Can she stop me?

[cottonwool]

Hi my partner is in Intensive care very ill and although i have visited his mother has now said she is not willing to let me see him as it is family only! I am distraught and just want to see him even for a few minutes, he is unconcious so cant speak for himself we have been together 7mths but were due to move in together next week. Any help please im desperate.

[puddicat]

she must be angry for some reason and emotional,its her boy,but lets have a heart here you sound a decent loving girl,can you tell us more???

[cottonwool]

Well he was in an accident and put on life support at first she was ok but as the weeks have passed she has said o nurses no info is to be passed over the phone except to just her so i cannot even call when home and when i do call her its engaged for hours so i sit till 1am tryin to get through! Also she stipulated if i was to visit i must only go with her and cant make my own way meaning i have to spend 4hrs there even though i can only see him for roughly half hour in total. She has never liked me i feel this is unneccassary as my boyfriend and i love each other very much im in my 30's so hardly young and naive!

[sara3]

so you can go, you just have to go with her?

or have I misunderstood?

[cottonwool]

No she now sayin family only

[cottonwool]

sorry.... meaing not me im just the girlfriend!

[puddicat]

if this is genuine i can assume it is,my goodness you poor girl,if you are in your thirties think rationally look at the times for visting,she cant stop you unless she thought that your boyfriend was under duress!!!

[cottonwool]

I promise you everything i have wrote is true, its the worst thing i have ever had to go through. I have children from a previous relationship whom are suffering as i can not function with the trouble she is causing. I have texted this evening saying as i have heard nothing tonight i shall be making my own way to the hospital tomorrow. I am really scared she will make a scene its the last thing i want but i need to see him.

[cottonwool]

As she is next of kin i thought she could stop me as she has prevented me from calling the hospital to find out how he is!

[puddicat]

dearest cotton will think of you sadly unprepared, some wonderful abers that are sleeping,they will give you some sound advice,doesnt detract from my thoughts for you tonight, keep strong and us abers will speak tomorro,we will rally the troops!!!

[cottonwool]

Thank you so so much!

[Yorky Lass]

Have you any evidence that you were in a partnership and due to move in together? If you have show it to the hospital and they may well agree that you have a right to visit him and override his mother's commands.

Good luck

[cottonwool]

She called lastnight and because i had texted sayin i going today she screamed at me to stay away from the hospital and called me a s**g also said he prob wont remember me as his brain is f****d (her words not mine) you can imagine i was soooooo upset cried all night im at a total loss but i will not tolerate being spoken to like that

[cottonwool]

No real evidence just few photos and i have the texts he sent me before the accident! not much really

[cottonwool]

No siblings and i can not contact his father

[Velvetee]

Do you live together Cottonwool?

Unfortunately, as his next of kin the mother can prevent you from visiting I suppose. Perhaps you need to speak to one of his doctors or the ward sister and explain, through no fault of your own, his mother has banned you from visiting and ask if it would be ok for you to ring everyday to find out if he's ok.

other than that, perhaps you can go to the CAB and find out what rights if any you have.

I hope your partner pulls through and when he does you are able to explain why you were not allowed to visit him.

[terambulan]

Just visit, without informing anyone; am sure you won't be refused access. If questioned re your relationship just say you're pregnant by him ( blag your way in to visit ).

That'll give his vicious mother a heart-attack, hopefully!

[Whickerman]

You have my sympathy, my empathy and what little support I can show over the www.

You should contact the hospital and ask for the rules and regulations regarding this kind of thing. Assuming there's no legal requirement for them to stop you visiting, it could well be that there's a strict policy on the number of visitors at any one time, and that they prioritise family over friends - sadly in legal terms that's what you are. So, having clarified the situation, and if you find out that there's no reason for you not to visit, just choose times that the mother's not there. If she goes in every night, you go every afternoon.

I'd imagine what's happening here is that mothering instinct is setting in, and where she may never have shown a reluctance to accept you prior to this, now that your man's out of the way she can show her dislike of you/your situation by excluding you. (Fiver says it's because you have kids already - women whose sons get into relationships like yours are odd like that, personally I don't get it.)

I should mention - though you might not want to hear this - if he does take a turn for the worse and passes on, now or at any stage, you will have no rights when it comes to funeral arrangements, inheritance etc, regardless of how long you're together - even years - unless you're married, but that's a different day's worry. Good luck