Do you smack your kids??

[stevie1time]

Its a touchy subject nowadays and i just wanted to express my experience of it,but main question being,,,if you have done,have you felt an immense feling of guilt afterwards??? I am 35 and a single dad, i come from a Sikh background where the fathers are strict,ive got 3 brothers and 3 sisters who felt the wrath of my dads heavy drinking,,bullying and strictness,but not i..but thats another story for another day...I dont smack my kids..i have learned other ways of correcting them...BUT when i did smack them,i felt an unbelivably overwhelming feeling of wrong...just wanted some views on this..thanks X

[Drisgirl]

That A is not a reason for anything.
I was on my own for my kids formative years ,worked fulltime in an extremely stressful job and still didnt resort to HURTING my kids.

When i say tap I mean tap -as in when they were way too young to understand verbally -although i always did verbalise as I did it.It didnt hurt -it was a reminder -thats all.
Anyone who knows me would know -just like you A -that my children are my reson d'etre.

[stevie1time]

Its difficult,i have friends who smack their kids,it makes me sick to my stomach,yet they are good friends of mine,when i see the kids after they have been smacked i see nothing but ????? i cant think of the words!! but im sure you all know what i mean...My lad Max he is 6 years old,when my kids are here,he likes my bed,likes 7/8 ths of it in fact,i love him,i love everything about him,his smile,his cheekiness,his smell,his cuddles...if i smacked him in anger,then i am not a father...simple as that..X

[Goodsoulette]

I know you wouldn't Dris. I truely believe that. I just feel its a fine line and not one I am prepared to go near. My kids are 6 and 2 now, if I so much as raised my hand to them I reckon it would emotionally scar them now. Besides I find locking them in the cupboard under the stairs overnight far, far more effective.

[naughty Lou]

Goody i agree with what your saying. You teach your kids that it is wrong to hit and then hit them when they do something wrong, that is just giving them mixed signals.
On the other hand when they are doing something that is dangerous and no amount of talking to them or reasoning with them is getting through, then yes i believe a smack on the bum will do no harm. Especially if it stops them from doing it.
I don't believe in beating a child or using a belt or other weapon on them, that is down and out cruelty.
As i said before i would much rather my wee one had a hot bum for running onto a busy road, than lying in hospital with serious injuries.

[Petal~flower]

Am not being clever topogigio.

I am a single mum (divorced) but still single. And find your answer offensive.

[Drisgirl]

Thanks A -sometimes I feel (not by you cos you know me) that posts can be misconstrued and I end forever trying to explain what i really posted in the first place -lo -OK hun? xx

Lou -thats what i was meaning -not hurting my children but really just what i said before -I didnt want them to find out the hard way -like running in front of a car and going near the fire and all the millions of things that us parents envisage as death traps when its our kids who are concerned.

[topogigo]

Elvis i will make special exception for people like you seeing as you think it is the way to go. Why don't you advertise your services for hitting peoples kids for them. You obviously think you would be providing a worthwhile service, you could give a real thumping and say "I"ll give you something to cry about!"
You are the Man Elvis68!!!!!!!!!!!!

[topogigo]

why should you find my observation offensive,Petal flower do you find it more offensive than i do seeing a small child smacked? Get in line.

[redcrx]

Little CRX does occasionally get his nappy covered bottom smacked. Never more than one smack, never with anything but my hand. I never raise my voice and scream or shout and he is given three calm warnings before a smack. Its not often it occurs as usually counting to three stops him in his tracks

For those of you that are completely anti-smacking can i just ask what you think is worse.

1) one smack onto a padded bottom following 3 warnings.

2) a non smacking parent who may just stand and scream like a banshee at a child who then takes no notice anyway.

we all know the ideal is a child that listens to everything a parent says, learns whats not acceptable by discussion but that doesnt always happen.

I was smacked as a child, as were my siblings, but Ive said here befre, I can honestly never recall any smack i was given, so did it affect me and my outlook on life? No it didnt.

[cazzz1975]

I dont smack my children, smacking only teaches them that when they cant control a situation the you should resort to hitting, it also doesnt work, Ive known parents virtually smacking the kids all day long and they will still misbehave.

Im not part of the super nanny rubbish, I have very clear rules for the kids, if they want to deliberately disobey me then they will lose their luxuries, the key is to stick to your guns.

my children are well behaved and that is a feat considering two of them have autism and associated behavioural problems, kids act up for a reason, its not normally as obvious as it seems..

[tigwig]

I do smack my daughter who is 3 sometimes and have done since she was a toddler. I completely admit it is usually done when I have lost control of my temper and yes I do feel guilty after but I know I am a good parent and it doesn't happen very often at all. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with smacking as long as it isn't done all the time and the only form of discipline.

[topogigo]

I suppose you are in favour of the birch then tigwig, or perhaps a good kick in the face.
God this makes my blood boil.

[redcrx]

topogigo, were you ever smacked as a child?

[aims1202]

It makes me feel really sad that so many parents on here think its ok to smack their children, especially very young ones.
It just does not make sense to me at all, however you describe it or try to say its only a tap, it is still hitting a child. That is wrong in my eyes, i think it is wrong to hit anyone but especially children. I dont believe there is ever the need for smacking children.
I dont understand what you achieve by giving a baby or young toddler a tap to stop doing something. They are at the age where they imitate everything the adult does. They are also very curious and not 'naughty'. They need to be talked to and shown what is right and wrong. When my son was a small toddler, if he hit out i would show him what you do instead, by taking his hand and say, we are gentle, showing how to be, every time he did it until he got the message.
I could never ever hit my son in any form, even a little tap. I know i couldnt do it. He is nearly 5yrs. The majority of the time he does what he is told and when it comes to things that are dangerous he always does as he's told. The reason for this is right from the start i have explained the dangers to him and always praised him for doing as i say. I have also always stood by what i have said and not given in. When they are very small you cannot let them go near the road but as they get older you give them more trust. If he is running ahead i will remind him to stop at the road and he always does, he has never run onto it. I always praise him for stopping. For behaviour that is unacceptable i give him a chance to change what he is doing and if he carries on he is taken away from the area or toys. But i believe the best form of discipline by far is praise, all the time.

[cazzz1975]

I was red, and I dont advocate it...

[perigra]

human beings are the most advanced and successful species on the planet.
we have got here over millions of years by following our instincts and emotions. in anger we would punish children, physically with a smack, not with abusive violence.
this would have had no place in our ancestors society as it has no place today. in fact i think it would have been tolerated less.

in modern day worse "mental" abuse is comitted by some parents who would never smack their kids but maybe put unfair pressure on their children by not imposing firm boundaries and allowing them to make decisions which they aren't emotionally and intelectually able to cope with.

a smack is a short sharp shock and as long as a child is shown love then it can be a beneficial thing.

[tigwig]

topogigo what an earth is the birch? When you say am I in favour of a good kick in the face what exactly are you trying to say? Are you saying I am a violent person because I am not. Like I said I don't think there is anything wrong with an occasional smack and as a parent it is MY decision how to discipline my child not yours or anyone elses and I can't see why you are getting so wound up over it. If I said I gave her 30 lashes with a belt I would understand but it is only the odd tap, she doesn't hit anyone else and she knows she has done wrong.

[cazzz1975]

The point is tigwig, you do it when you have lost your temper, so you are no longer in control, I for one would find that worrying....

[tigwig]

look I think you are over reacting over this. For God's sake when I say I've lost my temper I don't mean I am a raging lunatic who violently attacks my daughter I mean that I have just lost patience with trying to reason with her so she gets a tap (or smack if you like) on the leg, it isn't done hardly and she barely cries, yes in an ideal world nobody would hit their children but sometimes it has to be done. At the end of the day before you all think I am a child beater I am actually a qualified nursery nurse who works in a baby room and have 12 years experience of looking after children so I do know how to deal with childrens behaviour but on occasions my daughter takes no notice of other methods and in cases like that she does get a smack and it stops her. And before anyuone asks no I don't smack the children I work with.

[cazzz1975]

I assume all the children where you work are very badly behaved as they are not smacked then?....