Relative's Lack Of Personal Hygiene Routine

[JeniPeni]

How do you go about suggesting to a relative (aged 76) that their hygiene is very lack ie they're not washing themselves, or changing their clothes for days on end. The relative doesn't suffer from any mental illness like dementia, so they must know that they're not washing anymore. We want to approach the subject but don't know how to go about it. Thanks in advance.

[joko]

"she is incontinent cos she is not changing her wee panties or washing down there. "

how does that make someone incontinent?

[JeniPeni]

Haha Boxtops - our youngest is 10, who cuddles her all the time. I think he thinks she's a bit smelly but he would never say so.

[anneasquith]

she may have a UTI.

[mallyh]

what about offering to do her washing and saying i might as well do the things you have on .

[joko]

perhaps you could start doing her washing for her? if she has a machine just make sure its full when you're there.

i agree that people don't become disgusting and smelly just because they don't wash for a few days, so this is likely mild incontinence.

why not also get her some of those toilet wetwipes? the ones designed for use on the toilet

[JeniPeni]

I have offered to do washings for her, but she always just says "just leave it, I'll get it". I do other housework for her, and take her shopping.

[pusskin]

When i was a carer i had ladies who couldnt get in and out of bath.
One special lovely lady told me that she felt a million dollars after i stripped washed and talced her all over. Couldnt do that with my mum as she was too ambarrassed. Its so nice for oldies to smell and feel lovely.

[2sp_]

How about saying to her that you don't think her washing machine is rinsing properly as you can get a bit of a stale smell from her clothes?

You could offer to take washing home and do it there for her?

It's so difficult dealing with older, more stubborn relatives!

[JeniPeni]

The sad thing is, she used to be very very clean. But, she's not just washing for a few days at the sink .... its days and days and days!

[grasscarp]

My husband has a bath chair that can lower him into the bath (it has batteries), but he uses it just to sit on and uses the tap shower to wash. Could you get her something like this so she can still retain independence but be helped.

[tamborine]

say "I must have stood in dog mess" & inspect your shoes. that will pass the message

[mazie]

Hi Jeni...My Mum had trouble getting into the bath I got one of these to fit across the bath.. She used to sit on it and wash herself..

http://www.abilityaware.com/index.php/bathroom-aids-shower-aids-toilet-aids/medina-bath-board.html

[China Doll]

Well given all the suggestions you have and the responses you've made; it doesn't sound like it's not because of she is unable to wash so therefore you have the choice to 1) say something outright (short, sharp and blunt, I can't think of a tactful way to say it so I'd go for the 'ripping off a plaster' method) or 2) accept that for whatever reason, washing is not high on their agenda and don't broach the subject with them.

Doesn't sound like any amount of hinting, offers of help or gifts of smellies are going to work based on what you've said.

[mazie]

Or you could send CD round ;o)

[ladybirder]

Ummm, what's with the "At 76 they are from a wash once a week era (if that)...." What a cheek. I bathe every day and as a kid I had to have a bath each evening before I went to bed. And I doubt I am alone in this.

[ladybirder]

Oh and I forgot to say Jeni, bite the bullet and get it over with. You'll do it kindly of course:-) If I was in your relative's situation I think I would be grateful to you.

[lcg]

for all the farting about that has been suggested on here.....tosh. get her some clean clothes, undies, smellies (inc. talc) and incontinence pads (when around her house and doing other stuff) and broach the subject honestly and supportively. ask if she needs a shower chair to make things easier and let her know that the smell/state of her hair is a real problem - and very obvious to everybody else. to me, it is more dysfunctional to let it carry on and become a health issue (sores, burns and other nasty stuff. let her know you love her and want things to be the very best for her. farting around an issue will never get it solved.

[Robinia]

Maybe she's depressed or there's a physical reason she's not washing? Do you think she might have pain somewhere that restricts her upper body movement, especially when it comes to washing her hair?

[JeniPeni]

China Doll, I think it might end up being option 2 - before there is a big fall out! Thank everyone for all your responses.

[corylus]

Where's her District Nurse in all this?