Moving Abroad

[tashbox87]

I currently have a two year old son, and have not been with his father for some time. His name is on the birth certificate, so he has parental responsibility, and wanted to know where I stand if I wanted to move abroad. He does not have a relationship with his son as I won't allow my ex to see him. We broke up when he was about 6 months old because he had a cocaine addiction and still has. He has owed thousands out for it and got arrested for attacking me and smashing my car up when we spilt up. I have been trying to get him to sort himself out so he can be a good dad, but he thinks I am being unreasonable and he should be able to take coke and see his son. He unwilling pays csa, they have had to take him court for it though. And he didn't get his son anything for his first christmas or birthday, not even a card. Unfortunately for my child he doesn't consider his best interests, he see's getting access to his son as a battle - he's more interested in getting one over on me than anything! I have been with my current partner for nearly two years now and we are very happy, and in the next few years I am seriously considering moving abroad as it has always been a dream of mine. I can't see my ex being very happy, and I think he would make it as difficult for me as possible. Even though he lives a 20 minute walk away, he makes no effort to talk to me and see how our soon is doing, and the few times he calls its so he can argue with me. He went to a solicitors once for access, but that was when he wasn't working, and as soon as he got a job and had to pay their fees he wasn't interested again. Where do I stand, if I did make the decision to move could he stop me? I believe he would want to, but not out of wanting whats best for our child but to make my life difficult and have another reason to hate me. Please help!

[smudge742]

Hi Tashbox87
I have recently discussed this issue with a solicitor. My ex was abusive to me during our marriage, and we divorced 7yrs ago. I now have a wonderful partner and although my ex sees his girls, he is now mentally abusing them, and I have stopped them from visiting him as they are getting too upset. Anyway...she told me that if I want to move in this country, I can, but I have to have his permission to take the children abroad. However, if you told him your plans, and he didn't agree, he would have to take you to court. The minute you explain the situation, and the involvement of drugs, the judge would more than likely side with you. I can't guarantee that, but this is what I was told. You need to make sure you have any evidence of drug use, and his unreasonable behaviour, as this will be considered damaging to your son. Your best bet is to see a solicitor for a fixed fee advice session (some solicitors offer this for me, unfortunately not where I live and the hour has cost almost �100, but is worth it if you can manage to pay for it)

I hope this helps, and please let me know if I can help anymore. Take care.

[tashbox87]

Thanks for that. It just seems I have spent so long trying to keep things civil but the only point of veiw he see's anything from his own. He actually tries to tell me a court wouldn't stop him from seeing our child while he's doing what he's doing! apparantly what he does on a night out with his friends at a weekend won't affect his child - except thats when he wants to see our son! He has seen his son pretty irregulary in the past, namely when he has lied to me and told me he has sorted himself out, then for me to find out he hasn't and stopped contact. Now I am very strict in saying he cant see his son at all, he has to give me some security or evidence first that he has cleaned himslef up and its not going to the the same again. I just feel like I could spend the rest of my life hoping he sorts himself out, but I really can't see it happening!

[smudge742]

I know exactly how you feel, I spoke to the CSA today about my claim, and my ex is trying to reduce how much he'll have to pay by lying about how often the children stay with him! The court would stop your ex seeing his child if they think he is not fit enough to do so, and the minute they find out about the drugs, they would back you. At best they would recommend supervised visits. I am fed up of men like this who want it all their own way, no matter how things may damage their kids. My ex is always waffling on about how I am taking his kids away and how I want all his money, and plan on leaving him with nothing. In fact all I want is for my daughters to be happy and well cared for, and for him to pay his way. I am planning on moving away soon, and if you can get the courts to see things your way (not a problem I reckon) then move away too. Your son deserves the best, and this man clearly isn't whats best.

(Sorry on a major low today!!! )

Let me know how things go. I usually log on every few days. Take care x