Can she stop me?

[cottonwool]

Hi my partner is in Intensive care very ill and although i have visited his mother has now said she is not willing to let me see him as it is family only! I am distraught and just want to see him even for a few minutes, he is unconcious so cant speak for himself we have been together 7mths but were due to move in together next week. Any help please im desperate.

[cottonwool]

Thank you for all the responses i think what i will do is just wait for him to wake. I will never entertain this woman again as long as i have breath in my body. The situation is unneccassary and unforgivable. Again thank you.

[jen78]

I'm not sure (maybe bednobs can help if anyone sees her about) if they would be able to help but could you contact the Patient Advice and Liason Service to see if they can advise?

I'd tread very carefully as she sounds like a very emotionally vulnerable and perhaps irrational lady so whatever you do, maybe quietly is the better approach at first in case it pushes her to do something more drastic.

Is there any reason for her being this way? Were you involved in any way in the accident (am by no means suggesting you were or it was your fault) or anything which could be miscontrued or give her a reason for her behaviour?

[bednobs]

this is an awful situation. you need to find out what the policy at the hosp is - if it is that the NOK makes the decisions then there is not much you can do (i think) PALS may be able to help you with this, but if its the mum, they wont be able to intervene with her, just the unit (although that may well help)

Not that this helps you but i urge everyone reading this to get an LPA in place for such eventualities

[elginred]

cottonwool, I feel so bad for you. What a tragic and sad situation you find yourself in. Does your partner have any aunts or uncles who you get along with? It may be that your partners mother has started a grieving process of sorts, and that she is only venting her anger and frustration at you. In which case, someone else who understands her may be able to help you.

Apart from that I cannot help you.

bednobs, what is an LPA?

[cottonwool]

I had nothing to do with the accident. She has always disliked me but what i dont understand is that my b/f is 30 so how can his mother next of kin or not have the power to stop me seeing him?! im so angry with her, Have had no info for 3 days now on how he is!!

[Alienuk]

That is outrageous and down right wrong. My mum may have a solution to this except i can not contact her until morning. I promise I shall get in touch with any useful information. I hope he gets better and wish you the best.

Also as a side note since it was 3 days ago since your last post, any information?

[sophieyk2]

Your situation is so bad, I have come in late to this discussion, I can only hope that your partner has made some posititive progress. His mother is angry and hitting out where it has no direct compound with her, ie. you, but that is only until her son hopefully regains conciousness, then it might be a dfferent story. I don't think the hospital would stop you from visiting but just keep out of his mothers way when you visit. During my recent experience (my mum was a cancer patient), friends and family are encouraged to visit patients. I would just stick to your guns, inlaws can be a pain and they forget that their loved ones (relatives) have other friends and loved ones. Wishing you all the best in this difficult time.

[Ice.Maiden]

I'm sure that as this man's partner, no one can stop you from visiting, although perhaps only so many people are allowed at his bedside, and if his immediate family are there every minute that they can be, then you may NOT be able to get in very easily. However, considering the severity of what's happened, most wards are quite accomodating. I went to visit a vague relative who was in a coma after having a car accident, and there was always a good few at his bedside. We played music to him and chatted away, and 3 weeks later, he came out of the coma. Best of luck anyway.

[LoftyLottie]

Partners are treated the same as spouses these days in hospitals and have the same rights as family. I can't understand why a hospital would stick rigidlly to the wishes of a 30 year old's mother when he has a partner. You need to talk to the hospital about this. You have every right to see your partner.

[cottonwool]

Hi I have spoken to PALS today and they did approach his mother but she point blank turned down any visiting i had requested! I have just heard he has had a second op and knew nothing about it this is totally left me destroyed and i have had to go the doctors who has put me on tablets. Im so so sad she is doing this to me. Apparently it is hospital policy to go with whatever the next of kin says!

[cottonwool]

Does anyone know if going to a solicitor would help me get some visitation?

[cottonwool]

Alienuk did you have a chance to spk with your mother?

[Alienuk]

I am so sorry. I have been caught up in some stuff myself recently, not as serious as yours but never the less caught up. I have been unable to question her but I am going to. I will get in touch tomorrow for definite if you still need help. Since it is now an additional 5 days please inform me of anything recent. Other than that I wish you and your partner the best.

[Alienuk]

She said it is not possible for her to stop you. You can simply walk into the hospital and request to see him. If he is conscious he is the only one that can make the decision whether or not you are allowed to see him. Explain your situation to the doctors/nurses and i'm fairly certain they will allow you to see him even if it be only for a short period of time.