want to speak to people who understand

[MUM79]

6 weeks ago i found out my daughters (10,8,7) were being sexually abused by a member of my husbands family (also his sister has dicolsed against him aswell)
my problem is i fell very alone the entire family have turned their backs on us saying we have got the girls to make it up etc even though he has admited to the police my kids are devasted they have lost their grandparents and keep saying i knew we should not of told. it would be nice to speak to someone who has gone through this.

[My Angel Pie]

we too had a relative in the family who abused his step kids for years (2 girls and 1 boy) 5 years of age it started until the oldest girl then 15 told my mum her auntie. Immediatley Mum and Dad reported it to the police. My mum and Dad soon found out that the kids mother, grandmother and all other brothers and sisters sided with the abuser and his so called wife. My parents were ostrasiced from the family and that was over 20 years ago. we however as the decent side of the family would not have changed a thing, that monster got 7 years in Dartmoor prison. To this day we do not speak to them, we having nothing in common with these people who sided with a monster or pretended it never happended. they were kids and nobody has the right to do what he did. I am so sorry for you and your very brave children. they are so brave and you will have to be strong for them. Take care x

[curiosity]

Hi keep up the good work, Amonty is right, I am a Child & Adolescent Mental health nurse for the Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) your GP will have access to your local service. Your kids have been very brave, which shows that they already have some resilience in their characters, seeing someone early will prevent post traumatic stress symptoms affecting them later. Barnados in our area also have an excellent service for kids who have been through this. These services are experts and should be respected by courts and not impact on any trial outcomes, but check with the CPS or solicitor as they might know cases that have been affected. In anycase early help is better and if timely will confirm to the kids that they done the right thing and people are taking it seriously. Good luck to you all.

[chitchat]

I just want to give you a big hug. Im sorry you and your children are going through this. It sickens me that his family are siding with him.

Makes you think why he is like this and is he repeating actions perhaps done to him when he was a child. Dont get me wrong I absolutely hate the thought of what your kids are being put through. But the reaction of the family seems to me to more of trying to cover up his actions, than of being shocked by it happening.

[MUM79]

Hi to everyone who has repiled thankyou very much for all your kind words . You are all right my girls are so brave they gave a full statement to the police and the officer who dealt with it said they were exellent he has addmited it so we were told the girls wont have to go to court unless he changes his mind, but with 3 girls and his sister ( even though she did not say much they have her on video crying and scared) he would be stupid to change his mind.
he has to go back to the police station next week so we have to wait and see what happens to him as its still with the cps.
At the moment the girls can not speak to anyone until he has been dealt with,but i have brought them a book and we have called it their feelings book i told them they can write anything in there happy or sad feelings about anything cause i know it helps me to write it all down.

I grew up in care and it happened to me when i was younger and when i had kids i swore i would never let anybody hurt them i have even done courses about abuse ( wanted to train as a social worker) so when this all came out i felt like i should have know, i knew there was something troubling my eldest but i put it done to my mums illness as they are so close to her but she is and always will have sucidal thoughts ( mental health problems due to drugs)

[richtee]

Hi Mum,
You have a pretty big mountain to climb, but I can tell you will make it. A lot of good advice above from yummymummy,confused and amonty. etc., Main things I would say are you will need quite a bit of skilled support for some time-please get it for you and your gaughters. The other thing I would say is, don't let this sick person cause you any more pain-try and come to terms with what he has done, and dismiss the sad creature from your thoughts, he is not worth the effort-draw a line under him as soon as!!
Best of luck for the future to you all.

[winny]

Hi, I am no trained person but I want to make a point. Please make sure in all this that you recieve help too. You must be getting the job right as the children felt they could tell you in the first place. Please dont beat yourself up about 'should have known'. I would suggest it is nearly impossible to predict something like this will happen and if you could have forseen it then you would not have let it happen anyway. I cannot add to any advice given regarding the children but you are hurt too. Either the family will back track or they wont but time will tell. Good luck xxxx

[MUM79]

hi all just wqanted to update all u kind people he has been charged with 3 counts of sexual touching (got of lightly) would kind of punishment can he expect the judge will be given all the background etc

[sarah1987]

like MRBen 5, i have not been through this but know someone who has. she also lost all her family and was in a mess. she also lost a number of friends but luckily still had a few people around to talk. the problem is with families is that they like to think everyone is perfect and when something happens they block this out. your children did the best thing in telling someone and they are all very brave little girls and you must be proud of them. as long as they still have you they will be able to get through it.