for sure she wouldn't want anyone to come in and help her with that. She will occasionally stand at the bathroom sink and wash her bits, but never a proper wash. And I couldn't tell you the last time she washed her hair properly.

[boxtops]

Buy her some Tena Ladys if you think there's incontinence, say it's to protect her furniture if you have spotted any staining.....

What you really need is a frank 4-year-old, who (in my experience) will stand in front of someone and say "Granny, why do you smell funny?"......

[JeniPeni]

They've got a separate shower, but she doesn't like a shower!

[2sp_]

You could also speak to the GP about incontinence. It could be caused by getting older, but there may be an underlying issue that could be resolved.

[jennyjoan]

my very proud aunt of over 90 died last year about Oct and she told me she dreaded the day - carers were to wash her - she would rather die - and she did - she got her wish. very proud lady.